Lack of personal autonomy
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
Lack of personal autonomy
What I'm struggling with at the moment is that I feel I lack in determining how I function and what steps to take to lead towards a goal. I seem to react drudgingly to impulse. If I try to think and plan, I will do this, sometimes but I will quickly get fatigued, frustrated and confused.
Now I know someone will be quick to say well you have to take responsibility or it will come with time. I consider myself many times and give myself a hard time about it. Yet I fall into the impulsive behaviour.
I do believe this could be to do with so many failed attempts, whether that be in jobs, education, learning skills. or even in relationships, not to mention the constant battling with the complexity of mental I?I health. In hindsight, I certainly am to be held responsible for. I have made some ignorant and pig-headed, self-sabotaging choices. Yet there were many failures that I could do nothing about. I just didn't have the tools to make it.
Consider anyone with mental health problems who often struggle even contemplating why they are the way they are. Is it my fault, what can I do to improve myself? How best do I approach or think about a task at hand to ensure I don't ruin relationships? Don't get emotionally self-sabotaging when dealt the hand of stress, confusion and difficulties? These are so confusing for someone who isn't able to understand them selves? The tools other people use to do the same thing are baffling to them. Advice seems contradictory.
After years of failing and not understanding one's constantly deteriorating life and mental health? How does one possibly become capable of trusting their decision -making process?! It feels at times we can't even trust our own minds and when we take a risk of get burst of confidence, we fail and feel even more humiliated, useless and confused.
Sending my love to anyone dealing with mental health problems.
Now I know someone will be quick to say well you have to take responsibility or it will come with time. I consider myself many times and give myself a hard time about it. Yet I fall into the impulsive behaviour.
I do believe this could be to do with so many failed attempts, whether that be in jobs, education, learning skills. or even in relationships, not to mention the constant battling with the complexity of mental I?I health. In hindsight, I certainly am to be held responsible for. I have made some ignorant and pig-headed, self-sabotaging choices. Yet there were many failures that I could do nothing about. I just didn't have the tools to make it.
Consider anyone with mental health problems who often struggle even contemplating why they are the way they are. Is it my fault, what can I do to improve myself? How best do I approach or think about a task at hand to ensure I don't ruin relationships? Don't get emotionally self-sabotaging when dealt the hand of stress, confusion and difficulties? These are so confusing for someone who isn't able to understand them selves? The tools other people use to do the same thing are baffling to them. Advice seems contradictory.
After years of failing and not understanding one's constantly deteriorating life and mental health? How does one possibly become capable of trusting their decision -making process?! It feels at times we can't even trust our own minds and when we take a risk of get burst of confidence, we fail and feel even more humiliated, useless and confused.
Sending my love to anyone dealing with mental health problems.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Honestly I think you're overcomplicating things - your task right now is to get sober and stay that way.
That's enough for anyone to deal with right now.
I don;t mean to sound uncaring.
I've dealt with depression and anxiety and lack of self esteem and the residue of trauma, and a lot of other things.
I had to build the foundation of my new life first though before I started on the upper stories.
To be honest my head was in no shape to deal with anything much more than not drinking for about the first 30 days.
Get sober stay sober and you'll find things are a lot clearer and less overwhelming IMO.
D
That's enough for anyone to deal with right now.
I don;t mean to sound uncaring.
I've dealt with depression and anxiety and lack of self esteem and the residue of trauma, and a lot of other things.
I had to build the foundation of my new life first though before I started on the upper stories.
To be honest my head was in no shape to deal with anything much more than not drinking for about the first 30 days.
Get sober stay sober and you'll find things are a lot clearer and less overwhelming IMO.
D
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 449
That is good advice for my drinking Dee definitely but here I'm talking more generally. I struggle to maintain relationships. Every job I get I don't seem to last any more than 6 month. I can't even function properly day by day. Getting bills sorted and what have you. That is why I want to get a psychological assessment, I just can't cope on my own but have no one around. I just seem to have parts of me that I can't fully recognise that makes it difficult for people to be around me. I'm also awkward as hell around people and the stress of that always seems to put anything I do in jeopardy and hinders me getting help. I will try my hardest for so long then either I find I'm incompetent or just ruin it.
I think counselling might help but the lack of funding that goes into mental health in this country and the distance I live from closest services is just going to be super difficult. Maybe I just have to accept I will always need to be on benefits which shames me but if that is case I just have to learn to live with it.
I think counselling might help but the lack of funding that goes into mental health in this country and the distance I live from closest services is just going to be super difficult. Maybe I just have to accept I will always need to be on benefits which shames me but if that is case I just have to learn to live with it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2018
Location: New Mexico
Posts: 1,339
Sometimes what we have to do, LW, is trust the advice that we are receiving, and I have to agree with what Dee wrote.
Your thoughts about holding a job, building working relationships, managing your finances, all of those things are important but not as urgent as stopping drinking right now, everything else can follow that first step.
Quitting the drink for each day does not preclude you from seeking the medical attention that may be offered to you by visiting the doctor, so make it to the office today to either be seen or to have an appointment set aside for you.
Set a schedule for eating something on a regular basis to give yourself strength and to help curb the cravings.
Clear out the bottles, cans and other detritus from your personal space to provide for a more calm setting.
That's enough for the next day, but it should help you feel better.
Check in on SR regularly to let people know what you are doing and how you are feeling. Each day you can set some simple goal(s) to achieve, and people here can help you do that. One thing that I took away from AA is the rule of progress, not perfection, even though I don't attend AA now. It's a simple axiom to follow.
Your thoughts are racing right now, so just acknowledge what you are feeling but focus on the smaller things.
Your mental health is vital. When I first started my serious path toward recovery only the most simple things were afforded to me, and primarily that was shelter, food, and abstinence. As Dee stated, you need to work on the foundation first.
Your thoughts about holding a job, building working relationships, managing your finances, all of those things are important but not as urgent as stopping drinking right now, everything else can follow that first step.
Quitting the drink for each day does not preclude you from seeking the medical attention that may be offered to you by visiting the doctor, so make it to the office today to either be seen or to have an appointment set aside for you.
Set a schedule for eating something on a regular basis to give yourself strength and to help curb the cravings.
Clear out the bottles, cans and other detritus from your personal space to provide for a more calm setting.
That's enough for the next day, but it should help you feel better.
Check in on SR regularly to let people know what you are doing and how you are feeling. Each day you can set some simple goal(s) to achieve, and people here can help you do that. One thing that I took away from AA is the rule of progress, not perfection, even though I don't attend AA now. It's a simple axiom to follow.
Your thoughts are racing right now, so just acknowledge what you are feeling but focus on the smaller things.
Your mental health is vital. When I first started my serious path toward recovery only the most simple things were afforded to me, and primarily that was shelter, food, and abstinence. As Dee stated, you need to work on the foundation first.
and thank you both. IF it wasn't for Dee, I wouldn't have went to the doctors this morning lol
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
I am so glad you go to the doctor. Good for you as many will not.
Don't overthink and overanalyze things. Make two big goals for this time and follow those. Stay sober. Eat and take care of yourself. Then once those things are under control, you can slowly add more into what you can take care of. And be honest with those you do see (like the dr) about your struggles!
There are resources out there many don't even think about. My church has a ministry made up of a bunch of different people. Accounting, some with mental health background, divorced, abused, the list goes on. Those people have went through(and continue to receive) extensive peer training to be able to help others who are willing to reach out through the church for their assistance. That is just one example.
Many universities have students who are graduating soon with their masters in social work or mental health fields who do counseling for their clinicals at local centers for a very reduced price. I'm talking $5 per session. Medicaid will provide transportation to services if they are not near you. Many don't know that. I have found these people to be an excellent resource. They have training fresh in their head, and they are motivated and not burnt out. They have the latest info at their finger tips.
It's a matter of reaching out and seeing what's out there. You don't have to do it all at once. Call a hospital and speak to a social worker and see if they can advise you of community resources who assist.
It's a process. It does not have to be an overwhelming one if you don't let it. Of course, here at SR is a place of great support. And with continued sobriety, you will likely see that your ability to hold things together and form friendships, etc will be stronger.
Sending you a big hug!
Don't overthink and overanalyze things. Make two big goals for this time and follow those. Stay sober. Eat and take care of yourself. Then once those things are under control, you can slowly add more into what you can take care of. And be honest with those you do see (like the dr) about your struggles!
There are resources out there many don't even think about. My church has a ministry made up of a bunch of different people. Accounting, some with mental health background, divorced, abused, the list goes on. Those people have went through(and continue to receive) extensive peer training to be able to help others who are willing to reach out through the church for their assistance. That is just one example.
Many universities have students who are graduating soon with their masters in social work or mental health fields who do counseling for their clinicals at local centers for a very reduced price. I'm talking $5 per session. Medicaid will provide transportation to services if they are not near you. Many don't know that. I have found these people to be an excellent resource. They have training fresh in their head, and they are motivated and not burnt out. They have the latest info at their finger tips.
It's a matter of reaching out and seeing what's out there. You don't have to do it all at once. Call a hospital and speak to a social worker and see if they can advise you of community resources who assist.
It's a process. It does not have to be an overwhelming one if you don't let it. Of course, here at SR is a place of great support. And with continued sobriety, you will likely see that your ability to hold things together and form friendships, etc will be stronger.
Sending you a big hug!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
Honestly, at the end of my drinking I had all those same thoughts. I really just wanted to die, because I didn't see a way out. I thought everyone was judging me, and judging me negatively: not the least of which was me judging me negatively.
I quit drinking and to my surprise I found that my brain, thoughts, social anxiety, mental health all improved greatly in time.
Give yourself the gift of 90 days sober starting today.
I've read it lots of times, you don't have to sort this out first. First quit drinking - quit applying a neurotoxin to your nervous system and then give your body time to heal. I was a mess when I first quit. Alcohol will do that to anyone. You were perfectly created.
If your house is on fire, it's not necessary to figure out why. Just get out of the house!!
I quit drinking and to my surprise I found that my brain, thoughts, social anxiety, mental health all improved greatly in time.
Give yourself the gift of 90 days sober starting today.
I've read it lots of times, you don't have to sort this out first. First quit drinking - quit applying a neurotoxin to your nervous system and then give your body time to heal. I was a mess when I first quit. Alcohol will do that to anyone. You were perfectly created.
If your house is on fire, it's not necessary to figure out why. Just get out of the house!!
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