Tjarget

I'm so thankful to have found this site. Don't know why it didn't occur to me years ago, considering I'm active in several other forums. I've been a problem drinker for years. Like most here, I've come up with pretty clever excuses to stop at the liquor store. I can see and feel the negative affects on my body, and I know what it's doing to me. Yet most days, (4-5 days per week) I end up at stopping for some vodka. Not only am I drinking too often, I'm drinking way too much. Way too much. Pretty sad really. I live alone, which makes it that much easier to sit at home and drink all night, in complete secrecy. The definition of a functioning alcoholic. I have a good job, family nearby, and I do a really good job at hiding this part of my life. I've had a little success in quitting over the years. A couple 2-3 year rides on the wagon. Seems very difficult lately. Feeling pretty powerless to this poison.

Hoping this place will provide a sense of community with people who get it.

biminiblue

That sounds just like me, except my family is all gone, and they left me a little money so I used it trying to kill myself with drink. I'm pretty sure that was not their intention.

Yeah, some sober time doesn't fix it. Not even years of sober time.

I'm hoping to make it to the end of my life without drinking again.

Welcome and I hope to see you around. I did the same thing, "A sobriety forum! Well what a great idea."

I'm really glad I stuck around.

Ghostlight1

Hello and welcome. Glad you found us.
I didn't just feel powerless, I was powerless. I had lost all control over my drinking.
Never knowing how much, or for how long, I would drink once I started.
It was a bad place to be. I also lived alone, so had no one to answer to.
The wonderful thing was, once I admitted I was powerless over alcohol, I could start my recovery.
And I did. I went to AA and found the first step is admitting we are powerless over alcohol. From there I could make progress.

It's been ten years sober for me now, and if I were to take that first drink I know I would be as powerless as I was before I quit.
So I don't take that first drink. One day at a time.
I wish the same for you.

Anna

Welcome!

One thing I know for my experience is that it gets harder and harder to stop drinking each time you go through it. That's likely what you are finding.

It sounds like you know how to stop drinking and stay sober for long periods. It might be a good idea to do some soul-searching as to what leads you back to alcohol after these periods of sobriety. That will enable you to plan how to avoid relapsing in the future.

I'm glad you found us.

Tjarget

That's exactly what I'm finding. Which is scary - The thought of not being able to beat it.

I've read others comment on a sense of mourning which is definitely something I can relate to. I've used alcohol as a crutch for so long, it's difficult to fill the void. I think you're right about the soul searching. Something triggers me every time I stop.

Gottalife

"Lack of power, that was our dilemma. We had to find a power by which we could live, and it had to be a Power greater than ourselves. Obviously. But where and how were we to find this Power? Well, that's exactly what this book is about. Its main object is to enable you to find a Power greater than yourself which will solve your problem." From the AA Big Book.

So I read the book, got some help to put its suggestions into effect, and now I have all the Power I need.

Tjarget

Congrats on the ten years. I hope to get there some day. One day at a time!!!

least

Welcome to the family. I quit drinking over 9 yrs ago and my life is so much simpler and better. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.