Here comes more emotional abuse
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 21
Here comes more emotional abuse
Hi all,
My now ex alcoholic and child's father has been home( at his house) for almost a week after leaving rehab after only 14 days in...
Since that time I have kept my boundaries firm, and ended the relationship as he has put myself and our child in danger, been emotionally abusive and controlling all over again despite his constant "I've changed so much since rehab" promises.
I have full custody of our child while he has visitation rights, totally fine ,EXCEPT he is in NO mental state to watch our child... alone. He has never done any part of raising her since day 1, he has been more of that friendly uncle that plays with her sometimes. So, due to the behavior he has shown since court ended and because he left rehab , with my daughters safety and well being in mind I requested an order of protection against him from the Judge. She heard the story and decided to place a FULL stay away order for our daughter AND me (even though I didn't request one for myself because I was only thinking of my child) and granted him visitation WITH a supervisor that he has to set up.
Well, he saw the OP as "war" and has been degrading me on social media, his mother has started writing on his facebook (playing victim as always) against me but without using my name … He is clearly NOT taking responsibility for his dangerous and inappropriate behavior and IM the bad guy..
He is now back to hanging out with all of his alcoholic degenerate friends. It sucks. I don't have an evil bone in my body, and truly wanted the BEST for him so we could be a family.. .But he isn't even willing to change himself to be a good man.
It's truly sad, I do not engage in any arguments with him, I do not entice him in any way.
It hurts because I was hopeful. He said ALL the right things! Truly made me believe that he was ready to own up and heal himself. Instead, he is back to his old ways, which isn't a surprise, but more of a disappointment that I fell for the manipulation... again . Even the counselor at rehab told him he is extremely possessive and a master manipulator.
Here's to healing myself and keeping my baby safe at all costs. <3
My now ex alcoholic and child's father has been home( at his house) for almost a week after leaving rehab after only 14 days in...
Since that time I have kept my boundaries firm, and ended the relationship as he has put myself and our child in danger, been emotionally abusive and controlling all over again despite his constant "I've changed so much since rehab" promises.
I have full custody of our child while he has visitation rights, totally fine ,EXCEPT he is in NO mental state to watch our child... alone. He has never done any part of raising her since day 1, he has been more of that friendly uncle that plays with her sometimes. So, due to the behavior he has shown since court ended and because he left rehab , with my daughters safety and well being in mind I requested an order of protection against him from the Judge. She heard the story and decided to place a FULL stay away order for our daughter AND me (even though I didn't request one for myself because I was only thinking of my child) and granted him visitation WITH a supervisor that he has to set up.
Well, he saw the OP as "war" and has been degrading me on social media, his mother has started writing on his facebook (playing victim as always) against me but without using my name … He is clearly NOT taking responsibility for his dangerous and inappropriate behavior and IM the bad guy..
He is now back to hanging out with all of his alcoholic degenerate friends. It sucks. I don't have an evil bone in my body, and truly wanted the BEST for him so we could be a family.. .But he isn't even willing to change himself to be a good man.
It's truly sad, I do not engage in any arguments with him, I do not entice him in any way.
It hurts because I was hopeful. He said ALL the right things! Truly made me believe that he was ready to own up and heal himself. Instead, he is back to his old ways, which isn't a surprise, but more of a disappointment that I fell for the manipulation... again . Even the counselor at rehab told him he is extremely possessive and a master manipulator.
Here's to healing myself and keeping my baby safe at all costs. <3
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
gnc, I know this is so so hard to take, but honestly, his behavior just proves that you have taken all the right steps to protect yourself and your daughter.
Chalk it up as a lesson learned about taking people's ACTIONS more seriously than their WORDS, and giving yourself the time to SEE real change, not just promises of it.
You can't make him handle this better, you can't make his mother be a decent human being. Anyone who falls for their nonsense on social media will eventually see where the real problem lies. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone.
Sending strength, courage and patience with the days ahead. I am very happy that you and your baby are protected by the court.
Chalk it up as a lesson learned about taking people's ACTIONS more seriously than their WORDS, and giving yourself the time to SEE real change, not just promises of it.
You can't make him handle this better, you can't make his mother be a decent human being. Anyone who falls for their nonsense on social media will eventually see where the real problem lies. You don't have to prove yourself to anyone.
Sending strength, courage and patience with the days ahead. I am very happy that you and your baby are protected by the court.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
gnc…...be sure to keep a record of all that goes on....in case you need it as evidence, down the road...…
I hope that you will get some professional support to help you through this and to offer emotional support.....
I think you can expect to grieve the loss of your hopes of having the Norman Rockwell type family.....
Part of the process is to ruminate and mentally "review" all aspects of the relationship (for a while)….and, that can stir up many feelings....
As difficult and painful as this is...it is a great opportunity for positive change to come about, for you as well as a lot of learning.....
The better you treat yourself, and put your welfare first, the better prepared you are to give your daughter the kind of future life that she deserves.....
Children benefit greatly from having a happy mother.....
I hope that you will get some professional support to help you through this and to offer emotional support.....
I think you can expect to grieve the loss of your hopes of having the Norman Rockwell type family.....
Part of the process is to ruminate and mentally "review" all aspects of the relationship (for a while)….and, that can stir up many feelings....
As difficult and painful as this is...it is a great opportunity for positive change to come about, for you as well as a lot of learning.....
The better you treat yourself, and put your welfare first, the better prepared you are to give your daughter the kind of future life that she deserves.....
Children benefit greatly from having a happy mother.....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Posts: 21
He just doesn't stop.
Against the order of protection, he texts me this morning! "In regards to my visitiation, how do I see her? I cannot afford to pay an agency as you know money is tight from being out of work (he is choosing not to go back to work , collecting unemployment, because his job was letting him off work to be in rehab, but they don't know he checked himself out!) Not sure why this all happened but its not healthy for our daughter so what do we do..."
The manipulation!!!!!!! It states in the ORDER NOT to contact me by any means EXCEPT to schedule the visitation .. which he manipulates and texts me ABOUT "visitation" but not to schedule anything . He expects ME to go against the judge and feel sorry for him and set up something out side of what the judge states.
Against the order of protection, he texts me this morning! "In regards to my visitiation, how do I see her? I cannot afford to pay an agency as you know money is tight from being out of work (he is choosing not to go back to work , collecting unemployment, because his job was letting him off work to be in rehab, but they don't know he checked himself out!) Not sure why this all happened but its not healthy for our daughter so what do we do..."
The manipulation!!!!!!! It states in the ORDER NOT to contact me by any means EXCEPT to schedule the visitation .. which he manipulates and texts me ABOUT "visitation" but not to schedule anything . He expects ME to go against the judge and feel sorry for him and set up something out side of what the judge states.
Last edited by gnc13; 08-27-2018 at 08:13 AM. Reason: had to add
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: Chicago
Posts: 5,450
Do not respond! It is up to him to figure all of that out. He is an adult.
Don't engage, or his violation of the order of protection might not be taken seriously. Don't even engage to tell him to leave you alone.
What's really bad for your daughter is a father who can't take responsibility for himself, so please do not let that particular suggestion worm it's way into doubt.
Don't engage, or his violation of the order of protection might not be taken seriously. Don't even engage to tell him to leave you alone.
What's really bad for your daughter is a father who can't take responsibility for himself, so please do not let that particular suggestion worm it's way into doubt.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I second do not respond to him! I would only respond if it actually had to do with a scheduled visit with a qualified supervisor.
I would also talk with a domestic violence counselor and get some advice on how to address his text messages. Ask what would constitute him violating the protection order and if he does, take that step if necessary.
I would also talk with a domestic violence counselor and get some advice on how to address his text messages. Ask what would constitute him violating the protection order and if he does, take that step if necessary.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by gnc13 
He just doesn't stop.
Against the order of protection, he texts me this morning! "In regards to my visitiation, how do I see her? I cannot afford to pay an agency as you know money is tight from being out of work (he is choosing not to go back to work , collecting unemployment, because his job was letting him off work to be in rehab, but they don't know he checked himself out!) Not sure why this all happened but its not healthy for our daughter so what do we do..."
The manipulation!!!!!!! It states in the ORDER NOT to contact me by any means EXCEPT to schedule the visitation .. which he manipulates and texts me ABOUT "visitation" but not to schedule anything . He expects ME to go against the judge and feel sorry for him and set up something out side of what the judge states.
Against the order of protection, he texts me this morning! "In regards to my visitiation, how do I see her? I cannot afford to pay an agency as you know money is tight from being out of work (he is choosing not to go back to work , collecting unemployment, because his job was letting him off work to be in rehab, but they don't know he checked himself out!) Not sure why this all happened but its not healthy for our daughter so what do we do..."
The manipulation!!!!!!! It states in the ORDER NOT to contact me by any means EXCEPT to schedule the visitation .. which he manipulates and texts me ABOUT "visitation" but not to schedule anything . He expects ME to go against the judge and feel sorry for him and set up something out side of what the judge states.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Originally Posted by gnc13
Not sure why this all happened but its not healthy for our daughter so what do we do..."
You're right, that part highlighted above is supposed to make you feel guilty, don't let it. It's pure manipulation, nothing more.
If he was so concerned about the well being of your Daughter he wouldn't be texting because he would still be in rehab, trying to sort his life out, thinking of someone besides himself.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
Personal protection orders are important documents that can help protect you and your family. Unfortunately, they’re not always adhered to by batterers. Here are the steps you should take if someone violates your personal protection order (PPO).
1. Document everything about the violation. If your abuser contacts you electronically, take screen shots of the texts or emails, making sure to capture the date and time stamp and email address or phone number. If he or she calls your cell phone, take screen shots of that as well. If the call comes to a landline, write down what time the call came in and what number it came from. Do not engage in conversation with your abuser.
2. Call the police. Violating a court order is a crime. Your PPO will specify how the defendant is permitted to have contact with you, if at all. If the order states there is to be no contact, then it means no contact. That includes seemingly benign or even “polite” contact. Report all incidents of violations to your local police department as soon as possible. If your abuser contacts you in person and you feel threatened in any way, call 911. If he or she contacts you via telephone or electronically, call the police and have the above documentation handy so you’re prepared to describe details of the violation. Your police department will confirm the PPO as part of its investigation. But keeping it with you may save some time in affecting an arrest.
3. Consider your safety. If your abuser isn’t arrested right away for the violation and you feel as though your safety is in danger, take steps to protect yourself by alerting security staff at your workplace, not adhering to your known routine and relocating to somewhere safe, which may be with a friend or at a domestic violence shelter.
June 24, 2015 By domesticshelters.org
1. Document everything about the violation. If your abuser contacts you electronically, take screen shots of the texts or emails, making sure to capture the date and time stamp and email address or phone number. If he or she calls your cell phone, take screen shots of that as well. If the call comes to a landline, write down what time the call came in and what number it came from. Do not engage in conversation with your abuser.
2. Call the police. Violating a court order is a crime. Your PPO will specify how the defendant is permitted to have contact with you, if at all. If the order states there is to be no contact, then it means no contact. That includes seemingly benign or even “polite” contact. Report all incidents of violations to your local police department as soon as possible. If your abuser contacts you in person and you feel threatened in any way, call 911. If he or she contacts you via telephone or electronically, call the police and have the above documentation handy so you’re prepared to describe details of the violation. Your police department will confirm the PPO as part of its investigation. But keeping it with you may save some time in affecting an arrest.
3. Consider your safety. If your abuser isn’t arrested right away for the violation and you feel as though your safety is in danger, take steps to protect yourself by alerting security staff at your workplace, not adhering to your known routine and relocating to somewhere safe, which may be with a friend or at a domestic violence shelter.
June 24, 2015 By domesticshelters.org
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
