Failed- Day 1
herby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: West Yorkshire, England
Posts: 32
Failed- Day 1
Failed and feeling very disappointed. I got to 3 weeks. It's so difficult cos my husband has started to bring loads of booze into the house. I'll just have to keep trying to be strong.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
I didn't want you to falter, Herby but I did kinda wince when you said you'd been to a bar and everything was fine...
I can't count the number of times I navigated a tricky situation...and then drank right afterwards.
Our addiction is relentless and alcohol is everywhere - we can all stay sober but it's hard work sometimes. Don't underestimate the task...Lean on us and build upon the plan you had this time make a bulletproof plan this time
I can't count the number of times I navigated a tricky situation...and then drank right afterwards.
Our addiction is relentless and alcohol is everywhere - we can all stay sober but it's hard work sometimes. Don't underestimate the task...Lean on us and build upon the plan you had this time make a bulletproof plan this time
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
I know how disappointed I felt whenever I relapsed. And there were a lot.
Three weeks is great. That's something no one can take away from you and you should be proud of.
I'd find it difficult in your situation, too.
Maybe you can get your husband on your side so he'll help you quit rather than make it harder?
Best to you. It took me many tries to quit, so don't give up.
Today is a new day.
Three weeks is great. That's something no one can take away from you and you should be proud of.
I'd find it difficult in your situation, too.
Maybe you can get your husband on your side so he'll help you quit rather than make it harder?
Best to you. It took me many tries to quit, so don't give up.
Today is a new day.
herby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: West Yorkshire, England
Posts: 32
Thanks I'll stay strong
Thanks everyone I am proud I managed 3 weeks. From now on any booze in the house is going down the sink. If truth be known I need a new husband who doesn't drink. X
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
I was lucky in a way because I had hellish anxiety that could only be quelled otc by booze.
I knew in my heart and right brain that booze was the issue, but emotional damage from decades of drinking was strong. Rational thought battled emotional reasons to have a few.
It was an impossible balancing act that was leading to mental insanity and physical sickness.
I was a mine field of emotion capable of lashing out at anyone, my sleep pattern was horrid, I had a terrible immune system, no stamina, and I am sure I was pre diabetic.
Quitting drinking to cure just one of these things would be worth it, but quitting drinking cured all of these.
I went out the other night and some strangers were just looking at me like they were seeing a rock star.
Some people just stop and stare in a good way. Mouth open.
I didn't expect this when I quit. 55 year old men are usually invisible. I have excepted this so any positive attention is fine.
My kid told me last night I look "buffed." That means amazing in my book.
I work out moderately 4 to 7 days a week depending on how I feel.
I would be a greasy, tired, sick old man if i didn't quit 4 years ago.
It was hell on earth, off and on, for about 2 years. But, my ptsd from quitting cold Turkey and drug free has kept me from relapsing so far.
As I continue to heal, the av beckons.
Thanks.
I knew in my heart and right brain that booze was the issue, but emotional damage from decades of drinking was strong. Rational thought battled emotional reasons to have a few.
It was an impossible balancing act that was leading to mental insanity and physical sickness.
I was a mine field of emotion capable of lashing out at anyone, my sleep pattern was horrid, I had a terrible immune system, no stamina, and I am sure I was pre diabetic.
Quitting drinking to cure just one of these things would be worth it, but quitting drinking cured all of these.
I went out the other night and some strangers were just looking at me like they were seeing a rock star.
Some people just stop and stare in a good way. Mouth open.
I didn't expect this when I quit. 55 year old men are usually invisible. I have excepted this so any positive attention is fine.
My kid told me last night I look "buffed." That means amazing in my book.
I work out moderately 4 to 7 days a week depending on how I feel.
I would be a greasy, tired, sick old man if i didn't quit 4 years ago.
It was hell on earth, off and on, for about 2 years. But, my ptsd from quitting cold Turkey and drug free has kept me from relapsing so far.
As I continue to heal, the av beckons.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Posts: 2,426
That is a really tough situation Herby. You certainly need a complex and flexible plan to stay sober in your situation. Being honest, I couldn't stay sober in your situation. I am living in Day 34 and there is no way I could have booze in the house. I hope you at least attempt to address the situation with your spouse. But remember, we eventually have to live sober in a world in which alcohol is everywhere. A 5 minute drive away. So we need to find a way to be non-drinkers from here on out in a world that drinks.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2019
Posts: 1,614
Hello. And hey no worries . this is a simple but not so simple process feel me? Right ? Look you had three weeks under your belt. Thats great. So you got a little taste of it. Try it again tweak it a little put a little spice in it to your liking so you keep going for more. ✌
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't know if you can quit with a drinking husband or not, but a lot of people on this site have done just that. It's not impossible, and it isn't anyone else's fault if I pour alcohol into my own mouth.
I don't know if you'll be able to convince him how serious it is for him to bring alcohol into the house right now while you're trying to quit...but if you can't convince him then another plan has to be in place like you leave the room or leave the house until you calm down and can handle seeing it without drinking it.
Alcohol is everywhere and at some point I had to find ways to deal with every single occasion that I was going to encounter it.
You can do this. Whatever it takes, no?
I don't know if you'll be able to convince him how serious it is for him to bring alcohol into the house right now while you're trying to quit...but if you can't convince him then another plan has to be in place like you leave the room or leave the house until you calm down and can handle seeing it without drinking it.
Alcohol is everywhere and at some point I had to find ways to deal with every single occasion that I was going to encounter it.
You can do this. Whatever it takes, no?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 308
No one here can know what your marriage looks like. My wife was also drinking every night but not to the extent of me. Maybe 1-3 spiked seltzer’s a night. Not a problem drinker by any means.
When I told her I needed help she was very supportive and now will have a bottle of wine on the weekend and that’s it. She will also have a Bloody Mary when we go out to eat. I have zero issue with it and she has asked me multiple times if it was ok if she could. It doesn’t trigger me and I think the main reason is because we have had many deep meaningful conversations about it.
It might be hard but sit him down and tell him what you need from him. You never know, he may break down as well and realize he needs to make changes too.
Whatever the case, good luck!
When I told her I needed help she was very supportive and now will have a bottle of wine on the weekend and that’s it. She will also have a Bloody Mary when we go out to eat. I have zero issue with it and she has asked me multiple times if it was ok if she could. It doesn’t trigger me and I think the main reason is because we have had many deep meaningful conversations about it.
It might be hard but sit him down and tell him what you need from him. You never know, he may break down as well and realize he needs to make changes too.
Whatever the case, good luck!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: Florida
Posts: 368
I am very thankful for my wonderful wife who came to the conclusion at the same time as I did that she had a problem. We've been attending meetings together and supporting each other. I hope for you and your husbands' sake that he sees the light and decides to be supportive.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 726
I am glad you are back. Glad you are honest about your sobriety. I am glad you are doing this for yourself. Please look at this as getting back to it. You have had a taste of being alcohol free and it feels good.
I read online the other day an example of life.
You really want to learn how to ride a bike- really really want to learn.
You fall off your bike. Do you walk away from the bike and give up? No you learn how to ride the bike because you have faith you can do it.
I read online the other day an example of life.
You really want to learn how to ride a bike- really really want to learn.
You fall off your bike. Do you walk away from the bike and give up? No you learn how to ride the bike because you have faith you can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,312
Glad you are back. Perhaps some tweaking of your plan is in order?
I have been sober for 18 months and my husband is an active alcoholic. It took me years of trying before I finally quit for good. My AH was an excellent enabler: he excused my most heinous behavior, down-played the extent of my problem, and helped to reinforce my drinking behavior.
Ultimately, I had to come to the realization that my alcoholism was my responsibility and I was the only one who could solve my problem. It was 100% an inside job.
It took a ton of support here at SR, grit, and determination for me to stop drinking, and stay stopped. Even now, I really have to dig deep some days to stay the course.
It’s hard to quit with an active drinker in the house - but you can do it! I believe in you.
I have been sober for 18 months and my husband is an active alcoholic. It took me years of trying before I finally quit for good. My AH was an excellent enabler: he excused my most heinous behavior, down-played the extent of my problem, and helped to reinforce my drinking behavior.
Ultimately, I had to come to the realization that my alcoholism was my responsibility and I was the only one who could solve my problem. It was 100% an inside job.
It took a ton of support here at SR, grit, and determination for me to stop drinking, and stay stopped. Even now, I really have to dig deep some days to stay the course.
It’s hard to quit with an active drinker in the house - but you can do it! I believe in you.
herby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: West Yorkshire, England
Posts: 32
Only kidding
Originally Posted by herby 
Thanks everyone I am proud I managed 3 weeks. From now on any booze in the house is going down the sink. If truth be known I need a new husband who doesn't drink. X
herby
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2019
Location: West Yorkshire, England
Posts: 32
Originally Posted by C0ntr0ls
I need a new husband who doesn't drink. Really?
Sorry, but that doesn't sound right.
Sorry, but that doesn't sound right.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Glad you came right back! I am about a week away from four years sober, and my husband still has beer every night. In the beginning it really bothered me, I was never a beer drinker, but the habit of coming home and pouring a drink was something we both did.
I made it a point to have lots of food nonalcoholic drinks in the house, and I still do. I’ve gone through phases and currently have Arizona Zero and Sparkling water most nights. I do not miss alcohol at all anymore.
You can do this!
I made it a point to have lots of food nonalcoholic drinks in the house, and I still do. I’ve gone through phases and currently have Arizona Zero and Sparkling water most nights. I do not miss alcohol at all anymore.
You can do this!
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