Back On the Sobriety Bus
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Join Date: Sep 2017
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Back On the Sobriety Bus
AH magically decided to get back on the sobriety bus Tuesday.
He made himself a Biblical Counseling appt. (which was Tuesday). I am glad that he took initiative and did that all on his own. I was suprised, quite frankly. He's supposed to find an accountability partner, though no effort has been made yet to do so. It was also suggested by his counselor (who we saw in conjunction with my counselor back when the emotional affair was discovered) for us to start doing date nights.
I'm usually the one that bails on the idea of a date night. Pragmatically, I know that I can cook better than anywhere we'll go (and for less money, too!). I also hate that moment when the waitress comes to take our drink order. You guys know what I'm talking about.....that moment of "Will he or won't he order an alcoholic beverage?"
Tonight daughter is spending the night at her best friend's house, so we're going to do the date night thing. Part of me is excited because I do love the restaurant we're going to, but the other part dreads that moment. My mission is to not let that moment effect me. If he drinks, he drinks. THREE C's!!!!
He made himself a Biblical Counseling appt. (which was Tuesday). I am glad that he took initiative and did that all on his own. I was suprised, quite frankly. He's supposed to find an accountability partner, though no effort has been made yet to do so. It was also suggested by his counselor (who we saw in conjunction with my counselor back when the emotional affair was discovered) for us to start doing date nights.
I'm usually the one that bails on the idea of a date night. Pragmatically, I know that I can cook better than anywhere we'll go (and for less money, too!). I also hate that moment when the waitress comes to take our drink order. You guys know what I'm talking about.....that moment of "Will he or won't he order an alcoholic beverage?"
Tonight daughter is spending the night at her best friend's house, so we're going to do the date night thing. Part of me is excited because I do love the restaurant we're going to, but the other part dreads that moment. My mission is to not let that moment effect me. If he drinks, he drinks. THREE C's!!!!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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If it is, perhaps it would be wise to change the plan to go to a restaurant with no alcohol, no past experiences for either of you and simply a fresh start with new experiences. 
Allow it be about the enjoyment of food, the exploration of life, widening a new 'safe' environment for you.
Just as it's okay for a recovering alcoholic to completely change ways of doing things, it's absolutely okay for us to do this, too!
Allow it be about the enjoyment of food, the exploration of life, widening a new 'safe' environment for you.
Just as it's okay for a recovering alcoholic to completely change ways of doing things, it's absolutely okay for us to do this, too!
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Restaurants don't seem to be the problem.....It's been over 2 (maybe 3??) months that we dined in one, but the bottles of vodka kept entering the house. I'm just going to order the big steak and loaded baked potato and enjoy it. I'm trying to get to a place where if he continues to drink and kill his liver, then it's his business.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
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As we stay in the same places, not much changes. Alcoholic or family members.
Simply changing up ****everything**** changes things. Neuroplasticity of the brain and creating new neuropathways.
Normalizing life that doesn't have alcohol can be a healthy phase, awareness and allowing of new areas of life yet to be explored.
I've found that meditation, quietness and then exploring possible restaurant ideas with an open mind can be an amazing experience. "Going out of my comfort zone" gets easier the more I do it and my comfort zone gets bigger and more enjoyable.
Simply changing up ****everything**** changes things. Neuroplasticity of the brain and creating new neuropathways.
Normalizing life that doesn't have alcohol can be a healthy phase, awareness and allowing of new areas of life yet to be explored.
Ultimately, you are the architect of your brain. When you change your beliefs, learn something new or become mindful of your habitual reactions to unpleasant emotions, you actually alter the neurochemistry and the structure of your brain.
The brain possesses the remarkable capacity to reorganize pathways, create new connections, and, in some cases, even create new neurons. Your brain changes with every new experience.
The brain possesses the remarkable capacity to reorganize pathways, create new connections, and, in some cases, even create new neurons. Your brain changes with every new experience.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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LPS......I think Mango makes a good point, that this is awfully early in the sobriety bus for a nice restaurant date.....
Yes, I know that this is already planned and you are going to go.....
And, one can't easily go forever without being in a place where cocktails are offered...…
However, don't forget that a "date night" doesn't have to be in a restaurant and it doesn't have to be at night....
I think the whole idea is about spending some time with each other....
LOL.....Yes, I know----"We live in a small town and there is nothing else to do around here"
Yes, I know that this is already planned and you are going to go.....
And, one can't easily go forever without being in a place where cocktails are offered...…
However, don't forget that a "date night" doesn't have to be in a restaurant and it doesn't have to be at night....
I think the whole idea is about spending some time with each other....
LOL.....Yes, I know----"We live in a small town and there is nothing else to do around here"
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I totally agree. I'm all about a daytime ice cream, mini golf, whatever. He scheduled this, though, and I'm going to go. I need to get out of the house for me.
I need to put on something other than yoga pants and a t-shirt.
I honestly don't think this sobriety thing is going to stick. (It's horrible of me to say that, isn't it?) I think I'm tired of everything being about trying to assist a sobriety that ends up lasting less time than the drunk time. Might as well enjoy the big steak.
I need to put on something other than yoga pants and a t-shirt.
I honestly don't think this sobriety thing is going to stick. (It's horrible of me to say that, isn't it?) I think I'm tired of everything being about trying to assist a sobriety that ends up lasting less time than the drunk time. Might as well enjoy the big steak.
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LPS...….I don't think you are horrible to say that.....I think you are just acknowledging the reality of the situation.....and, how past behavior is a good predictor of future behaviors.....unless some kind of major shift occurs.....
I get it about wanting to put on something special and eat something good....that you didn't have to cook, yourself.....
I get it about wanting to put on something special and eat something good....that you didn't have to cook, yourself.....
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Yes, I hope you have a wonderful dinner.
I also wouldn't worry about the drink order or anything else, yes, the 3 c's!
He will do whatever he will do and you have no control over that, so may as well just enjoy your dinner.
I also wouldn't worry about the drink order or anything else, yes, the 3 c's!
He will do whatever he will do and you have no control over that, so may as well just enjoy your dinner.
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Join Date: Mar 2017
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I think you’ve got an excellent mindset for this. If he drinks, he drinks. No point in getting bogged down with will-he/won’t-he. It’s all on him. You can still enjoy your meal, and it’s a chance to get out of the house, so there’s something in it for you, no matter what AH decides to do with his drinking.
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Thanks, guys
I even treated myself to a new outfit, complete with accessories. I took a look at our bank accounts today....if AH has been buying vodka every other day, then I figured I could splurge on something that will at least be able to be used more than once!
I even treated myself to a new outfit, complete with accessories. I took a look at our bank accounts today....if AH has been buying vodka every other day, then I figured I could splurge on something that will at least be able to be used more than once!
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