Alongtimegone

In reviewing my own choices, and the consequences thereof, I also found myself reviewing choices of other codies (family and friends) that I know. I have their permission to share just a bit.

One of my sisters has a daughter who has drug problems. Her daughter recently forged her mom's name on a check and embezzled $30,000 from her. Later, she called my sister and tried to make her feel guilty about it. My sister has chosen not to press charges.

Another sister (codie stuff runs in families) got involved with a man who had been in a recovery program. We never did find out if the program was for drugs, alcohol, or what, until much later, after he molested two of her three children. Sadly, my sister was so hooked into the relationship she married him, even after what he did to her kids. They eventually divorced. Two of her three kids are adults now and work at porn stores.

A girlfriend of mine has a daughter with drug problems. They have tried every way they know how to help her. They have been robbed (by their own daughter) multiple times. One of the items taken was a grandmother's wedding ring, something that cannot be replaced for any amount of money. The daughter is now in jail and they are faced with the prospect of having her move back home when she is released. Naturally, they are apprehensive.

These are all heartbreaking stories, just as most of the stories we post here or call for help on are.

The common thread I have found, at least for myself and my life, and of the lives of these people close to me, is that we invested so much in the other person, we lost a great deal of ourselves in the process.

Any one of the addicts involved are not "bad" people. They are funny, sweet, charming. Most of them have meant well. When sober, they are delightful and wonderful, with tons of potential. We have and do care deeply about them, but as a result of our unhealthy involvement, we have paid a high emotional, financial, and sanity toll.

More and more I am discovering that the key is detachment and a change of focus from them and their problems, to ourselves.

I have spent a great deal of my life postponing my own happiness until "they" get better, or something changes. I now believe that happiness is a choice. It begins here and now. With me.

Thanks!

Petunia

ALTG,

What a wonderful reminder of what it takes to be healthy - focus on ourselves rather than others. It is especially helpful this time of year when feelings of sadness, guilt, loneliness and loss can be stronger. I have to focus on how I'm doing and what I do every day to try and be healthier, happier, saner, more content and peaceful. It always comes back to keeping my eyes on my own road. I don't want to lose hope that someday "they" will get it, but reality says it is probably unlikely this late in the game.

Regardless, I am going to work on keeping my eyes on my own paper and letting the good stuff grow.

All the best,
Petunia

Cadence57

WOW. I recently realized the same thing. I spent a year waiting for him to "get better" so that I could get on with my life (what's up with that???). Happiness is a choice, I totally agree... and it's also an "inside job" Sometimes it's hard to get out of our heads and fix whatever is causing us grief and pain.

Thanks for that post.
Marti

Karivan

ALTG...You're so right. So many of us make the A the focus of our lives and it's too hard on us physically and emotionally when we do that to ourselves. I really believe some of the health problems I have are because of stress... that's why I do yoga. When I do the exercises that little bit of time concentrating on myself helps me cope a lot better with the stress. It's also great for your spine...