The lying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 81
The lying
I haven’t posted here in over a year but I’ve been reading and these posts have been an incredible support for me.
Let’s see in 2017, my H got a dui, lost his job went into recovery. This year we’ve had issues with CBd oil, gabapentin, and alcohol again. Another dui, public drunkenness arrest, and ER visit for BAC of .354.
I’ve been saying since June that I’m done but he sweet talks me unto starting marriage counseling which we haven’t started bc he’s been in rehab. I know he’s manipulating me. Yesterday I discovered yet another lie. So that’s it, I’m done, I can’t be married to someone lying to me all the time.
He is going to lose this job, end up in jail, or die. We have 3 kids. Nothing I say matters. I never imagined I’d be raising 3 kids on my own. I’m terrified about how to support them on one income. But I’m also terrified to get divorced and chance they’ll have to be in his care some of the time.
This just sucks.
I have a lawyer and am meeting with her on Monday. I need tips on securing finances and keeping my kids as much as possible - they are 4, 10 and 14.
He has no friends. I do everything for the kids. In the past he was the breadwinner but if he keeps this up he won’t be. he won’t be able to prove he’s involved - he’s a good dad for the 4 hours he’s involved each week.
He has court for the dui on 10/2 and I am thinking of not going. This last lie has really pissed me off to the point where he needs to understand he’s alone... he doesn’t have me in his corner. Does that make me a bitch? I’m pretty sure he going and standing next to him enables him right?
I want out of this craziness but I want my kids out too. They love their dad bc I’ve shielded them from all of this.
Let’s see in 2017, my H got a dui, lost his job went into recovery. This year we’ve had issues with CBd oil, gabapentin, and alcohol again. Another dui, public drunkenness arrest, and ER visit for BAC of .354.
I’ve been saying since June that I’m done but he sweet talks me unto starting marriage counseling which we haven’t started bc he’s been in rehab. I know he’s manipulating me. Yesterday I discovered yet another lie. So that’s it, I’m done, I can’t be married to someone lying to me all the time.
He is going to lose this job, end up in jail, or die. We have 3 kids. Nothing I say matters. I never imagined I’d be raising 3 kids on my own. I’m terrified about how to support them on one income. But I’m also terrified to get divorced and chance they’ll have to be in his care some of the time.
This just sucks.
I have a lawyer and am meeting with her on Monday. I need tips on securing finances and keeping my kids as much as possible - they are 4, 10 and 14.
He has no friends. I do everything for the kids. In the past he was the breadwinner but if he keeps this up he won’t be. he won’t be able to prove he’s involved - he’s a good dad for the 4 hours he’s involved each week.
He has court for the dui on 10/2 and I am thinking of not going. This last lie has really pissed me off to the point where he needs to understand he’s alone... he doesn’t have me in his corner. Does that make me a bitch? I’m pretty sure he going and standing next to him enables him right?
I want out of this craziness but I want my kids out too. They love their dad bc I’ve shielded them from all of this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2019
Posts: 471
This last lie has really pissed me off to the point where he needs to understand he’s alone... he doesn’t have me in his corner. Does that make me a bitch? [/QUOTE]
Makes you someone with boundaries and self-respect, I reckon. ❤
Makes you someone with boundaries and self-respect, I reckon. ❤
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,646
Yes, perhaps best to stay away from court? Why show your support for his - DUI? This is a consequence he probably needs to face on his own.
As for marriage counselling, are you sure that is something you want to attempt anytime soon? I have seen said here several times that when someone is not in recovery, joint counselling can be a disaster and most therapists discourage it.
Alcoholics can be manipulative and that includes with therapists.
Really glad you are meeting with a lawyer on Monday. Hopefully they have some experience in dealing with an alcoholic.
I think perhaps you might be surprised at how much your kiddies actually do know.
Hang in there and keep posting!
As for marriage counselling, are you sure that is something you want to attempt anytime soon? I have seen said here several times that when someone is not in recovery, joint counselling can be a disaster and most therapists discourage it.
Alcoholics can be manipulative and that includes with therapists.
Really glad you are meeting with a lawyer on Monday. Hopefully they have some experience in dealing with an alcoholic.
I think perhaps you might be surprised at how much your kiddies actually do know.
Hang in there and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 1,254
After the A's last known court date here he wondered why nobody came. It's a dui and myself and others got him out of jail which was enough for me. He wasn't OJ or innocent(still buzzed when left jail).
.357 BAC, wow. The other stuff sounds like he's looking for substitutes rather than stopping. So much for those dui education programs.
As noted setting boundaries or you being there for the kids is good enough.
The lying will not stop. I recently had another lie confirmed here. He lied about some financial numbers in front of enabling family to get more money out of them. He said they were his monthly expenses were higher. It worked and got 4K for a car down payment. A pos will always stink.
.357 BAC, wow. The other stuff sounds like he's looking for substitutes rather than stopping. So much for those dui education programs.
As noted setting boundaries or you being there for the kids is good enough.
The lying will not stop. I recently had another lie confirmed here. He lied about some financial numbers in front of enabling family to get more money out of them. He said they were his monthly expenses were higher. It worked and got 4K for a car down payment. A pos will always stink.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
They love their dad bc I’ve shielded them from all of this.
read around a bit more, hit the ACOA section. no parent is able to SHIELD their children from all the active addiction antics that happen with the other parent. they know and have experienced a lot more than you think. even the little one. they have lived thru every moment, just like you have.
they love their dad cuz he's their dad.
i understand concern for him having time with them, but today there are many sober testing devices to help assure their safety. his own record indicates his alcohol issues. if you do go to court, this is my own opinion, than you go for broke. full custody, limited supervised visitation, alcohol testing. no wiggle room. this is to protect your children. how HE feels about all this is HIS problem.
as i told a dear friend today - time to hone your focus. laser beam.
read around a bit more, hit the ACOA section. no parent is able to SHIELD their children from all the active addiction antics that happen with the other parent. they know and have experienced a lot more than you think. even the little one. they have lived thru every moment, just like you have.
they love their dad cuz he's their dad.
i understand concern for him having time with them, but today there are many sober testing devices to help assure their safety. his own record indicates his alcohol issues. if you do go to court, this is my own opinion, than you go for broke. full custody, limited supervised visitation, alcohol testing. no wiggle room. this is to protect your children. how HE feels about all this is HIS problem.
as i told a dear friend today - time to hone your focus. laser beam.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
