Pressmetilihurt

I'm 32 days sober. Today I hot in trouble at work because I've been slacking. I hate my job. I felt horribly depressed all day. I let my thoughts wander then focus on a drink. I couldn't see it helping tho. I felt trapped. I just wanted to disappear. I went to a mtg and shared about what a loser I am. Finances, working k, parenting. I got love and compassion in response. Why? Why do you even care? I felt like God was in the room talking to me though them. Why does God care about me? I don't understand.

Mummyto2

Dee74

I think most of us here are hard on ourselves. It was a real revelation for me to realise other people found value in me.

I think there;s value in you too Press - you just have to give yourself the chance to let it shine.

don't let self pity take hold.

Look down at your feet too much and you'll probably miss some great things?

D

Vinificent

August252015

Press, have you gotten a new sponsor yet? This is the kind of stuff mine have worked with me thru bc like us here, they get it and a good sponsor is there to help.

MLD51

I felt like I didn't "deserve" for other people to care about me early on. It was very strange to have people telling me they cared about me, were proud of my progress, that they understood me and wanted to help. I hadn't gotten a whole lot of positive feedback in my life up until that point and it was almost... embarrassing, I guess is a good word. We tend to be our own worst enemies and talk very negatively to ourselves. That's everyone, not just alcoholics, but I think alcoholics and addicts might be the "best" at it. It's a chicken/egg thing - are we so hard on ourselves because we feel bad about being alcoholics and all of the things that go with it, or are we alcoholics because we feel bad about ourselves and used alcohol to somehow try to feel better? Some of both? It's a self-perpetuating cycle, IMO. Feel bad, drink. Then feel worse because we drank. Drink to try to forget about that. And so on. If we wish to break that cycle, at some point we must figure out ways to quiet the inner voice that tells us we are losers, worthless, etc. For me, that was, and still is a pretty big challenge. First step is to quit drinking and start cleaning up the wreckage. Stop adding to the shame pile. Then, you somehow have to start believing and accepting the people who are telling you that you have value, that they care, and that you can have, and deserve, a happier life. Over time, it works. I can usually shut down that Negative Nancy in my head these days. You'll get there, Press. Give it time. Keep going to meetings.

tomsteve

it may have been a bad day but ya didnt drink!
why do i care? because when i got into AA someone cared about me until i could care about myself. by doing so they helped me learn to love myself.
why does God care? because you are one of His children and thats what He does- He cares about His children.
some things may not be understandable at this time for ya. give it T.I.M.E.
press, 5,10,15 years may be a long time but 32 days is an eternity-

what step are ya on??

KTB5000

Hi Press
Congrats on 32 days...Might you consider looking for a new job on your off hours to keep your mind focused? With 32 days under your belt, Im sure you could slay at doing something else. God is ALWAYS with you. Keep your head up and dont let those negative thoughts drag you down. I know it sounds redundant but maybe a gratitude list might lift the fog a bit. You deserve the best my friend.

mariposa

kinzoku

I say accept the blessing and don't question it, embrace it, use it.

least

Good job on over a month sober! Try not to be so hard on yourself.

mariposa

Pressmetilihurt

Thank you guys. I am forever grateful for you. My higher power must speak thru you because I feel what it seems like people mean when they talk about unconditional love. I made it thru the week. I went to meetings every day. I continually had to "turn it over". I want a new employer. 35 days today. Whew.

least

Good for you!

DontRemember

keep it up and live the life you and your kid deserve.