For the first time in my life I realized that I am truly happy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
For the first time in my life I realized that I am truly happy
It was my birthday on Thursday, I turned 64. So, of course my family is going to call me. Let's just say that we are polar opposites on the political spectrum. They wanted to talk politics, I didn't, but it happened anyway. It didn't upset me. My drama queen dtr called and told me that her ex filed a Restraining Order against her and I was a person that he listed to pass messages back and forth between them. Didn't upset me.
I told both dtr and ex don in law that I have rules. That I will pass messages but that I am a neutral party at this point and I am doing it for my grandsons, both agreed.
Then my youngest dtr called and she had been drinking and still was during the phone call. For unknown reasons she just blurted out, my dad never hit you, you lied about that. I told her it was my birthday and I'm not listening to this today. I hung up. She did call back numerous times and I did talk to her again, and she was full of I'm sorrys, whatever, but we are still good now.
I did not try to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) her. I told her that we can perhaps talk about this another day, so we just both talked about good times between the 2 of us.
I'm at peace today because I don't feel the need to JADE anymore. I don't want to do that anymore. (Yes, my ex did hit me multiple times, no I never threw myself down the steps so that I could blame him for my black eye). I'm at peace because I am at peace with myself. I changed a lot to hopefully be the best person that I can be. If I need to do more changing, I can do that also. I no longer feel the need to prove that I am right. I don't want to destroy my ex's relationship with his children. I want my children to have their father, they need that. He is good to them. I don't want to destroy that.
I look back at the time that I wanted everyone to see me as the victim, and how abusive he was to me, that wasn't true, (it was true that he was abusive) I was a willing participant, I stayed. I had choices, I chose not to use them. I got tired of carrying around all the resentment that I had. It was making me ill.
I no longer have the need to prove right or wrong. I choose to be me, and you can like me or love me or not. I'm finally free.
SR made this happen for me.
Thank You,
(((((((hugs))))))
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas
I told both dtr and ex don in law that I have rules. That I will pass messages but that I am a neutral party at this point and I am doing it for my grandsons, both agreed.
Then my youngest dtr called and she had been drinking and still was during the phone call. For unknown reasons she just blurted out, my dad never hit you, you lied about that. I told her it was my birthday and I'm not listening to this today. I hung up. She did call back numerous times and I did talk to her again, and she was full of I'm sorrys, whatever, but we are still good now.
I did not try to JADE (justify, argue, defend, explain) her. I told her that we can perhaps talk about this another day, so we just both talked about good times between the 2 of us.
I'm at peace today because I don't feel the need to JADE anymore. I don't want to do that anymore. (Yes, my ex did hit me multiple times, no I never threw myself down the steps so that I could blame him for my black eye). I'm at peace because I am at peace with myself. I changed a lot to hopefully be the best person that I can be. If I need to do more changing, I can do that also. I no longer feel the need to prove that I am right. I don't want to destroy my ex's relationship with his children. I want my children to have their father, they need that. He is good to them. I don't want to destroy that.
I look back at the time that I wanted everyone to see me as the victim, and how abusive he was to me, that wasn't true, (it was true that he was abusive) I was a willing participant, I stayed. I had choices, I chose not to use them. I got tired of carrying around all the resentment that I had. It was making me ill.
I no longer have the need to prove right or wrong. I choose to be me, and you can like me or love me or not. I'm finally free.
SR made this happen for me.
Thank You,
(((((((hugs))))))
Happy Holidays and Merry Christmas
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Amy...….Congratulations on your birthday and using your boundaries!!
I know what you mean about political discussions....I have told my family members that I no longer want to discuss politics (except for one sister)….I have told them that I refuse to let politics tear this family apart.
In fact, when I meet someone, now...I don't want to know what political party they belong to....or, what religion they subscribe to....
And...if they don't like cats or Hank Williams, they can kiss my______!
lol....
Member
Join Date: Sep 2018
Posts: 436
Thank you Amy. Your post is encouraging and inspiring. It's great to hear that you got to the other side of doing your work on yourself. I'm sure it wasn't easy and it gives hope to others of us who still have a way to go.
happy birthday
happy birthday
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Happy Birthday Amy. I wonder if there are people who work this all out early in their lives? You often hear the saying I'd like to be x age (younger) and know what I know now.
No wonder older people are respected in many cultures.
No wonder older people are respected in many cultures.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
Posts: 1,106
What a wonderful post!
Happy birthday and Happy Holidays Amy!
You give me hope. I do not JADE anymore, even when I want to...so I look forward to a time I can be at as peace with it as you are and never even want to.
*HUG*
Happy birthday and Happy Holidays Amy!
You give me hope. I do not JADE anymore, even when I want to...so I look forward to a time I can be at as peace with it as you are and never even want to.
*HUG*
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
