Tonight I Said Goodbye
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Tonight I Said Goodbye
I have been struggling with leaving my A boyfriend (we were together for four years). After over two years of sobriety he started drinking again. Over the past two weeks, since I found out about the drinking I have been in denial. Complete and total denial. Did I honestly think he would just stop? Yes, I did. Until tonight. I had dinner with a friend and stopped by his home. I instantly smelled the alcohol on his breath. In an instant all the pain moved to my stomach and sat there like a brick. I looked at him with anger and pity. I likely said things I should not have. In the end I said goodbye and walked out of his home. That is it. The end of four years with someone with whom I loved deeply and dearly. I cannot continue with this and cannot go back to the way things were before he was sober. The crazy part of it all is that when sober he is a terrific man. So it is one day at a time for me. I know I have a long road ahead but I am ready to face this journey. Thanks to everyone for your support and suggestions. It means a lot.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Here is what I have learned about living in denial.
Denial , allows us to pretend all is well . We ignore the evidence, we ignore our gut instinct , we suppress our own emotions. What we are actually doing is delaying the painful changes that need to happen, so we can resume living healthy lives.
Nobody wants to have to start over, nobody wants to find a new place to live, or secure a second job to make ends meet, and most of all we don’t want to be alone. People live miserably, comfortably every day. It takes courage to say “ no more “,
What we are able to accept and face, we conquer .
When we live in denial, we deny ourselves happiness, inner joy, security,
Yes you are going to be sad for a while, break ups are rough on the body , mind, and spirit, but the fact that you can honor yourself, and see your self worth, you are on your way to a healthy future. Keep posting, it helps, we do understand how you are currently feeling.
Denial , allows us to pretend all is well . We ignore the evidence, we ignore our gut instinct , we suppress our own emotions. What we are actually doing is delaying the painful changes that need to happen, so we can resume living healthy lives.
Nobody wants to have to start over, nobody wants to find a new place to live, or secure a second job to make ends meet, and most of all we don’t want to be alone. People live miserably, comfortably every day. It takes courage to say “ no more “,
What we are able to accept and face, we conquer .
When we live in denial, we deny ourselves happiness, inner joy, security,
Yes you are going to be sad for a while, break ups are rough on the body , mind, and spirit, but the fact that you can honor yourself, and see your self worth, you are on your way to a healthy future. Keep posting, it helps, we do understand how you are currently feeling.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
NJ,
You have been on this forum for almost 2 1/2 years. How is this event different then the other ones"
Do you have a plan? You know tomorrow he won't remember anything and will act like nothing is wrong.
Sending hugs and support to stay strong.
You have been on this forum for almost 2 1/2 years. How is this event different then the other ones"
Do you have a plan? You know tomorrow he won't remember anything and will act like nothing is wrong.
Sending hugs and support to stay strong.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by maia1234 
NJ,
You have been on this forum for almost 2 1/2 years. How is this event different then the other ones"
Do you have a plan? You know tomorrow he won't remember anything and will act like nothing is wrong.
Sending hugs and support to stay strong.
You have been on this forum for almost 2 1/2 years. How is this event different then the other ones"
Do you have a plan? You know tomorrow he won't remember anything and will act like nothing is wrong.
Sending hugs and support to stay strong.
Yes, my plan is to go to my therapist this week, get a great workout this morning, get a journal and develop a plan of activities to help me on this journey.
I am ready. Thank you!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by marie1960
Here is what I have learned about living in denial.
Denial , allows us to pretend all is well . We ignore the evidence, we ignore our gut instinct , we suppress our own emotions. What we are actually doing is delaying the painful changes that need to happen, so we can resume living healthy lives.
Nobody wants to have to start over, nobody wants to find a new place to live, or secure a second job to make ends meet, and most of all we don’t want to be alone. People live miserably, comfortably every day. It takes courage to say “ no more “,
What we are able to accept and face, we conquer .
When we live in denial, we deny ourselves happiness, inner joy, security,
Yes you are going to be sad for a while, break ups are rough on the body , mind, and spirit, but the fact that you can honor yourself, and see your self worth, you are on your way to a healthy future. Keep posting, it helps, we do understand how you are currently feeling.
Denial , allows us to pretend all is well . We ignore the evidence, we ignore our gut instinct , we suppress our own emotions. What we are actually doing is delaying the painful changes that need to happen, so we can resume living healthy lives.
Nobody wants to have to start over, nobody wants to find a new place to live, or secure a second job to make ends meet, and most of all we don’t want to be alone. People live miserably, comfortably every day. It takes courage to say “ no more “,
What we are able to accept and face, we conquer .
When we live in denial, we deny ourselves happiness, inner joy, security,
Yes you are going to be sad for a while, break ups are rough on the body , mind, and spirit, but the fact that you can honor yourself, and see your self worth, you are on your way to a healthy future. Keep posting, it helps, we do understand how you are currently feeling.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2016
Posts: 41
Originally Posted by Mellybug2018
I, too, am newly apart from my AXB. It sucks, it hurts, and it’s the best decision that I personally feel I could make for myself.
I hope that, in time, you will feel the same way as well.
We can get through this.
I hope that, in time, you will feel the same way as well.
We can get through this.
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