ulfr

its John1
i took an OD last night ended up very ill
my minster pleaded with me not to do it again my minster lost someone to was inporant to him he Od they checked there blood in hospital and get him home on his own and he had a heart attack and died
i cant keep doing this i cant keep hurting my minster and my husband
both minster and my husband i love and i need my friends i love and i need
my cat ninja is 11 years old he is my baby he going to go in a few years
i dont think at the moment i 'd cope with that
my dad birthday is in a few days next wedsday am worried ill go negtive about that
tonight my minster and all my friends prayed for me for me to be more postive to get better from my addcitions and mental health
to stop the negtive stuff in my head my voices make me feel like am worthless and evil but i have to fight against the voices to try and not makes me like am a attetion seeking the nurses in the er are thinking that ... i need to stop this ****

Dee74

JohnRiver, even more than not hurting your husband, or your minister, you need to stop hurting yourself.

You deserve love and care, not punishment.

If you feel like you're in danger from your thoughts/voices please seek some medical help.

D

Anna

As Dee said, you deserve love and peace in your life for yourself. And, I'm sure that your husband, minister, and all those in your life want you to be happy and well.

Meraviglioso

Hey John, I've been away from the forum for a bit so haven't stayed completely up to date with what is going on but from this post and another of yours I read it seems you are drinking and/or using again. I am sorry to hear that.
I know you have had a really hard go of it, with many complex issues to deal with so I understand why you would want to escape from the pain. But you and I both know that using never gives us that for any amount of significant time. It just makes things worse.
I am not a doctor, but I do know from the time I spent working in a group home for people suffering from schizophrenia that stress, alcohol and drug use and not being very strict about medications make the disorder much worse.
Obviously it is hard to avoid stress when your life is full of it, but at the very least you can stay clean and sober and avoid negative people, places and things- for example the websites you used to visit that upset you.
I have always admired how strong you are and your intelligence and desire to improve. I hope you can get back to that place where you want to go forward in the right direction. You deserve a good and happy life, just as you are. You are whole and wonderful and valuable. Please treat yourself kindly, for you, then for other people around you. But first and foremost for you.
Is there anything you have found that helps you drown out the voices? I know medication can only do so much. I recall a lot of the folks at the group home listening to music a lot, walking and yes, smoking cigarettes.
As for the nurses in the ER, can you have your husband advocate for you there? Maybe a phone call or a letter to the director? If not, you just keep going as you need to. You have every right to the emergency care whether these particular nurses understand that or not. I am sure it is hurtful, annoying and anger-inducing if they treat you that way, but if you can get into a mental place where you can ignore them it would benefit you greatly.

Misssy2

My heart goes out to you ...I sense the pain in your post....if you just don't pick up....you can't get high...and things will get better....easier said than done...BUT POSSIBLE.