Shame
Life is good
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Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Shame
"Shame is different from guilt. It is not rooted in action. According to Psychology Today, when a person feels shame they feel they are somehow wrong, defective, inadequate, not good enough, or not strong enough.
Guilt is the belief that one has done something wrong or bad. Shame is the belief that one is wrong or bad."
Shame is the most disturbing experience individuals ever have about themselves; no other emotion feels more deeply disturbing because in the moment of shame the self feels wounded from within. ~ Gershen Kaufman
"Here are seven ways to release the shame that is holding you back.
1. Focus on the Present. Start by accepting where you are now in life. Take a look at the areas of your life that are not working. Rather than avoid your feelings of pain, focus your thoughts and notice what you are feeling.
It’s easier to move forward and become “unstuck” when you are ready to face what has been holding you back. Shame dissolves when it is brought out into the light. Do not allow the negative cycle to continue in secrecy.
Release your shame in a way that feels safe, so that you can move forward.
2. Forgive yourself, as everyone make mistakes. You may feel like you have made mistakes that have harmed yourself or others. Forgive yourself. You can make amends for any harm you have done and you can make changes for the future.
Remind yourself that your mistakes do not make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes. It is an opportunity for learning and growth.
Open Up and Trust. Sharing your secrets of addiction may be a short-term solution, but you make progress toward healing when you break out of your isolation. Taking a risk and trusting others will bring you closer to finding the peace and serenity that you want.
Surround yourself with people who are supportive and don’t take it personally if someone’s reaction is not what you had hoped for. Realize that you are not alone and that sharing is the key to healing shame.
4. Think of Your Mistakes as a Lesson Learned. As I look back on when I felt shame, I can realize that even my most embarrassing moments have taught me a lesson in life and led me in a more positive direction.
Learn from each past mistake and let it guide you in the future. Remember that those who made many mistakes were those that learned the most.
5. Love yourself. Be bold and let go of being uncomfortable with yourself. Allow yourself to open up to all the possibilities in life. Allow love of yourself and love of others to enter your being.
Trust your inner wisdom will guide you as you move forward in life. You will go to a better place when you love yourself.
6. Get an Objective Opinion. Take steps to get over your feelings of shame. If you feel that getting the support of someone who can help you get unstuck and move forward is what you need, hire a coach.
If you feel that you have deep emotional issues around shame, hire a therapist. Either way, take the time to let go of your feelings of shame so that you can enjoy your life in a better way.
7. Replace feelings of shame with kindness. When your feelings of shame surface, replace them with kindness, empathy and acceptance for yourself. Acknowledge the negative feelings, but remind yourself that you can get through this.
This new perspective will help you to heal. The positive shift in your thinking will move you forward so that you feel better as a person, and as a parent."
- Cathy Taughinbaugh
Guilt is the belief that one has done something wrong or bad. Shame is the belief that one is wrong or bad."
Shame is the most disturbing experience individuals ever have about themselves; no other emotion feels more deeply disturbing because in the moment of shame the self feels wounded from within. ~ Gershen Kaufman
"Here are seven ways to release the shame that is holding you back.
1. Focus on the Present. Start by accepting where you are now in life. Take a look at the areas of your life that are not working. Rather than avoid your feelings of pain, focus your thoughts and notice what you are feeling.
It’s easier to move forward and become “unstuck” when you are ready to face what has been holding you back. Shame dissolves when it is brought out into the light. Do not allow the negative cycle to continue in secrecy.
Release your shame in a way that feels safe, so that you can move forward.
2. Forgive yourself, as everyone make mistakes. You may feel like you have made mistakes that have harmed yourself or others. Forgive yourself. You can make amends for any harm you have done and you can make changes for the future.
Remind yourself that your mistakes do not make you a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes. It is an opportunity for learning and growth.
Open Up and Trust. Sharing your secrets of addiction may be a short-term solution, but you make progress toward healing when you break out of your isolation. Taking a risk and trusting others will bring you closer to finding the peace and serenity that you want.
Surround yourself with people who are supportive and don’t take it personally if someone’s reaction is not what you had hoped for. Realize that you are not alone and that sharing is the key to healing shame.
4. Think of Your Mistakes as a Lesson Learned. As I look back on when I felt shame, I can realize that even my most embarrassing moments have taught me a lesson in life and led me in a more positive direction.
Learn from each past mistake and let it guide you in the future. Remember that those who made many mistakes were those that learned the most.
5. Love yourself. Be bold and let go of being uncomfortable with yourself. Allow yourself to open up to all the possibilities in life. Allow love of yourself and love of others to enter your being.
Trust your inner wisdom will guide you as you move forward in life. You will go to a better place when you love yourself.
6. Get an Objective Opinion. Take steps to get over your feelings of shame. If you feel that getting the support of someone who can help you get unstuck and move forward is what you need, hire a coach.
If you feel that you have deep emotional issues around shame, hire a therapist. Either way, take the time to let go of your feelings of shame so that you can enjoy your life in a better way.
7. Replace feelings of shame with kindness. When your feelings of shame surface, replace them with kindness, empathy and acceptance for yourself. Acknowledge the negative feelings, but remind yourself that you can get through this.
This new perspective will help you to heal. The positive shift in your thinking will move you forward so that you feel better as a person, and as a parent."
- Cathy Taughinbaugh
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
It’s easier to move forward and become “unstuck” when you are ready to face what has been holding you back. Shame dissolves when it is brought out into the light. Do not allow the negative cycle to continue in secrecy.
I'm working at letting go of this shame and moving forward. Working on forgiving myself for loving people who continually hurt me.
"10 Ways To Forgive Yourself & Let Go Of The Past
Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now.
Realize that the past is the past.
Create a 're-do.' Write down how you would re-do the past if you could, with the skills you now have.
Realize you did the best you could at the time.
Start acting in accordance with your morals and values.
Identify your biggest regrets.
Tackle the big ones.
Turn the page.
Cut yourself some slack.
Move towards self-love."
- Megan Hale
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
When thinking of a re-do moment of when my mother was verbally abusive in a public place when I was 8 years old, I would use the skills I now have to leave the building without acknowledging her and go spend some time in nature. In this, I'm finding a new kindness for myself plus a realization of all the healing time I spent outside as a child, with animals and using my imagination.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
Originally Posted by Mango212 
When thinking of a re-do moment of when my mother was verbally abusive in a public place when I was 8 years old, I would use the skills I now have to leave to building without acknowledging her and go spend some time in nature. In this, I'm finding a new kindness for myself plus a realization of all the healing time I spent outside as a child, with animals and using my imagination.
I hope you do find kindness for yourself. I see no shame in putting up with or loving people who have abused you. You were (i'm supposing) trying to do the right thing. If you feel you just didn't get it right, that's not shameful, that's being human.
These are not sprints, these are journeys, you correct as you go along, as they say, when you know better you do better.
It seems like a double whammy to be abused and then reprimand yourself for that.
Please be kind to yourself.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
When you say re-do, is this some kind of re-framing of the situation that happened that empowers you?
Yes.
Thank you. On so many levels I "get" that. Kindness to myself, yada, yada.
It seems in the deeper layers of the psyche there are simply some disconnects between the surface knowing and some deeper pains yet to be acknowledged. Healing, one day at a time.
It seems like a double whammy to be abused and then reprimand yourself for that.
Exactly! I wasn't aware that I've still been doing this. It seems strange to say that, but there it is yet again. Awareness keeps leading to more healing.
Hot yoga brought a lot of this out last winter. Last week I had some deep muscle releases done in physical therapy. I was warned it could bring up some unexpected emotions/traumas being released by whatever kind of muscle/emotional/memory connections. I don't quite understand it, but I've experienced this quite a few times now.
On the bright side, all this is getting much easier and the processing of these things as they're coming into my awareness is becoming quicker and smoother.
Yes.
Thank you. On so many levels I "get" that. Kindness to myself, yada, yada.
It seems in the deeper layers of the psyche there are simply some disconnects between the surface knowing and some deeper pains yet to be acknowledged. Healing, one day at a time.
It seems like a double whammy to be abused and then reprimand yourself for that.
Exactly! I wasn't aware that I've still been doing this. It seems strange to say that, but there it is yet again. Awareness keeps leading to more healing.
Hot yoga brought a lot of this out last winter. Last week I had some deep muscle releases done in physical therapy. I was warned it could bring up some unexpected emotions/traumas being released by whatever kind of muscle/emotional/memory connections. I don't quite understand it, but I've experienced this quite a few times now.
On the bright side, all this is getting much easier and the processing of these things as they're coming into my awareness is becoming quicker and smoother.
Life is good
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Create a 're-do.' Write down how you would re-do the past if you could, with the skills you now have.
Scenario: the first time I was bullied at my current job.
With the skills and knowledge I have today, I would re-write the past by seeing things much more clearly, taking new, healthy actions, not taking blame and abuse. This incident was blatant, irrational abuse.
Scenario: the first time I was bullied at my current job.
With the skills and knowledge I have today, I would re-write the past by seeing things much more clearly, taking new, healthy actions, not taking blame and abuse. This incident was blatant, irrational abuse.
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Join Date: Mar 2018
Location: California
Posts: 467
Originally Posted by Mango212
I'm ashamed of the toxic family I have been a part of as a child and as an adult. I'm ashamed of having been abused.
I'm working at letting go of this shame and moving forward. Working on forgiving myself for loving people who continually hurt me.
"10 Ways To Forgive Yourself & Let Go Of The Past
Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now.
Realize that the past is the past.
Create a 're-do.' Write down how you would re-do the past if you could, with the skills you now have.
Realize you did the best you could at the time.
Start acting in accordance with your morals and values.
Identify your biggest regrets.
Tackle the big ones.
Turn the page.
Cut yourself some slack.
Move towards self-love."
- Megan Hale
I'm working at letting go of this shame and moving forward. Working on forgiving myself for loving people who continually hurt me.
"10 Ways To Forgive Yourself & Let Go Of The Past
Become clear on your morals and values as they are right now.
Realize that the past is the past.
Create a 're-do.' Write down how you would re-do the past if you could, with the skills you now have.
Realize you did the best you could at the time.
Start acting in accordance with your morals and values.
Identify your biggest regrets.
Tackle the big ones.
Turn the page.
Cut yourself some slack.
Move towards self-love."
- Megan Hale
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