myluckyday

Tomorrow is my day 1. I can't say that today is because I drank today. I'm feeling sick, guilty, tired, miserable, anxious, depressed, the whole 9 yards. My liver is throbbing. My life has been a complete mess the last 6 months or maybe even longer. I just put my husband in a nursing home last March. He has early onset dementia and is dying a little bit every day. I am a widow in waiting. Our 17 year old daughter (our youngest of three) will be graduating high school next month and going off to college in August. I'm going to be alone in the house after raising three kids. I feel like I'm falling apart. I'm financially broke and I'm the only one supporting the house now. I have so much responsibility on my shoulders so I drink to escape. However the next morning, my problems are still there. I've quit a few times. Some times for several months. Then when I just can't handle life, I pick it up again. I need to deal with my problems while sober. I just feel like life is so miserable at times that I just don't care if I live or die, but then I remember that I'm a mom and I need to be here for my kids. I'm going to bed right now and trying again tomorrow. Thanks for listening.

january161992

its just a feeling and it will pass if you dont drink ODAAT - one day at a time

DONT DRINK tomorrow morning and get on here asap for support and/or go to a meeting!

read step 1 in the 12X12 and then lets talk about it

https://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/en_step1.pdf

Dee74

I'm sorry with all you're dealing with myluckyday but I'm glad you came back here for support and encouragement.

I really believe we can do amazing things - you can deal with life, and stay sober too

D

Mummyto2

AAPJ

I am very sorry you have this situation. My brother is in your situation too. My sister in law was diagnosed with full blown early onset Alzheimer's a few years ago. She's pretty much gone now. Just an empty shell of her former self. I don't know how he does it but he does not drink or use drugs. He works out a lot at the gym. Is active in his local church and he attends an Alzheimer's support group. You have my sympathy and support.

Zucc36

Alcohol makes you feel a lot more alone than you really are. While your children are away, you have the opportunity to find new things in life to enjoy. Spending time with them when they get back can be a real joy. Alcohol robs us of ourselves, and while you definitely have a hard situation, the drinking just exasperiates everything.

myluckyday

No worries about me drinking in the morning. I actually have 4 jobs because I need to pay the bills. I'm very responsible and reliable. A very high functioning alcoholic. I can even attend parties and events and drink one or two or not even drink at all. I can go days or weeks. It's the late afternoon when the cravings start to happen. I will finally binge drink alone at night when everyone goes to bed. I then wake up feeling tired and crappy. I'm so sick of going through life feeling tired and crappy. My liver is also suffering immensely and that still doesn't stop me. I'll quit drinking for a few weeks and my liver will start to feel better then my AV will kick in and say, my liver is fine, I don't need to completely quit. I can moderate. Just drink on weekend nights. Then it slowly creeps back to every night. I'm so sick of it!!!

ThatWasTheOldMe

I'm so sorry to hear of your struggles, myluckyday. I have no idea how I would handle any of that

biminiblue

I have to say, if you think you can actually feel your liver, I would be getting to the doctor ASAP.

Livers aren't the only things being damaged - heart, bones, nervous system, circulatory system. It's pretty scary.

I can say that all my problems became more manageable with sobriety. I think you would find the same. I hope you stick around and find a way to go to bed sober every night.

myluckyday

I'm going to bed sober. Day one in the books.

least

You can do this!

Coldfusion

Congratulations! I hope this is the beginning of a permanent recovery!

Ghostlight1

Congratulations on your first day of what I'm sure will be many.
Your situation will be much more manageable sober and I'm wishing you the best.
Take care.