Step work
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Beach,
It isn't meant be to be perfect and it's a tool in moving past fears of looking at ourselves. There's a lot to be gained, and let go of, through this step.
There are some common ways to do Step 4 and then also many variations possible.
From Blueprint For Recovery, page 9 introduction:
The Purpose of Step 4
Step 4 is an exercise in perception. A way to distinguish what works in our lives and what is no longer useful or necessary. Being aware of what we did yesterday can help us understand and accept who we are today, so tomorrow we can become the people we want to be. It is not the purpose of the 4th step to degrade ourselves but to find out the types of mistakes we tend to make. Initially our only task is to be as honest as we can.
It isn't meant be to be perfect and it's a tool in moving past fears of looking at ourselves. There's a lot to be gained, and let go of, through this step.
There are some common ways to do Step 4 and then also many variations possible.
From Blueprint For Recovery, page 9 introduction:
The Purpose of Step 4
Step 4 is an exercise in perception. A way to distinguish what works in our lives and what is no longer useful or necessary. Being aware of what we did yesterday can help us understand and accept who we are today, so tomorrow we can become the people we want to be. It is not the purpose of the 4th step to degrade ourselves but to find out the types of mistakes we tend to make. Initially our only task is to be as honest as we can.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Another thought is, does your sponsor have what you want and is approachable in going through Step 4?
Who we work through the steps with creates a large part of how we relate to any individual stepwork.
Al-Anon, ACA, Celebrate Recovery, etc. are recovery programs we become full participants in. We learn to feel and direct our lives in new ways.
Who we work through the steps with creates a large part of how we relate to any individual stepwork.
Al-Anon, ACA, Celebrate Recovery, etc. are recovery programs we become full participants in. We learn to feel and direct our lives in new ways.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I've done step four a number of times and the experience varies. The more honest and indepth, the greater the relief. If I skip an important person or minimize the details then the result is so-so.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I stalled BIG TIME at step 4. However, once I got started I dove in and was honest and did it with integrity. As someone said above, the more in depth you go into it, the more relief you will get out of it.
Since then, I try to keep my slate clean. I am very quick to admit when I am wrong, and I am very quick to make amends when I am. I find it helps me lead a more peaceful life.
Since then, I try to keep my slate clean. I am very quick to admit when I am wrong, and I am very quick to make amends when I am. I find it helps me lead a more peaceful life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 170
Thank you for the replies. The introspection is interesting and looking at my resentments over a lifetime is already leading me to see how MY choices and way of thinking have been instrumental in landing me where I am.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Irk Beachn although I know the steps and have read quite a bit about Father Ed Dowling and Bill Wilson, I'm never done them. My hat is off to you for doing this.
I would love if you let us know how it goes.
I would love if you let us know how it goes.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2019
Posts: 170
He bekind and all,
Step 4 is still going in 10-15 minute increments. Looking back at several decades of resentments is not something I ever expected to do at this time of my life. So so many people I’m just plain pissed at and so cut out of my life for one thing or another, unresolved conflicts everywhere. Where this all goes is yet to be seen by me. Right now I’m in f you still state of mind.
What’s a surprising realization is the number addicts my list of resentments comprise. Gambling, alcohol, sex, drugs, power, money, attention...it’s as if everyone has one type of addiction or another. Including me.
Step 4 is still going in 10-15 minute increments. Looking back at several decades of resentments is not something I ever expected to do at this time of my life. So so many people I’m just plain pissed at and so cut out of my life for one thing or another, unresolved conflicts everywhere. Where this all goes is yet to be seen by me. Right now I’m in f you still state of mind.
What’s a surprising realization is the number addicts my list of resentments comprise. Gambling, alcohol, sex, drugs, power, money, attention...it’s as if everyone has one type of addiction or another. Including me.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: ohio
Posts: 3,615
I did my steps from the alkie side of the coin, but I bet there are a lot of similarities.
The steps are pretty hard at times. ESPECIALLY step 4. It took me 4 months. A lot of that was avoidance of step 4. If you’re sitting down and plugging every day, even if it’s 5 minutes, it’s progress. You’re doing great.
Lots of people spend step 4 being angry. For both of our predicaments, it’s about getting your crap out on the table so you can learn to deal with it on the other steps.
I personally didn’t have much anger, I was consumed by shame. Strangely, since I was blaming myself for everything already, it helped me see that some things were not my fault after all.
You will feel what you feel, and this is the hardest step for many. One of the wonderful things it teaches though is the wisdom of knowing you can feel all these emotions so many of us stuffed down before, and things will be ok. I’ve kept this in my recovery ever since.
I hope I haven’t overstepped talking as an alcoholic. I have learned that many of the things I’ve dealt with in my alcoholic recovery originated from my experience as a now acoa.
I hope you keep posting, it helps to get stuff out. Take care.
The steps are pretty hard at times. ESPECIALLY step 4. It took me 4 months. A lot of that was avoidance of step 4. If you’re sitting down and plugging every day, even if it’s 5 minutes, it’s progress. You’re doing great.
Lots of people spend step 4 being angry. For both of our predicaments, it’s about getting your crap out on the table so you can learn to deal with it on the other steps.
I personally didn’t have much anger, I was consumed by shame. Strangely, since I was blaming myself for everything already, it helped me see that some things were not my fault after all.
You will feel what you feel, and this is the hardest step for many. One of the wonderful things it teaches though is the wisdom of knowing you can feel all these emotions so many of us stuffed down before, and things will be ok. I’ve kept this in my recovery ever since.
I hope I haven’t overstepped talking as an alcoholic. I have learned that many of the things I’ve dealt with in my alcoholic recovery originated from my experience as a now acoa.
I hope you keep posting, it helps to get stuff out. Take care.
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