I know I am an alcoholic because...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Loveland, Colorado
Posts: 22
I know I am an alcoholic because...
I lie, and I lie about drinking. I have been in medical detox twice, once when I felt so hopeless that I couldn't stop drinking and then again after I had been dry for 4 months. Now instead of getting cash at the grocery store, I buy myself gift cards to get alcohol. I lie to my therapist. I finally admitted to my son the other night that I had been drinking again and told him where all my hiding places were. He immediately found my bottle of vodka and emptied it out and then sat with me until I fell asleep. The only hope I have is that every relapse is shorter and I am more resolved to quit for good. Until 8 months ago, my family knew that something was wrong but everyone was completely shocked that I was an alcoholic because I have never been a social drinker. I hide my drinking at night and use it to numb my emotional pain. I just found out my only daughter is pregnant with her first child and I don't want to miss out on this miracle by continuing to drink, so I am asking for help to quit my lies and quit drinking!!!
Last edited by kbm697; 08-22-2018 at 09:47 PM. Reason: spelling
No Dogma Please
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: SoCal
Posts: 2,562
Some of my close circle of friends have basically said "How did we not know? You were the responsible one who kept it slow (we did a lot of wine tasting parties), stopped at least an hour if not longer before you had to drive, and were always OK."
What they didn't know is that I'd be starting to tremble on the drive home until I got my bottle of vodka going once I got home.
I did medical detox and inpatient rehab as well. While there I decided this was not an experience I was ever going to repeat, and the only way to assure this was to never drink, coke or pill again.
That was almost 16 months ago. YOU CAN DO THIS.
What they didn't know is that I'd be starting to tremble on the drive home until I got my bottle of vodka going once I got home.
I did medical detox and inpatient rehab as well. While there I decided this was not an experience I was ever going to repeat, and the only way to assure this was to never drink, coke or pill again.
That was almost 16 months ago. YOU CAN DO THIS.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
because at the art school I am new at- I scan the volume of booze left in student fridges...despite being 2.5y sober and in no way tempted to drink it. Normal people would no do a mental inventory, I think.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 2,872
Hello and welcome.
I know I'm an alcoholic, I just don't drink any more.
I live alone so I never had to hide booze.
But lie? I lied to everyone. I was just talking to an old friend today and told her I was an alcoholic. we used to have lunch together a lot.
Social drinking? No problem. I would just get half lit before I went.
You don't have to wait until the relapses get shorter. You can quit now.
There is no logical reason not to.
I was a chronic relapse and was until I took action. You've done that.
You're doing it by coming here.
Think of the freedom from guilt, anxiety and shame. It's all possible.
I was drunk for over twenty years. I needed help, I couldn't do it alone.
I went to AA. Have you consider that? You have nothing to lose.
But if you stay on the path you're going, well, take it from me. You can lose it all. It's progressive.
You're here, I recommend reading and posting.
Take responsibility for yourself and your sanity.
And bare in mind, you never have to drink again.
Best to you.
I know I'm an alcoholic, I just don't drink any more.
I live alone so I never had to hide booze.
But lie? I lied to everyone. I was just talking to an old friend today and told her I was an alcoholic. we used to have lunch together a lot.
Social drinking? No problem. I would just get half lit before I went.
You don't have to wait until the relapses get shorter. You can quit now.
There is no logical reason not to.
I was a chronic relapse and was until I took action. You've done that.
You're doing it by coming here.
Think of the freedom from guilt, anxiety and shame. It's all possible.
I was drunk for over twenty years. I needed help, I couldn't do it alone.
I went to AA. Have you consider that? You have nothing to lose.
But if you stay on the path you're going, well, take it from me. You can lose it all. It's progressive.
You're here, I recommend reading and posting.
Take responsibility for yourself and your sanity.
And bare in mind, you never have to drink again.
Best to you.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,670
My a;pols, KBM. I read your title and ploughed ahead without reading your post very well.
I lied to the extent and because of the drinking and cognitive changes- believed the crap that was coming out of my mouth. the ripple effects are still very raw....and have changed any 'relationship' I have with my 2 adult sons.
The good news is- we do not have to live in that miasma of lies and shame...and with support- trying and learning from others (like here @ SR) we can be better, sober people.
I do not need to shoot someone in the leg- to learn it is illegal and dangerous….
My prayers and support to you.
I lied to the extent and because of the drinking and cognitive changes- believed the crap that was coming out of my mouth. the ripple effects are still very raw....and have changed any 'relationship' I have with my 2 adult sons.
The good news is- we do not have to live in that miasma of lies and shame...and with support- trying and learning from others (like here @ SR) we can be better, sober people.
I do not need to shoot someone in the leg- to learn it is illegal and dangerous….
My prayers and support to you.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: Minnesota, USA
Posts: 1,469
Welcome!
I too would lie about my drinking, I suppose the only difference is that everyone knew I was drinking. I could not hide it.
What helped me was therapy, books, coming here and going to AA meetings to be around other people like me and having those people around me for support. My support system is very small, I would now say i have have 2 people where before I had maybe 4 (besides those in AA). My circle has shrunk, which I am totally OK with!
1 thing I also realized was I had to be sober for me above all, or recovery just wasn't going to work out. I know this because I tried to get sober for other people for 6 or 7 years prior to now. The difference: IT was for me in order to be a better non hung over version of myself, to be a better mother, friend, business owner. All of that gets better but it starts from within.
Becoming a grandma, how exciting!
My mother is a practicing alcoholic, meaning she is still drinking. My son is 3. SHe has not seen him for almost a year, she is not welcome into our lives until she stops drinking. She has made that choice to continue to drink, she has made that choice to not have any contact with us. While she would love to blame me, that I am the one who took her grandson away, I am the evil person, BLAA BLAAA.... While she is suffering in her addiction she is unable to see what she is doing and the choices she made.
I pray you stop drinking, and recover (to not become a dry drunk) and have a relationship with your children and soon to be grandchildren. They would LOVE to have you around, I am sure of it. But being a drunk isn't going to do you any good. It already sounds like you have support from your son.
Do you have a plan of recovery?
Blessings,
DC
I too would lie about my drinking, I suppose the only difference is that everyone knew I was drinking. I could not hide it.
What helped me was therapy, books, coming here and going to AA meetings to be around other people like me and having those people around me for support. My support system is very small, I would now say i have have 2 people where before I had maybe 4 (besides those in AA). My circle has shrunk, which I am totally OK with!
1 thing I also realized was I had to be sober for me above all, or recovery just wasn't going to work out. I know this because I tried to get sober for other people for 6 or 7 years prior to now. The difference: IT was for me in order to be a better non hung over version of myself, to be a better mother, friend, business owner. All of that gets better but it starts from within.
Becoming a grandma, how exciting!
My mother is a practicing alcoholic, meaning she is still drinking. My son is 3. SHe has not seen him for almost a year, she is not welcome into our lives until she stops drinking. She has made that choice to continue to drink, she has made that choice to not have any contact with us. While she would love to blame me, that I am the one who took her grandson away, I am the evil person, BLAA BLAAA.... While she is suffering in her addiction she is unable to see what she is doing and the choices she made.
I pray you stop drinking, and recover (to not become a dry drunk) and have a relationship with your children and soon to be grandchildren. They would LOVE to have you around, I am sure of it. But being a drunk isn't going to do you any good. It already sounds like you have support from your son.
Do you have a plan of recovery?
Blessings,
DC
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Loveland, Colorado
Posts: 22
Thanks to all for support and advice!! To Dreamcatcher17, being here and accountable is part of my plan. I am such a people pleaser that even when I am getting help I hide what I am doing wrong so I hope that people will keep reminding me of what I have to lose and encourage me to stay on track!! I will also continue with therapy. I have three sons and one daughter and the son I told will also keep me honest. I also have been prescribed both Campral and Naltrexone and haven't been taking it like I should, but will begin taking them again. I also am VERY committed to getting and staying sober this time. I am so excited to be a grandma and don't want anything to ruin it!!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 82
..... I can not drink like a 'normal' person. I always needed to have at least a litre of vodka while others would have a couple of cans or bottles. I always craved alcohol. I based my life around alcohol. I lied to those I loved and lost alot. Being sober really has been amazing. I do not have the best health but I can feel my energy levels improving. One day I hope I can stop thinking excessively about alcohol.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2017
Location: Right here, right now
Posts: 3,974
I drank alone too and lied about drinking as well. It’s strange but I took a little bit of pride in knowing that I could deceive others and be so high functioning. I could show up to a work meeting after a few drinks and not only would no one know, but my performance was also stellar. But my drinking got worse and consequences started to happen, like getting into a minor car accident on the way back from one of those meetings. After time, I realized that the biggest lie and hurt was to myself, and things would only progress to bigger problems, maybe bigger car accidents and relationship problems, etc. if I didn’t completely stop. I know you can do this!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 132
Lied about my drinking all the time!!
Can't tell you how many graves I swore on that I was not drinking/buzzed/drunk/bought booze. Lied to hubby about having a drink all the time and the empty bottles he found were old!
And the guilt after.
I also lied to my teens saying I was coming down with something every time I was going thru withdrawals (ate something bad, cold, sore throat, allergies).
I changed package stores often and lied to them when I'd go @ 8 am saying I was having girlfriends over for lunch. Yeah-my five little fingers holding my drinks.
I lied to my mother saying I was seeing a therapist for my drinking.
Lied every time I went upstairs to have a hidden sip saying I needed to check lights, pull down shades, check temperature, get laundry etc.
There should be another warning on alcohol-May cause habitual dishonesty and schemings.
Welcome and best of luck on your sober journey!
Can't tell you how many graves I swore on that I was not drinking/buzzed/drunk/bought booze. Lied to hubby about having a drink all the time and the empty bottles he found were old!
And the guilt after.
I also lied to my teens saying I was coming down with something every time I was going thru withdrawals (ate something bad, cold, sore throat, allergies).
I changed package stores often and lied to them when I'd go @ 8 am saying I was having girlfriends over for lunch. Yeah-my five little fingers holding my drinks.
I lied to my mother saying I was seeing a therapist for my drinking.
Lied every time I went upstairs to have a hidden sip saying I needed to check lights, pull down shades, check temperature, get laundry etc.
There should be another warning on alcohol-May cause habitual dishonesty and schemings.
Welcome and best of luck on your sober journey!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2018
Location: Loveland, Colorado
Posts: 22
BreezyFe, I totally did all those things!! However, luckily for me, my husband has my number and if I try to slip away, he calls me on it, constantly saying "where are you going?" Even though he isn't sure if I am drinking again he will say I am acting like I used to. I am now 3 days away from my last drink and I am happy I stopped my slip up before it got too far. I am determined that three days ago was my last slip up!!
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