Terrified over consequences - Can't leave home.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Terrified over consequences - Can't leave home.
Hey guys,
So following up on my post on Saturday which I said about a horrible relapse I had on Friday where I lost all my belongings.
Will there be more consequences? Probably not. History shows the worse consequence it's internal for all the pain and damage I do to myself. All the papers, glasses, phones... all that stuff, you'll eventually get them back.
Now I have to confess, I have not left my flat for two days in a row. Have not taken a shower, have not even opened the drapes. Tomorrow I have a very important meeting at work, and I feel like I just can't leave my house. I'm terrified about the consequences. I just don't feel the strength to stand up and face this again.
My personality is weird, I'm obsessive-compulsive, I got anxiety disorder etc, etc. I think you get the picture. After a month or when I feel better eventually I fall back into drinking.
Do I do it because I think I'm better or I'm not an alcoholic? Absolutely not. I'm fully aware that I am and how it is going to end. But still I drink, and for real is not like I want to!
To change I need more than meetings and therapy, I need a routine change, change in habits, change in a lot of things. I can't do rehab for several reasons, and I feel hopeless...
So thank for just reading whoever does it.
So following up on my post on Saturday which I said about a horrible relapse I had on Friday where I lost all my belongings.
Will there be more consequences? Probably not. History shows the worse consequence it's internal for all the pain and damage I do to myself. All the papers, glasses, phones... all that stuff, you'll eventually get them back.
Now I have to confess, I have not left my flat for two days in a row. Have not taken a shower, have not even opened the drapes. Tomorrow I have a very important meeting at work, and I feel like I just can't leave my house. I'm terrified about the consequences. I just don't feel the strength to stand up and face this again.
My personality is weird, I'm obsessive-compulsive, I got anxiety disorder etc, etc. I think you get the picture. After a month or when I feel better eventually I fall back into drinking.
Do I do it because I think I'm better or I'm not an alcoholic? Absolutely not. I'm fully aware that I am and how it is going to end. But still I drink, and for real is not like I want to!
To change I need more than meetings and therapy, I need a routine change, change in habits, change in a lot of things. I can't do rehab for several reasons, and I feel hopeless...
So thank for just reading whoever does it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: Portland maine
Posts: 1,330
I've been right where you are right now. What finally is working for me is no sugar, simple yoga, staying clear of certain situations, lots of water and walks. It's truly one second, moment, day at a time. My family needs me and I need me too. Please hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 280
Originally Posted by Hope1989 
Hey guys,
So following up on my post on Saturday which I said about a horrible relapse I had on Friday where I lost all my belongings.
Will there be more consequences? Probably not. History shows the worse consequence it's internal for all the pain and damage I do to myself. All the papers, glasses, phones... all that stuff, you'll eventually get them back.
Now I have to confess, I have not left my flat for two days in a row. Have not taken a shower, have not even opened the drapes. Tomorrow I have a very important meeting at work, and I feel like I just can't leave my house. I'm terrified about the consequences. I just don't feel the strength to stand up and face this again.
My personality is weird, I'm obsessive-compulsive, I got anxiety disorder etc, etc. I think you get the picture. After a month or when I feel better eventually I fall back into drinking.
Do I do it because I think I'm better or I'm not an alcoholic? Absolutely not. I'm fully aware that I am and how it is going to end. But still I drink, and for real is not like I want to!
To change I need more than meetings and therapy, I need a routine change, change in habits, change in a lot of things. I can't do rehab for several reasons, and I feel hopeless...
So thank for just reading whoever does it.
So following up on my post on Saturday which I said about a horrible relapse I had on Friday where I lost all my belongings.
Will there be more consequences? Probably not. History shows the worse consequence it's internal for all the pain and damage I do to myself. All the papers, glasses, phones... all that stuff, you'll eventually get them back.
Now I have to confess, I have not left my flat for two days in a row. Have not taken a shower, have not even opened the drapes. Tomorrow I have a very important meeting at work, and I feel like I just can't leave my house. I'm terrified about the consequences. I just don't feel the strength to stand up and face this again.
My personality is weird, I'm obsessive-compulsive, I got anxiety disorder etc, etc. I think you get the picture. After a month or when I feel better eventually I fall back into drinking.
Do I do it because I think I'm better or I'm not an alcoholic? Absolutely not. I'm fully aware that I am and how it is going to end. But still I drink, and for real is not like I want to!
To change I need more than meetings and therapy, I need a routine change, change in habits, change in a lot of things. I can't do rehab for several reasons, and I feel hopeless...
So thank for just reading whoever does it.
i was was in the same place 15 days ago. Pick yourself up little by little. Start with the shower. Then drapes. Then a small meal. Slowly it gets better. After a week of cleansing my system I got a new phone and wallet. As you said, all replaceable.
Always remember “this too shall pass”. And work on staying sober along with all of us..
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 245
Originally Posted by RUL23
I’ve been exactly where you are countless times. And if your name for this site has anything to do with birth year, we are similar in age. You’ll get through it...
i was was in the same place 15 days ago. Pick yourself up little by little. Start with the shower. Then drapes. Then a small meal. Slowly it gets better. After a week of cleansing my system I got a new phone and wallet. As you said, all replaceable.
Always remember “this too shall pass”. And work on staying sober along with all of us..
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Many of us here deal with anxiety issues and I know that you can manage to get through this. I hope you are able to make it to your work meeting. These tips might help:
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY (the American Assoc for Anxiety & Depression)
Take a Time-Out. Try some yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem can help clear your head.
Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. Limit caffeine.
Get enough sleep/rest. Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Use an iPod or exercise buddy to help you stick to your routine.
Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Belly-Breathing: Sit comfortably with shoulders, head and neck relaxed. Breath in slowly through your nose so that your stomach expands. Tighten stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.
Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.
Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school or something else you can’t identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. Look for a pattern.
Talk to someone. Tell friends/family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help. Talk to a professional.
Books
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
TIPS FOR DEALING WITH ANXIETY (the American Assoc for Anxiety & Depression)
Take a Time-Out. Try some yoga, listen to music, meditate, get a massage or learn relaxation techniques. Stepping back from the problem can help clear your head.
Eat well-balanced meals. Do not skip any meals. Keep healthful, energy-boosting snacks on hand. Limit caffeine.
Get enough sleep/rest. Exercise daily to help you feel good and maintain your health. Use an iPod or exercise buddy to help you stick to your routine.
Take deep breaths. Inhale and exhale slowly. Belly-Breathing: Sit comfortably with shoulders, head and neck relaxed. Breath in slowly through your nose so that your stomach expands. Tighten stomach muscles, letting them fall inward as you exhale slowly through your mouth.
Do your best. Instead of aiming for perfection, which isn’t possible, be proud of however close you get.
Accept that you cannot control everything. Put your stress in perspective: Is it really as bad as you think?
Welcome humour. A good laugh goes a long way.
Maintain a positive attitude. Make an effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones.
Get involved. Volunteer or find another way to be active in your community, which creates a support network and gives you a break from everyday stress.
Learn what triggers your anxiety. Is it work, family, school or something else you can’t identify? Write in a journal when you’re feeling stressed. Look for a pattern.
Talk to someone. Tell friends/family you’re feeling overwhelmed and let them know how they can help. Talk to a professional.
Books
Amen, Daniel Change Your Brain, Change Your Life
Bassett, Lucinda From Panic to Power
Burns, David MD When Panic Attacks
Chodron, Pema The Places that Scare You
Doidge, Norman MD The Brain that Changes Itself
Dyer, Wayne Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Orsilla, Ken Mindful Way Through Anxiety
Member
Join Date: Nov 2017
Posts: 280
I also suffer from OCD and panic attacks. This exercise works wonders for me:
4-7-8 Breathing
Breathing Technique
4-7-8 Breathing
Breathing Technique
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 230
Hi Hope ... i m sorry you had to go through such bad expieriencce again ... hopefully last time ... yes pick up yourself bit after bit . I noticed you wrote after a while you were not considered yourself alcoholic eyc . It does not matterbif you are alcoholic or not! You have diagnosis of ocd and anxiety this means that alcohol will make thise conditions worse and you never recover. It is clear for you alcohol is not working ... actually i wonder for how many people working hah unless sb can have a single glass of res with meal .This is not us . We drink to self medicate. We never drink normal as one glas is not enough to self medicate and a bottle or more creates vicious circle. You know this . Therefore itnis not important if you re alcoholic or not ... alcohol is not for you... it is destroyer. I m really sorry you are so young . You have whole life ahead. Big hugs . You ll bounce back but improvevrecovery plan . Thanks to Anna for listbof books and another person for breathing ex very useful i m going to check . Hope we can fo this x D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi Hopelittle things work for me - commit to taking a shower today - and clean up one part of the house, then tomorrow another part. Try walking out to the mailbox, then a little further, then a little further.
If you find yourself incapable of any of that please do consider seeing a Dr or therapist for help.
whats done is done, Hope. Its awful but it's over. Cancel whatever cards you need to.. replace whatever needs replacing and move on.
It makes no sense to beat yourself up mercilessly. Use that fear energy to power a new recovery plan instead
If you find yourself incapable of any of that please do consider seeing a Dr or therapist for help.
whats done is done, Hope. Its awful but it's over. Cancel whatever cards you need to.. replace whatever needs replacing and move on.
It makes no sense to beat yourself up mercilessly. Use that fear energy to power a new recovery plan instead
Grateful
Join Date: May 2013
Location: NC
Posts: 1,763
It sounds like you need to work the steps Hope. I was in and out of AA and in and out of sobriety for over 20 years. I'd string together impressive stretches of sobriety only to relapse, and with each relapse the consequences got worse. What was missing was that I was never willing to actually work the program of AA, the steps.
When I got sober in 2013 and went back to AA I was in bad shape. I reached the point where I couldn't live with or without alcohol and was contemplating suicide every morning as an alternative to facing another day of drinking. I decided to give sobriety and AA one more try with one difference...I became willing to go to any length to get/stay sober. That included getting a sponsor right away and working the steps. That was a difference maker, and it's still working 5 and a half years later through good times and bad.
When I got sober in 2013 and went back to AA I was in bad shape. I reached the point where I couldn't live with or without alcohol and was contemplating suicide every morning as an alternative to facing another day of drinking. I decided to give sobriety and AA one more try with one difference...I became willing to go to any length to get/stay sober. That included getting a sponsor right away and working the steps. That was a difference maker, and it's still working 5 and a half years later through good times and bad.
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