ulfr

i cant live like i am , i cant keep going with out going to meeting but am needing to go to them my husband will not let me go to NA meeting its just once a week and the rest is AA i need both he wants to limit me am trying hard to keep going am needing help the AA meeting are ok but i need more than i am having just now ...i feel like screaming at my dr husband and everyone i need help
am starting to self distrust want to buy drugs thinking of getting money and use if i did that my husband would never give me money again i need like a child i want distoy myself ....an end game ... my life THIS COULD KILL ME maybe this is what am wanting in a sick and twisted way

Anna

Serenity, I suspect your husband is limiting the number of meetings because he needs to take you there and to wait to bring you home? If so, maybe one of the people from the meeting could pick you up and go with you? Would that work?

ulfr

we have sorted a rota out going to meeting during the week leaving the weekends free sorry about the pity party

PhoenixJ

Not a pity party..you are seeking help, understanding and support. Addiction has no rules- and those who have not experiences it find it hard to understand. It is good you are going to meetings. Do uou journal? I do and find it helps- as posting here - at times obsessively helps.
My prayers and support to you Seren.

Dee74

I think It's great that you continue to reach out SerenityRiver - I wish I had some easy answers for you, but I am always here for support regardless

D

ulfr

been going to more meetings 2 a day but am also going to go smart meetings with a girl from AA she said take me am also going to get in touch with somewhere that does drug and alcohol support for people with addiction problems including counselling i think i need more help at the moment i mean i see my pastor but i have since changed faith and i might not be able to access that help anymore and they have no experience with addictions i men am falling apart at the moment but i need to make use of what there telling me sometimes i feel if i get well i would have to work again and i havent worked for over 20 years and i worry about money all the time when i talk to my husband about it he says let me worry about that he looks after all the money i have to let him deal with it am scared to be on my own at home if he worked id have no one with me during the times he was to work he tried to work before when we first got together i would call him at work and ask him to come home
worried about getting well so i stay sick instead but am ******* ruin the life i have left and going through life the hard way and hurting everyone with me
THIS NEEDS TO STOP NOW

DarklingSong

I am sorry to hear you are suffering. I hope things improve for you soon.

Dee74

be gentle with yourself serenityriver - you're a good person and deserve to be treated with love and compassion, even by yourself

D

sugarbear1

Meetings help us find a sponsor. Are you working the steps with a sponsor yet?

Anna

Serenity, be proud of yourself for how hard you're working to take care of yourself.

Purplrks3647

(((Serenity))) That's cool that you go to both AA and Smart.....have you done the Smart online meetings as well? I find those to be helpful too... Stay close and I hope your evening is going okay