Starr

I have been reading here for a couple weeks and it has helped me a lot. My question is to those of you who have been working the program for awhile, do you ever feel like a "normal" person again?

Ann

Gee, Starr, I can't say, but I've only been working my program about 10 years. Actually, I feel normal for me, and that's all that matters. You see, that's how this program works, it is about us doing what is right for us and feeling good about our lives again.

Welcome.

Hugs
Ann

Blondie

Seriously, what do you mean by normal? It could mean different things to different people.

osier59

Starr,

I have been working a program for a little over 6 years. Fortunately , I did NOT go back to "normal" because it is not a good place. Normal for me was a place of pain and uncertainty.

Each and every day is better for me. Sometimes I don't see how far I've come until I can look back at where I was vs where I am.

NORMAL? As I have heard they say in AA, Normal is just a setting on the washing machine.

Hugs and Love
Barb

tootiredmom

I have no idea what normal is. My life is a disaster because of his drinking and abuse. I have all the ability in the world to get out, but I just don't. Is that normal? I just know to keep some sanity, I have to come here.

osier59

TTmom,

It took me a LONG time to get out. Remember the 3 A's - Awareness, Acceptance, Action. It's important that you spend the right amount of time in the first two, before you take any action.

Hugs and love
Barb

Karivan

"The only normal people are the one's you don't know very well."

Alfred Adler

Starr

I guess I don't really know what I mean by normal. Others in a new group of people that I am in now, all seem so "normal". And with all the stuff I have lived with for so many years, I feel, so different. Other friends that have alcoholic spouses seem to react to situations as I do, we seem the same. I don't know, others don't live with what I live with and it affects my life in every aspect. Maybe there is no such thing as normal. Or maybe normal is something only people who have never lived with this situation know.

Gracey

That is one of the first things I learned for myself working my recovery for me. Going back to normal, or going back to the way things were wasnt working for us or me......this is something that I keep hangin onto.....

I dont want to go back to normal.......my normal was terrible and I pray to God that I never go back to my normal again. I am hoping with the knowledge that I have now......and the continous learning and working my program that will become normal for me and not so much work..........lol

I am learning new tools to work with that helps my recovery and I know that it has stopped many fights, because I can control the way I react to things that upset me. That is will all situations, not just with my AH.

Karivan

Good morning, Starr. I think I know what you mean. "Normal" people don't drink to excess or do drugs. They can have a social drink and stop there. They are involved in activities outside the house like church or sports. They do things with their kids. They don't get drunk, pee in the bed, have blackouts, pass out on the floor...

I think we're all capable of doing these things... we just have a harder time doing it with an "A" in our lives. The trick is to learn to detach and get a life for yourself. That's the hard part for me but I'm slowly doing it. I go to yoga class, I go to the gym, I go to church, and I'm making friends that are "normal". If my AH wants to join in, he has to be sober; otherwise he stays home.

I've stopped wishing I was living in the land of "The Grass is Greener" and I'm learning to live in the land of "My Grass is Brown".

tootiredmom

I like the last post. I have always gone to church and done sports, but I always felt like I had to "rush" home, but I don't anymore. I am learning to be okay what I want and that it is okay to be okay with what I want, however, it is making my husband angry. He thinks now I am too non-codependent. Can you be too non-codependent? It is always about him. If I am doing well and I react well it makes him feel good that "we" are okay, not that "I" am okay. But that is his deal, so yes, I feel normal again, and will continue to feel normal.

utopia

Normal? theres no such thing for me. i mainly focus on feeling happy and healthy, serene and calm, productive and responsible for my actions. loving of those around me, forgiving, expressive and able to let go of anything if it need be, in a world where wars and mass starvation dont continously make people think its crazy but the way you walk down the street is loopy. i think there is n such thing as sane or normal. its all a rich tapestry and a very diverse world with many different people. just focus on what keeps you at peace within because that matters more.
toby

Magichappens

If "normal" means feeling better, not subscribing to chaos, misery, and manipulation, being able to handle situations rationally and serenely, then yes. If normal means that everything and everyone around me will behave as I think they should, not a chance. Hugs, Magic

Daffodil

Starr,
I was 45 yrs old when I came into the program so I figure I'll be about 90 when I graduate. LOL!
Seriously, I don't know normal for anyone but myself. I know , today, moments of peace and sincerely, I have whole days of calmness in my life. I also know that the storms of life will never go away but I can choose to stay in the eye of the storms IF I choose to. I was very tired of the drama of the family disease of alcoholism and my part in it. When I started working the alanon program I just kept working the program and never quit.

I still have days that I forget I have a program. I still have times that I chose not to
work it. But it is always there for me to fall back on when my feeble efforts to do life my way fail. In looking back on my life I realize that my H.P. whom I chose to call God as I understand has always done for me what I couldn't do for myself or even knew that there was a different way or different tools to use.

A one liner I am fond of is:~ I AM NEVER TO OLD TO LEARN UNLESS I AM TO STUBBORN TO LISTEN~ In alanon they tell me that I need to keep an open mind. I try very hard
to do that.

Starr, please realize you are 100% human. When you "get perfect" there is only one thing you can do and that is to ascend because the rest of us humans won't be able to stand to be around you. LOL! (Darn I did so want to be perfect) I hope this doesn't sound flip Starr, I don't mean it to. Today I can laugh about the very things I used to cry about.

I would refer you the page 449 of the Big Book of A.A. on acceptance. Just in case I'll post it here anyway. I always need a reftesher course.

Acceptance is the anwser to all my problems today.

When I am desturbered, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation- some fact of my life unacceptable to me and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to at this moment.
Nothing.
Absolutely nothing. Happens in God's world by mistake.

Sorry this is so long. I just got carried away. But I hope it helps. I guess I just needed to hear it all again.

Love and prayers from one who cares.