Recovery hug
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 141
Recovery hug
Hi gang, happy New Years to each and every one of you, wherever you are in your journey here. It’s still early on New Year’s Eve here, and thought I’d reach out to the group as I’m struggling a bit today.
I’m not about to turn to the bottle, but just need to get some things off my chest, so my mind doesn’t turn there.
Today and tomorrow are tough days for me. Tomorrow morning marks 10 years since losing my dad to ALS, and though the New Years markers got easier over the years, this year it’s raw. Maybe bec it’s a Milestone, maybe bec I’m sober and feeling it more (most likely). I’m emotional and can’t seem to hold it together. I started a new, intense job in November, we buried my dads brother the day before Xmas eve this year, then I had to muddle through Christmas with my narcissistic mother and husband ping ponging me with their control issues and anger (and my wild preschooler, god love him). If I make it to Jan. 2, I will have my 6 month sobriety chip (and I have all intentions of getting it). I’m so tired and emotional, I could use a big hug. My mom is snarky with me (for her own reasons, I bent over backwards to keep the peace this year and feel I only get burned...codependency on my part I suppose). My husband is frustrated with me because I laid out boundaries and said I didn’t want to go out with his friends this evening for dinner (even though he doesn’t drink, they do, and I wanted a sober family night together...plus, I caved and spent Christmas Eve and two weeks prior to that, a Christmas party, with them all, so I really don’t see the purpose in tonight again), and now that’s grounds for him railing on me with all my character defects (yes, there are control issues, but I’m not strong enough to handle it atm). So, I’m sober and lonely and emotional for yet another New Year’s Eve.
I am going to a noon meeting today and have been in touch with my sponsor and AA friends throughout these weeks, but I’m just So.Done. With the holidays. I’m so done with co-dependency (but I just don’t know how to fix it in myself, it runs so deep) and gaslighting. I just want a hug and some peace, and maybe, “how are you today” from someone who supposedly loves me. Thanks for listening.
I’m not about to turn to the bottle, but just need to get some things off my chest, so my mind doesn’t turn there.
Today and tomorrow are tough days for me. Tomorrow morning marks 10 years since losing my dad to ALS, and though the New Years markers got easier over the years, this year it’s raw. Maybe bec it’s a Milestone, maybe bec I’m sober and feeling it more (most likely). I’m emotional and can’t seem to hold it together. I started a new, intense job in November, we buried my dads brother the day before Xmas eve this year, then I had to muddle through Christmas with my narcissistic mother and husband ping ponging me with their control issues and anger (and my wild preschooler, god love him). If I make it to Jan. 2, I will have my 6 month sobriety chip (and I have all intentions of getting it). I’m so tired and emotional, I could use a big hug. My mom is snarky with me (for her own reasons, I bent over backwards to keep the peace this year and feel I only get burned...codependency on my part I suppose). My husband is frustrated with me because I laid out boundaries and said I didn’t want to go out with his friends this evening for dinner (even though he doesn’t drink, they do, and I wanted a sober family night together...plus, I caved and spent Christmas Eve and two weeks prior to that, a Christmas party, with them all, so I really don’t see the purpose in tonight again), and now that’s grounds for him railing on me with all my character defects (yes, there are control issues, but I’m not strong enough to handle it atm). So, I’m sober and lonely and emotional for yet another New Year’s Eve.
I am going to a noon meeting today and have been in touch with my sponsor and AA friends throughout these weeks, but I’m just So.Done. With the holidays. I’m so done with co-dependency (but I just don’t know how to fix it in myself, it runs so deep) and gaslighting. I just want a hug and some peace, and maybe, “how are you today” from someone who supposedly loves me. Thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,238
Lot's of hugs, care, understanding sent your way
Sapph21. Many of us here in SR do understand
and hear you loud and clearly because we have
been there and done the same similar things as
you. So, you are not alone and never have to be
alone in your feelings or struggles.
Congrats on you sober time in early recovery.
That is awesome, esp. with all that you have
gone through lately.
Stay strong. Stay connected to your recovery
lifelines always and stay sober no matter what
happens with each stepping stone you walk on.
Take care of you most of all and if you do go
out to eat, have a plan. Maybe use your own
car to go and leave in with an honest excuse
for leaving.
I know for myself through out my own recovery,
I went to a heck of a lot of meetings just to hang
on by a thread sometimes. Those meeting help
me remain strong in my recovery and life responsibilities.
Just to know that I have the fellowship for support
has always been huge for me. Today, I use SR mostly
to continue on in my own recovery journey and a
powerful support system to use on a daily bases.
To have a recovery shoulder to lean on and an
ear to listen to and have helpful suggestions to
guide you, me, us, along the way as well as having
an effective program of recovery to incorporate
on a continuous bases has and can help you, me,
us in achieving many rewards in life and recovery.
You will always have a home here in SR with us.
Sapph21. Many of us here in SR do understand
and hear you loud and clearly because we have
been there and done the same similar things as
you. So, you are not alone and never have to be
alone in your feelings or struggles.
Congrats on you sober time in early recovery.
That is awesome, esp. with all that you have
gone through lately.
Stay strong. Stay connected to your recovery
lifelines always and stay sober no matter what
happens with each stepping stone you walk on.
Take care of you most of all and if you do go
out to eat, have a plan. Maybe use your own
car to go and leave in with an honest excuse
for leaving.
I know for myself through out my own recovery,
I went to a heck of a lot of meetings just to hang
on by a thread sometimes. Those meeting help
me remain strong in my recovery and life responsibilities.
Just to know that I have the fellowship for support
has always been huge for me. Today, I use SR mostly
to continue on in my own recovery journey and a
powerful support system to use on a daily bases.
To have a recovery shoulder to lean on and an
ear to listen to and have helpful suggestions to
guide you, me, us, along the way as well as having
an effective program of recovery to incorporate
on a continuous bases has and can help you, me,
us in achieving many rewards in life and recovery.
You will always have a home here in SR with us.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
(((Sapph)))
Not if you make it to Jan 2, when you make it.
We all care about you and we understand.
So many people put these ridiculous and artificial meanings and expectations on this evening. I have always thought it was stilted and dumb, just a drunkfest that wasn't even fun. How bout you?
The important things are the things that are close to your heart, that you need to feel right now. Handle what you can for now, feel those things. Be gentle with yourself. Let your higher power surround you with peace and that hug you need.
One thing to avoid? The sandtrap of victimhood. It will pull you in and it's stinky in there and hard to climb out. I've spent a lot of time in that place and wouldn't send my worst enemy there. You most certainly don't deserve to spend even a nanosecond thinking about that pit.
Thank you for saying every single word you said. That was pretty brave, I think.
xo
O
Not if you make it to Jan 2, when you make it.
We all care about you and we understand.
So many people put these ridiculous and artificial meanings and expectations on this evening. I have always thought it was stilted and dumb, just a drunkfest that wasn't even fun. How bout you?
The important things are the things that are close to your heart, that you need to feel right now. Handle what you can for now, feel those things. Be gentle with yourself. Let your higher power surround you with peace and that hug you need.
One thing to avoid? The sandtrap of victimhood. It will pull you in and it's stinky in there and hard to climb out. I've spent a lot of time in that place and wouldn't send my worst enemy there. You most certainly don't deserve to spend even a nanosecond thinking about that pit.
Thank you for saying every single word you said. That was pretty brave, I think.
xo
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2017
Posts: 141
Thanks everyone. Your words and thoughts really helped me yesterday It was a good reminder to reach out to my online community more whenever I just need to get it out. Happy new year and thank you so much for helping me get through yesterday. I felt your warmth from way out here on my cold rock in the Atlantic
It was a good reminder to reach out to my online community more whenever I just need to get it out. Happy new year and thank you so much for helping me get through yesterday. I felt your warmth from way out here on my cold rock in the Atlantic
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