peaceful2

Hi
I am amazed that I am coming up to nearly five months of abstinence. I attend AA meetings, I have a sponsor and I am working the twelve step programme. I am currently on Step 10 and I have a homegroup and do the tea service. So I am trying very hard to change me.

So why the **** am I now losing my gratitude?? I am baffled that I still think its a good idea to drink. I am sad that I am finding excuses. I feel disconnected from AA as I havnt made any close friends there but that's just an excuse. I know my brain is trying to tell me that life is shite anyway so whats the point. But there is a point because I feel blessed being sober.

Can anyone advise me on this one. I pray and try to connect to my HP but I still thinking about wanting to drink.

Dee74

Asking for help and advice is an excellent tool peaceful2 - the willingness to change your course is a great help in staying in recovery IMO

I'm not in AA but talking to your sponsor about this would probably be my first move.

For myself anytime I've found my recovery a little rocky I throw myself into service work. It helps me to help others - it gives me back a sense of perspective and it makes me glad for the things I have going right. Sometimes I even gain insight into what to do about the things that aren't going so well.

For me tho, the bottom line is no matter how discontent I feel, a drink is not the answer.

Thinking about drinking is one thing but its how we react to those thoughts that counts.

There's nothing a drink so bad can't make worse.

Stay with the winners, isn't that what they say? you can get through this and you will be ok


D

doggonecarl

I don't it is out of the ordinary to think about drinking. You are five months sober. But underlying your concern is a strong resolve to remain sober, so I think you'll get over this hurdle.

Tetrax

Problems around five months seems to keep cropping up round here. I had them, as Weekenders may recall back in September (and posting about cravings when they happened there was a MASSIVE help). For me the turning point was as six months approached - and achieving that milestone - when it felt like sobriety was actually becoming the new normal, authentically. I think the AV just doesn't want to let go and screams out at you as you really begin to leave it behind. The longer you go the harder it will be to even contemplate breaking the streak.

This too shall pass. You will get stronger.

peaceful2

I appreciate everyone's comments but You said the magic words. Thank you

DriGuy

At 5 months, you should be getting a handle on cravings. Thinking it's a good idea to drink isn't how cravings felt to me. This sounds to me like your AV, and it's just about the right time in recovery for it to show up. Now, instead of powering your way through a craving, you must draw upon logical thought to reject the AV's nonsense. Instead of a battle with a craving this should feel to you more like making a simple choice.

I wouldn't be too concerned that you're having these thoughts. Your AV is going to be talking trash and nonsense for awhile. It was like that for me. Just make the choice not to drink. Play the tape forward. Experience you gratitude and think about how much better it is not drinking. Don't take that drink. If you could get away with it, then yeah, drinking may seem like a good idea. But you are an alcoholic, so you can't get away with it. For you, not drinking is a good thing, and certainly the best of the two choices.

Your AV will quiet down, just like the cravings. Eventually, you're going to quit thinking about what you are missing and you will be fully appreciating what you now have.

Yeah, you've got a lot of this sorted out already. You are farther ahead of where you think. Tell you're AV to go stuff it. He's not looking out for your best interests. He's wrong, dead wrong in every respect, and he doesn't process information correctly. Use your head.

CupofJoe

I think it's pretty normal to occasionally have thoughts of drinking, especially in the first year. It doesn't mean you're doing something wrong.

Like others have said, it's best to learn to work with the thoughts and learn how to ignore them. They pass. Don't dwell on them or romanticize drinking.

Helping other people, talking to other people, reminding myself why I don't drink, thinking it through, talking back to the AV--those all helped me. I didn't always feel grateful, but gratitude can also be cultivated if it's not coming naturally.

It sounds like you're committed to staying sober, so I think you'll be ok.

Just remember--we are not our thoughts. We don't have to act on them.

Meditation helped me a lot, to develop space between thought and action. Do you have AA meditation meetings where you live? Those were helpful to me in the beginning.

Winslow

I'm going through a bit of this myself at the moment,I love reading all these replies it makes me feel less "crazy"💖

Callas

In the same boat at 8 months. We can give in or battle on. I choose the latter and it sounds like you do too. It does not make it easier but at least it takes drinking off the table.

biminiblue

Five-six months is the last time I really battled drinking thoughts.

I didn't give in.

I told a sober friend and she gave me something else to think about and the urge passed...as they always do.

I agree with Tetrax, I've read the same thing and heard it many times. If you go to meetings, bring it up in your next share. I think it's a pretty common battle around that time.


For what it's worth though, I'm at nearly six years sober and I still have an occasional thought/delusion/argument in my head. It's very easy to dismiss now, but I don't think the thoughts really will ever go away. It's just something I deal with in various ways, mostly these days I say, "Thanks for piping up, now go away. I don't drink and I'm not changing my mind on that."

Winslow

Is there any biological reason for these feelings? Or is it just part of it?

CRRHCC

All you need to do to change your substance use is believe it’ll genuinely be worth changing. You need to believe that a change offers you the chance of greater happiness, and you will then persist on this new path if you believe it’s a viable possibility. Building this new preference starts the same way you built the old preference.

Do you believe that you can be happier reducing/quitting your substance use than you can be by continuing it as is? When you can answer that question in the affirmative, then you can know that you will never have to feel an “uncontrollable urge” to use problematically again.

If you come to genuinely believe that not drinking is preferable to obliteration and all that follows, you will choose to NOT get obliterated.

A person's values and purpose are the main navigational tools in life.
People overcome hurts, habits and hang-ups out of purpose-based motivation ( based on values)-- they better themselves when they recognize how their habits, violate who they were, what they want to be, where they want to go in life.

Hodd

silentrun

You know they are excuses. Instead of listening to them and drinking you are using it as a way to look for a way to further progress in your recovery. Your cravings have become a trigger to look for a way out instead of a way back in.

I think you are on the right track and are going to make it the rest of the way.