purpleprincess

I'm back but I see that many of you that responded to my post were correct. This addiction has gotten worse since I last posted. He calls his addiction "depression" but I know what it is he cried to me over the phone telling me that he needs help but looks like he hasn't gone anywhere. He has stolen from me on numerous occasions. I was even pregnant by him and he cussed me out and did not even show me the support when I miscarried. I just want this hurt to end this crack addict is not something that I want to deal with him. But at the sametime I feel upset cause this handsome man is becoming more and more consumed by the day. I see and hear the cries for help but all I see is him not being ready to quit and change his life. I know I cannot and will not go down this road with him cause I want a stable family of my own which he is not and may never be able to provide. I am becoming more and more bitter as the days go on. I wish he would seek help cause he is aware he needs it. Did I mention he only knows that I know he uses cocaine and not crack. He leaves me for hours on end I have even witnessed him crying cause he loves his kids and knows that I love him without a shadow of a doubt. He won't allow me to tell him I am leaving him. Cause he will just over talk me. I just wanna be free without any of the guilt. I love him. But I know I can't live like this. I know if I leave he will be sucked into this disease even more but I also know that would not be my fault. I know what I need to do but I need to do it effectively so I may live my life and one day have kids of my own.

ReadyAtLast

You're not responsible for him or his choices. You can't make him quit or help him quit. He sounds really toxic and dangerous.

The only thing you can do is focus on and look after yourself.

Numblady

I am so sorry. But you have answered your own questions it seems to me. You can’t make him stop if you stay. If you leave it won’t cause him to have the disease he already has. Hope you are getting support at friends and families forum too. And Al-Anon if you can get there. Sending you strength.

ScottFromWI

I'm glad to hear that PurplePrincess, and welcome back to SR. How can we help you do what you need to do? You are absolutely correct that none of this is your fault, and at this point there is nothing you can do for him - you need to protect yourself and your children. He is not the person you love anymore and it's unlikely he ever will be again.

purpleprincess

Thank you all for your responses and support. Just knowing that I have the support here is making me feel more at ease. I will continue to educate myself on this, reading the forms and continue with no contact. This one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. For once I will have to put me first. I thank you all again for your support.

DreamCatcher17

I am so sorry about your miscarriage. I had one last month, what a horrible feeling.
I am a believer of GOD and for me, I believe the baby I had was not apart of his plan just yet, it wasn't time, the situation wasn't right, etc... I have accepted that.

For you PLEASE move on. You have no ties to this man.
There is NO good time to leave someone, except for maybe yesterday. The longer you sit there with him, the harder it will be. Pull off the bandaid. For real, the sooner the better.

You already know you can't control him, you are not his maker or breaker. He is going to do whatever it is he is doing with or without you, you are better off not being drug down with him. WHAT IF you caught a charge because of him (felony drug, perhaps), now your life is in shambles. That would be a shame on so many levels. If your home is raided and there are drugs, they are yours too.

I'll pray for your strength to leave him and for healing of your heart and soul.

Blessings,
DC

saoutchik

Hi purpleprincess, i'm sorry you are going through this but you are right, it will not be your fault and although it's a long shot but maybe it will be the catalyst for him to get help. I guess you could suggest he takes a look at SR as a starting point. All the best to you especially under these difficult circumstances.

Anna

I'm glad that you're taking care of yourself, purpleprincess. I'm sorry for your pain but you will be able to get through this.

purpleprincess

DC,
I'm sorry for your loss as well. And I thank you, for your thoughts and wisdom. It is taking me some time but I too am coming around to believe that God has bigger plans for me and timing was not right for me. You are so right! I don't want to go down that path of destruction. I just have to keep in mind that the person I am dealing with now. I never met before they know me but I don't know them.
Thank you again for responding sending a warm hug