Seeking advice
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 3
Seeking advice
Hello, I am new to this site and learning a great deal about alcoholism. I feel a bit better and realize that I am not alone.
Recently, My ABF broke up with me after a nasty argument. I confronted his behavior while he was binge drinking, terrible things were said and feelings obviously changed on his part.
I am hurt and ashamed that I allowed myself to get so angry. I never wanted to hurt him and hoped I could get through to him. I am aware that no matter what, he will choose alcohol over anyone that loves him. His family is a bit distant from him. I am afraid for his health and wonder if I should reach out to a family member in hopes of getting him help? Do I just walk away and hope he doesn’t end up hurt?
Recently, My ABF broke up with me after a nasty argument. I confronted his behavior while he was binge drinking, terrible things were said and feelings obviously changed on his part.
I am hurt and ashamed that I allowed myself to get so angry. I never wanted to hurt him and hoped I could get through to him. I am aware that no matter what, he will choose alcohol over anyone that loves him. His family is a bit distant from him. I am afraid for his health and wonder if I should reach out to a family member in hopes of getting him help? Do I just walk away and hope he doesn’t end up hurt?
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Bella,
Welcome to SR.
I am afraid for his health and wonder if I should reach out to a family member in hopes of getting him help?
Every time I tried this, it didn't help at all. Go with your gut instincts.
Do I just walk away and hope he doesn’t end up hurt?
Alcoholics are quite resourceful and often much smarter and resilient than given credit for.
Self-preservation is important. As we turn our energy and efforts towards our own well-being, the chances are having future healthy relationships with healthy people increases dramatically.
http://www.al-anon.org/
Welcome to SR.
I am afraid for his health and wonder if I should reach out to a family member in hopes of getting him help?
Every time I tried this, it didn't help at all. Go with your gut instincts.
Do I just walk away and hope he doesn’t end up hurt?
Alcoholics are quite resourceful and often much smarter and resilient than given credit for.
Self-preservation is important. As we turn our energy and efforts towards our own well-being, the chances are having future healthy relationships with healthy people increases dramatically.
http://www.al-anon.org/
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 3
Thank you
I appreciate the responses and agree wholeheartedly. My ex is an extremely intelligent, high functioning alcoholic. I always sensed something was not right with his family relationships and things in his past. Unfortunately, no one warned me and I found out the hard way. I thought I could help him or maybe I was too blind to see how bad the problem really was. I love him and want him to get better from this disease. I pray he gets help.
Thank you for this site, it has really opened my eyes.
Thank you for this site, it has really opened my eyes.
Blue Belt
Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: Soberville, USA
Posts: 4,174
Bella,
Active booze addiction is strong and the addiction itself, even after the addict is no longer physically addicted, is for life.
There is no cure, only strategies to not drink anymore.
Unless your abf wants to quit, there is no stopping him.
Education may help him, but it can take decades for mental/physical degradation to be bad enough for the addict to want to quit. At that point, the way out is painful.
Thanks.
Active booze addiction is strong and the addiction itself, even after the addict is no longer physically addicted, is for life.
There is no cure, only strategies to not drink anymore.
Unless your abf wants to quit, there is no stopping him.
Education may help him, but it can take decades for mental/physical degradation to be bad enough for the addict to want to quit. At that point, the way out is painful.
Thanks.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Location: Somerset County, NJ
Posts: 70
Hi and welcome! I am sorry for what brings you here; I am going through something very similar. My ex-s just relapsed for the fifth time. I went to check on him and he basically yelled at me and called me names..It hurts, I am the one person who actually cares for him. This is the man who told me how much he loves me, now he's just nasty. I feel your pain,
One thing I have learned is, you CANNOT stop him from drinking...He has to want it.I figured my ex would stop drinking since he had bleeding on the brain from a drunken related incident but that didn't even stop him. It will hurt seeing him go through this. You are better off staying away, it will only get worse and the things he says to you will get worse. Try not to take what he says personal (I am telling myself this also) I just say this is not the man I fell in love with anymore...
You will find a lot of support here, I am so grateful to have found this forum.
Take care of you.
One thing I have learned is, you CANNOT stop him from drinking...He has to want it.I figured my ex would stop drinking since he had bleeding on the brain from a drunken related incident but that didn't even stop him. It will hurt seeing him go through this. You are better off staying away, it will only get worse and the things he says to you will get worse. Try not to take what he says personal (I am telling myself this also) I just say this is not the man I fell in love with anymore...
You will find a lot of support here, I am so grateful to have found this forum.
Take care of you.
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