My sister - potential to violence
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 5
My sister - potential to violence
Hi,
My sister is in a very late stage with alcoholism
including chronic delusions, insomnia, isolation in a dark room, paranoia, severe headaches, murmuring, confabulating and vicious verbal attacks regarding how useless we are and how we do not help or understand and know nothing
She has been physical once or twice with me but i think i might have started it and been slightly worse at restraining myself.
she has lived at my mums for 6 yrs, starting with her initial breakdown into retreat from the world and initial psychosis which has become worse unremittingly
I am worried for my mum as she progresses through the final illness
I now live further away by about an hour... I have really abandoned her
we would see each other most days now only once a week for a long stint
Is there a real escalation into violence to come ?
she has a history of very abusive relationships with men and I think that that always changes what you are capable of (at least with how she has "learned" how to argue and attack)
There is so much more really want to say it but i risk losing readers from here on
My sister is in a very late stage with alcoholism
including chronic delusions, insomnia, isolation in a dark room, paranoia, severe headaches, murmuring, confabulating and vicious verbal attacks regarding how useless we are and how we do not help or understand and know nothing
She has been physical once or twice with me but i think i might have started it and been slightly worse at restraining myself.
she has lived at my mums for 6 yrs, starting with her initial breakdown into retreat from the world and initial psychosis which has become worse unremittingly
I am worried for my mum as she progresses through the final illness
I now live further away by about an hour... I have really abandoned her
we would see each other most days now only once a week for a long stint
Is there a real escalation into violence to come ?
she has a history of very abusive relationships with men and I think that that always changes what you are capable of (at least with how she has "learned" how to argue and attack)
There is so much more really want to say it but i risk losing readers from here on
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,235
If you've already had physical altercations then there's no longer potential for violence - it's already happened.
I was having a conversation about aging parents with somebody today and she said that in the beginning, the friends and family think that with just a bit of willpower and organization, they can take care of the aging parent without getting the professionals involved. It usually takes a while before they realize that this was just a bit of wishful thinking.
Your mom may have the same sort of thinking going through her brain. Could you contact her local council for a care needs assessment for your mum, just to make sure that she's OK? They would also be on the lookout for signs of abuse, emotional and physical, which seems to be a strong likelihood given your sister's history.
I live about an hour away from my parents and it is difficult to see them once a week given my current situation, so from my vantage point you seem to be doing quite well. I would be more concerned if your sister has taken to isolating your mom from you, making it more difficult for you to see her.
This is so tough. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
I was having a conversation about aging parents with somebody today and she said that in the beginning, the friends and family think that with just a bit of willpower and organization, they can take care of the aging parent without getting the professionals involved. It usually takes a while before they realize that this was just a bit of wishful thinking.
Your mom may have the same sort of thinking going through her brain. Could you contact her local council for a care needs assessment for your mum, just to make sure that she's OK? They would also be on the lookout for signs of abuse, emotional and physical, which seems to be a strong likelihood given your sister's history.
I have really abandoned her
we would see each other most days now only once a week for a long stint
we would see each other most days now only once a week for a long stint
This is so tough. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
puzzleblue…..I am in the States....and, I know that the healthcare systems are different in your country.....
My thought is that you might do well to seek the help of psychiatric social workers....or, whatever is the equivalent, in your country....
they are most likely to know where the resources are and how to manage the overall situation...as well as being an emotional support to you.
My thought is that you might do well to seek the help of psychiatric social workers....or, whatever is the equivalent, in your country....
they are most likely to know where the resources are and how to manage the overall situation...as well as being an emotional support to you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 5
This has all been tried. She pulls up and leaves or sounds sane for a bit
or the police come and we hear 'suicide is a right' 'you can't stop someone killing themselves - it's a free decision
Which i think is quite mad and not what it used to be all about
or the police come and we hear 'suicide is a right' 'you can't stop someone killing themselves - it's a free decision
Which i think is quite mad and not what it used to be all about
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 5
I was having a conversation about aging parents with somebody today and she said that in the beginning, the friends and family think that with just a bit of willpower and organization, they can take care of the aging parent without getting the professionals involved. It usually takes a while before they realize that this was just a bit of wishful thinking.
Thank you for this but of advice
I had not really considered her s aging just at risk of dying as a result of her injuries or not.
she is not frail but i have no idea if she now would accept help now
or what is out there
I will phone around in the morning
thank-you
also, if my sister is drinking i can't see mum either
and if she is really drunk then my mum might come here for the day
its crazy
Thank you for this but of advice
I had not really considered her s aging just at risk of dying as a result of her injuries or not.
she is not frail but i have no idea if she now would accept help now
or what is out there
I will phone around in the morning
thank-you
also, if my sister is drinking i can't see mum either
and if she is really drunk then my mum might come here for the day
its crazy
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
is your mom even willing to consider NOT having your sister live there? while there is concern for elder abuse, you also have two people who have lived together for at least six years and sound pretty entrenched in their ways. it's dysfunctional and unhealthy, but sometimes the best we can do is protect OURSELVES.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I can only say that with my XAH once he did anything violent, he was much more likely to do it again, and did so.
He was not normally a violent person, but being under the influence of that much alcohol and Rx drugs means you are definitely not yourself.
I personally would be prepared to call the police and get a restraining order if at all possible. If not, mom would come to my house. I would get a list together of the nearest homeless shelters with addresses and phone numbers, and be prepared to give it to the sister if things become bad enough.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
He was not normally a violent person, but being under the influence of that much alcohol and Rx drugs means you are definitely not yourself.
I personally would be prepared to call the police and get a restraining order if at all possible. If not, mom would come to my house. I would get a list together of the nearest homeless shelters with addresses and phone numbers, and be prepared to give it to the sister if things become bad enough.
I am so sorry you are going through this.
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