He called me from outside jail yesterday
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 45
He called me from outside jail yesterday
We had an agreement, a boundary that he has gotten good at respecting. I also blocked the number to the jail. Where he wasn't supposed to call me because we needed us to be truly and really over.
Well this included an understanding he would call when he got out of jail so I could give him some of his important belongings.
He called yesterday from his parents house and we made plans to meet up after I was done with my friend. When that time came he wasn't home and I was okay, I've spent the last 4 months healing and wasn't getting my hopes up for anything.
However- now I cant stop the little voice in my heart that still cares about him and probably always will from worrying. Worrying that although he had intentions for rehab when he got out that he has found his way back to the streets.
I know we all have our struggles, but I'm asking if you wonderful people can please send positive vibes my way today as I try to reflect and get back to the good headspace i was in before he called.
Well this included an understanding he would call when he got out of jail so I could give him some of his important belongings.
He called yesterday from his parents house and we made plans to meet up after I was done with my friend. When that time came he wasn't home and I was okay, I've spent the last 4 months healing and wasn't getting my hopes up for anything.
However- now I cant stop the little voice in my heart that still cares about him and probably always will from worrying. Worrying that although he had intentions for rehab when he got out that he has found his way back to the streets.
I know we all have our struggles, but I'm asking if you wonderful people can please send positive vibes my way today as I try to reflect and get back to the good headspace i was in before he called.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ahh, yes, the "before he called" calm and the "after he called" storm. It happens a lot and we learn to either end contact completely or let it go to message rather than engage in feeding their own power that they can break us down and fall back into our old ways...as they fall into their old ways. First lie is a good sign that they are about to repeat the cycle.
Perhaps drop his things off at his parents or have someone do it for you. When and if he goes to rehab, he will learn to respect your boundaries and let you live in peace.
I learned that I could not communicate with my son (most times he was high and delusional when he called) and instead I pray each day and turn his care over to God, and then live my life well, as life is intended to be lived.
Hugs
Perhaps drop his things off at his parents or have someone do it for you. When and if he goes to rehab, he will learn to respect your boundaries and let you live in peace.
I learned that I could not communicate with my son (most times he was high and delusional when he called) and instead I pray each day and turn his care over to God, and then live my life well, as life is intended to be lived.
Hugs
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
because we needed us to be truly and really over.
if you are truly done, then box or bag up his stuff and drop it off. DONE. if that stuff was THAT important he'd already have it or have sent someone to collect it. sounds like he found something "more" important to do.........
if you are truly done, then box or bag up his stuff and drop it off. DONE. if that stuff was THAT important he'd already have it or have sent someone to collect it. sounds like he found something "more" important to do.........
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Meg, you're completely in control of how this goes. You didn't have to talk to him; you could have hung up and blocked. Of course you are vulnerable and were taken by surprise, but you know what to do for the future.
Gather up your courage; you have heaps to draw from. Do what needs to be done.
Gather up your courage; you have heaps to draw from. Do what needs to be done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 45
His stuff was in a storage unit while he was in jail.
Spent the afternoon with him yesterday. Got his things and talked with him for hours. Told him about where i was at mentally and where I prayed he would be. I think I did a really good job at expressing to him that I would always love him but that love is not what we are facing right now and that we both needed to move past this and come to peace with our realities because I can never trust him so I needed to press into him that he cant make decisions based on me. He needed to make his decisions based on what he wanted for himself.
It was difficult for me because I have been able to face my emotions without him around for the past 4 months, so seeing him was much more difficult but I think it was necessary for me. I wasnt hiding from my emotions the past 4 months, but I was a bit sheltered with having no face to face contact with him, no social media, etc so i really needed to FEEL all of the emotions that I did yesterday so I can truly heal.
I feel both really sad today and also really at peace. It's a great and confusing feeling but I know I will be okay and I know now that he knows I want him to be good also.
Breakups just really suck and throwing an addiction into the equation makes things more messy. But I'm really good, at the end of the day.
Spent the afternoon with him yesterday. Got his things and talked with him for hours. Told him about where i was at mentally and where I prayed he would be. I think I did a really good job at expressing to him that I would always love him but that love is not what we are facing right now and that we both needed to move past this and come to peace with our realities because I can never trust him so I needed to press into him that he cant make decisions based on me. He needed to make his decisions based on what he wanted for himself.
It was difficult for me because I have been able to face my emotions without him around for the past 4 months, so seeing him was much more difficult but I think it was necessary for me. I wasnt hiding from my emotions the past 4 months, but I was a bit sheltered with having no face to face contact with him, no social media, etc so i really needed to FEEL all of the emotions that I did yesterday so I can truly heal.
I feel both really sad today and also really at peace. It's a great and confusing feeling but I know I will be okay and I know now that he knows I want him to be good also.
Breakups just really suck and throwing an addiction into the equation makes things more messy. But I'm really good, at the end of the day.
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