Livingonwishes

Hi All,

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for all the advice and comments I have received on here over the last few months...

And I am once again asking for input from you all.

I am 7 months sober and have been attending at least 2 meetings a week ever since I stopped drinking. I started the Steps with my Sponsor about 2 months ago and in the last few days he has been talking about me chairing a meeting for the first time.

It all stems from my "Terminal Social Anxiety" that seems to prevent me from sharing at one of my meetings. I have been unable to raise the courage to share at my Monday meeting despite it being the meeting I have attended every week since I started this journey (Well up until 2 weeks ago when I had to miss 2 meetings because of a training course!)

My Sponsor seems to think Chairing that meeting will be a good stepping stone and help me overcome my anxiety and I can see his point of view especially as I have shared half a dozen times at my Thursday meeting.

My question is this : How have or would you approach chairing a meeting for the first time? Any advice would be most welcome.

By way of background it's a Daily Reflections meeting with a rotating chair and whoever chairs either does the initial share based on the Daily Reflection or asks someone to do that for them. I have an idea as to who I can ask to do the share but the thought of actually chairing is something that scares the hell out of me but is something I know I maybe need to do to overcome my fears.

Many thanks in advance....

DriGuy

I've chaired meetings. The AA format for meetings is so universal that there is nothing you have to prepare for. It's kind of fun, too. You get to be the Grand Poo Bah for an hour, and people seem to appreciate it. If you are totally new to public speaking, chairing an AA meeting is a good easy way to introduce yourself to the experience. With your time in the program, it's entirely appropriate for you to chair, and I would encourage you to try it.

BlueSkiesAhead

Hello Livingonwishes,
Congratulations on 7 months! So glad to see that you are working with a sponsor as well. I chair many meetings, and do service work in the local County Jail every week where I facilitate a meeting for inmates. The group at your Thursday meeting knows you, you may consider this your "home" group, so this would be a great start. If you are apprehensive to chair the first time, I would suggest asking your sponsor to be there with you. Read ahead and prepare for that days Reflections reading, and follow your own story for inspiration. It seems that it is a discussion meeting, so you are merely starting the discussion with what that days meeting means to you, and how it relates to your recovery.
I chair many meetings, and setting the topic takes the pressure off others. People may pass the first go around, but come back after everyone has spoken, and ask if anyone else has anything to share. You are right, it can help you a lot to overcome your anxiety. I wish you the best, and congratulations again on 7 months.
Blessings,
BSA

djlook

Hello, LivingOnWishes.

I sincerely congratulate you on your seven months sober, going to meetings, having a sponsor, and working the steps. Your post this morning has just made my day, and I thank you.

I agree with your sponsor. For me, I still get nervous when asked to read, share, or celebrate my AA birthday, and I've been sober 21 years.

My sponsor's sponsors passed down to her and she passed down to me, never say no to anything that's asked of me because it's part of growing and it's giving back to a program that saved my life. Still, I don't know that I'll ever be comfortable reading, sharing, or chairing, but I know I grow in the program each time I walk through my fears, inside or outside of the rooms. The fear prayer in the Big Book always helps me. Thank you again.

djlook

What's funny about chairing my first meeting is I feel like I cheated. The first time I chaired was at a Friday night candlelight meeting and it was dark except for the glow from the candles. Ha! I was still nervous. Just think, everybody at that meeting had a first time.

ReadyAtLast

Looking at this from a slightly different angle I think part of growing is learning that it is ok to say no to things that are not good for my mental health or anything else. I don't think 'never say no' is healthy.

I would not be forced into doing something I wasn't comfortable with. I understand trying new things is a part of development but we are adults and must do these things at our own pace not because someone tells us to.

sortofhomecomin

Maybe it would help to not prepare at all and just say what comes out? Perhaps overthinking it is making you anxious? Just a suggestion.

tomsteve

excellent advise. just doing it is great for many reasons,one being ya cant try and kik yerself after because words didnt come out as planned or the meeting didnt flow as planned.

first time i did an open talk i was heading to the meeting with my sponsor. i started gettin jittery and mentioned it to my sponsor.didnt wanna screw up and start rambling. talked a bit, then he said,"who read how it works at last saturdays meeting?"

"hell, i dont remember."

"thats how important youll be in a week."

columbus

Perhaps just be open and vulnerable and honest.

Say how nervous, anxious you are.

Let it flow from truth
and then go with the flow.

There are others (all!) who will appreciate your honesty
and receive you as you are.

(and be glad THEY'RE not up there!)

Livingonwishes

Wow.

I would like to thank you all for your input. I laughed and smiled and wondered what the hell I am worried about. I would name you all individually and quote your advice to me but you all seem to be saying the same thing "Just do it"

I know I tend to over think things and then analyse what happened after but I am now going to see what happens at my meeting tomorrow and see if I have the confidence to offer to be chair for next week.... Having read your responses I suddenly realise I have nothing to lose apart from an hour of my time that will probably be better than I expect.

ReadyatLast I know where you are coming from but now realise that I am ready for this and to do this will be my decision and no-one will have forced me and I think that is the comment that meant the most and made me realise I can do this, so thank you...

I shall let you all know if I do volunteer for Monday 1st but I think I will knowing that you guys are behind me..

Thank you all....

BlueSkiesAhead

Hello Livingonwishes,
You've got this! With 7 months under your belt, you have a lot to offer to the group. Congratulations! It just keeps getting better!
Thank You,
BSA

sugarbear1

What step are you on?

Livingonwishes

Sugarbear1,

I have just started step 4, probably the one step I am going to struggle with, lol... My Sponsor seems to think I am going to breeze through steps 4, 5, 6 and 7 but this step is the one that really scares me....

I have confirmed my chairing of my next meeting and have asked if I can go to the next Inter-group meeting to observe. Suddenly feel like I need to be more involved, lol...

tomsteve

good on ya! if the first 3 steps are done, typically the 4th isnt that bad. you'll be lookin at the old you-not who you are now and beyond. you'll be learning what makes ya tick ,what needs to change, and how to change in steps 5-7.

if there comes a time ya start to struggle, go back a step or 2 and turn "it" back over.

August252015

Soooo, my $0.02. It sounds (TO ME) that it's a bit early to do the chair thing. But, I don't know you - and much more important than my opinion is that if you trust your sponsor and do what he says then go for it.

I can't remember when I first chaired- and some of the meetings I go to have a separate chair and discussion leader. Sometimes, same person.

I go into it with a topic or idea in mind, something pertinent to where I am or something I've discussed with another lately - or else, something I've done, so to speak, step wise. So a Step One meeting topic is never a bad idea

Sign up and do it- and let us know how it goes. Progress is always good - and I have never seen anyone get boo'ed .... ALSO - remember it's not about you. You're doing service, you can't control what you think anyone thinks about your topic or delivery, and so on!