Well; had another wellness done today.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Somerset County, NJ
Posts: 70
Well; had another wellness done today.
As you all know; my alcoholic x boyfriend has been on a four week bender. He’s isolated himself in his house surrounded by vodka bottles and space heaters. His phone has been off for three weeks. To keep a peace of mind; I had a wellness check done; when I called the cops already knew who I was inquiring about. They said “he doesn’t even answer the door anymore” he just yells from the couch to “go away”. So it’s good I guess his family is trying too. I wish I could let go. He’s not even in my life anymore and I still care for him. I don’t want him to be found dead days after it happens. Is it bad I keep ordering these checks once a week? He’s been so bad to me everyone keeps telling me to just give up all together. It’s so hard. I wanted to marry this man. I know he’s cold and hungry. He doesn’t brush his teeth or shower when he’s like this too. It’s so damn sad. I wish I could just take a pill and completely move on. 😔.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi lost, I admire your concern for him, and I really understand it. You mentioned his family may be checking as well? If you can confirm that, you might be able to 'hand over' responsibility for checking to them, either in your mind, or by talking to them.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 685
How does he obtain vodka? Just wondering. He must have access to money.
And, either he does leave the house to get it or gets it delivered, which would mean he has a phone. Maybe a prepaid one. Either way, he could get food in the same way he gets vodka if he chooses to.
Sorry lost, it's a very tragic situation. I hope he decides to seek help. I don't think it's bad you order the wellness checks at all. It may get through to him he's cared about.
And, either he does leave the house to get it or gets it delivered, which would mean he has a phone. Maybe a prepaid one. Either way, he could get food in the same way he gets vodka if he chooses to.
Sorry lost, it's a very tragic situation. I hope he decides to seek help. I don't think it's bad you order the wellness checks at all. It may get through to him he's cared about.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 21
I am really sorry about this and I can totally relate to what you have been going through - as you might remember from my post my ex boyfriend was found dead a week after I broke up with him. And I have been on an emotional roller coaster since then.
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
Forum Leader
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,944
It is kind of you to have welfare checks performed.
The sad truth is, we can't make someone take care of themselves--even if they aren't alcoholics or addicts. I have a friend who sometimes gets in a funk and just won't shower or brush his teeth for days
I can't provide him with the will to take better care of himself.
Moving on? Well, that I know a bit about
For me, I just had to make the decision to do so, and then act on that decision. In the past, what that has looked like for me is distracting myself with phone calls to friends and asking about *their* lives instead of talking about mine. Looking for free activities to do in town in order to fill up my time. Scrubbing the daylights out of my house. Meeting new friends. Filling my life up with good!!
Please take good care of you, and don't be too hard on yourself. This stuff isn't easy!
The sad truth is, we can't make someone take care of themselves--even if they aren't alcoholics or addicts. I have a friend who sometimes gets in a funk and just won't shower or brush his teeth for days
I can't provide him with the will to take better care of himself.Moving on? Well, that I know a bit about
For me, I just had to make the decision to do so, and then act on that decision. In the past, what that has looked like for me is distracting myself with phone calls to friends and asking about *their* lives instead of talking about mine. Looking for free activities to do in town in order to fill up my time. Scrubbing the daylights out of my house. Meeting new friends. Filling my life up with good!!Please take good care of you, and don't be too hard on yourself. This stuff isn't easy!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Somerset County, NJ
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by sedasa 
I am really sorry about this and I can totally relate to what you have been going through - as you might remember from my post my ex boyfriend was found dead a week after I broke up with him. And I have been on an emotional roller coaster since then.
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Somerset County, NJ
Posts: 70
Originally Posted by sedasa
I am really sorry about this and I can totally relate to what you have been going through - as you might remember from my post my ex boyfriend was found dead a week after I broke up with him. And I have been on an emotional roller coaster since then.
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
I think what you should do is handing the responsibility over to someone who would still care about him. Is there anyone who is still in contact with him?
Originally Posted by 53500
How does he obtain vodka? Just wondering. He must have access to money.
And, either he does leave the house to get it or gets it delivered, which would mean he has a phone. Maybe a prepaid one. Either way, he could get food in the same way he gets vodka if he chooses to.
Sorry lost, it's a very tragic situation. I hope he decides to seek help. I don't think it's bad you order the wellness checks at all. It may get through to him he's cared about.
And, either he does leave the house to get it or gets it delivered, which would mean he has a phone. Maybe a prepaid one. Either way, he could get food in the same way he gets vodka if he chooses to.
Sorry lost, it's a very tragic situation. I hope he decides to seek help. I don't think it's bad you order the wellness checks at all. It may get through to him he's cared about.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Long Island, NY
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by lostinjersey1
It’s like no matter what I’m hurt. I can’t just let go.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do. If he chooses to drink himself to death, that is his choice. That sounds so harsh, but it's so true. I wish we had the power to make someone choose life, to choose wellness, to stop the addiction. Only they can make that choice.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I say this all kindly because I know it's painful.
Remember that you did not cause this, you cannot control this, and you cannot cure it.
Huge hugs.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I say this all kindly because I know it's painful.
Remember that you did not cause this, you cannot control this, and you cannot cure it.
Huge hugs.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
