rehab is over, future uncertain
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 194
rehab is over, future uncertain
Thought I would check in now that AH is finishing intensive outpatient rehab. It actually was cut off by insurance by 3 or 4 sessions, but oh well. I was upset by this yesterday, but since the facility has Aftercare, for him AND family, those lectures/info can be learned there, I hope.
In the family session last night, one of his counselors asked me how I felt now that he's about done with the program. She said "I know 7 weeks ago, you were feeling done with the relationship; I know the realization of the extent of his alcohol abuse was like a baseball bat to the back of your head". I told her he seems better, looks better, and still has his moods. She said it was the withdrawals that will take up to a year to go away. She stressed the medical aspect/how sketchy his health was and still could be. I am nervous about what it will be like 'now that the program is over' and he is back here after work earlier each day.
Sorry this is long. I got my license for my new career and should be making money soon. Resume is almost done. I am thinking of buying a used waverunner I found, ever since I took our child on one two weeks ago (we rented it for an hour). We found the most incredible place to swim that has the bluest water and ledges to lounge on too (summer lasts through October here) . So this waverunner--it would let us hit the water here, and explore the rivers and lakes in my hometown (we used to do that with my father and friends in boats or tubes). Being "on the water" in nature brings me a lot of peace. And being able to take it around to our old haunts back home seems like it would be taking back some of the joys I used to have. Before his job forced us to move here, 2 hours away from my family and friends. I guess the not-so-good part would be having to take the money from my own IRA from all my working career. I don't need AH's approval, I realize. And his program was not cheap, so "our" money is tight. But his beer habit wasn't cheap either, and it's a shame I didn't watch finances (and he sure as heck didn't and doesn't). The counselor said last night "oh, if he claimed it was 10 beers a day, double it". I hadn't heard that before, nor do I believe it's likely--I want to believe him that when he "came clean", it WAS 10 beers a day, to which I figured was 12 or so, but wow...20? Yes, maybe I'm still in denial, but I guess the # count doesn't matter anyway. Back to the waverunner...I feel guilty about considering it & yet given the money wasted on beer monthly I feel justified. It's about $1500 if I buy it. Maybe this urge will pass, I'm not rushing into a purchase. He NEVER wanted to do anything spontaneous or fun the last few years, and I'm done waiting (even without a major purchase, just finding a good swimming place close by is a major victory).
Well, this is where I'm at today. Contemplating a lot. Trying to figure out ways to more joy and peace with the days that lie ahead. Thanks for listening. There is no other place that understands like this one.
In the family session last night, one of his counselors asked me how I felt now that he's about done with the program. She said "I know 7 weeks ago, you were feeling done with the relationship; I know the realization of the extent of his alcohol abuse was like a baseball bat to the back of your head". I told her he seems better, looks better, and still has his moods. She said it was the withdrawals that will take up to a year to go away. She stressed the medical aspect/how sketchy his health was and still could be. I am nervous about what it will be like 'now that the program is over' and he is back here after work earlier each day.
Sorry this is long. I got my license for my new career and should be making money soon. Resume is almost done. I am thinking of buying a used waverunner I found, ever since I took our child on one two weeks ago (we rented it for an hour). We found the most incredible place to swim that has the bluest water and ledges to lounge on too (summer lasts through October here) . So this waverunner--it would let us hit the water here, and explore the rivers and lakes in my hometown (we used to do that with my father and friends in boats or tubes). Being "on the water" in nature brings me a lot of peace. And being able to take it around to our old haunts back home seems like it would be taking back some of the joys I used to have. Before his job forced us to move here, 2 hours away from my family and friends. I guess the not-so-good part would be having to take the money from my own IRA from all my working career. I don't need AH's approval, I realize. And his program was not cheap, so "our" money is tight. But his beer habit wasn't cheap either, and it's a shame I didn't watch finances (and he sure as heck didn't and doesn't). The counselor said last night "oh, if he claimed it was 10 beers a day, double it". I hadn't heard that before, nor do I believe it's likely--I want to believe him that when he "came clean", it WAS 10 beers a day, to which I figured was 12 or so, but wow...20? Yes, maybe I'm still in denial, but I guess the # count doesn't matter anyway. Back to the waverunner...I feel guilty about considering it & yet given the money wasted on beer monthly I feel justified. It's about $1500 if I buy it. Maybe this urge will pass, I'm not rushing into a purchase. He NEVER wanted to do anything spontaneous or fun the last few years, and I'm done waiting (even without a major purchase, just finding a good swimming place close by is a major victory).
Well, this is where I'm at today. Contemplating a lot. Trying to figure out ways to more joy and peace with the days that lie ahead. Thanks for listening. There is no other place that understands like this one.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
About the waverunner, I would suggest to pray, meditate and go with your gut. Listen to your deepest instincts. Learning to do this in all areas of life strengthens that instinct. 
There's no wrong answer, simply different possibilities. Enjoy them every chance you get! I thought I was going to buy kayaks for kid and I, yet instead we've had opportunities to kayak in many different areas in unexpected times. Lots of adventures without the physical buying/caring for the kayaks.
Wherever your instincts lead you, enjoy it!!
There's no wrong answer, simply different possibilities. Enjoy them every chance you get! I thought I was going to buy kayaks for kid and I, yet instead we've had opportunities to kayak in many different areas in unexpected times. Lots of adventures without the physical buying/caring for the kayaks.
Wherever your instincts lead you, enjoy it!!
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
I feel guilty about considering it & yet given the money wasted on beer monthly I feel justified. It's about $1500 if I buy it.
I wouldn't buy the Waverunner with any justification other than you really want it, can afford it, and it will bring you joy!
(we used to do that with my father and friends in boats or tubes
A really fine double kayak is only abut $350.00....just a thought, good exercise, quiet, no pollution, and gets you and a kid or friend out exploring those waterways...plus cost of a rack for your car is way less than a waverunner trailer...
He NEVER wanted to do anything spontaneous or fun the last few years, and I'm done waiting
This was a huge factor in my divorce (and my exH was not even an A!) I realized how much I had been holding back on FUN, and being active, because he never wanted to do anything physically strenuous or adventurous. And I kept waiting...somehow thinking it would change.
Of course as I've matured I realize I could have/should have been always doing my own joy-bringing things whether he wanted to or not...but it was a huge disappointment for me that he didn't want to do things together... I was much happier post-divorce alone doing my own thing, and much happier with my partner of almost 2 decades now, we share lots of adventures and we both bring ideas and plans to the table.
Peace,
B.
I wouldn't buy the Waverunner with any justification other than you really want it, can afford it, and it will bring you joy!
(we used to do that with my father and friends in boats or tubes
A really fine double kayak is only abut $350.00....just a thought, good exercise, quiet, no pollution, and gets you and a kid or friend out exploring those waterways...plus cost of a rack for your car is way less than a waverunner trailer...
He NEVER wanted to do anything spontaneous or fun the last few years, and I'm done waiting
This was a huge factor in my divorce (and my exH was not even an A!) I realized how much I had been holding back on FUN, and being active, because he never wanted to do anything physically strenuous or adventurous. And I kept waiting...somehow thinking it would change.
Of course as I've matured I realize I could have/should have been always doing my own joy-bringing things whether he wanted to or not...but it was a huge disappointment for me that he didn't want to do things together... I was much happier post-divorce alone doing my own thing, and much happier with my partner of almost 2 decades now, we share lots of adventures and we both bring ideas and plans to the table.
Peace,
B.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
I think praying and meditating about buying the waverunner is a very good idea. I’d be cautious about taking money out of an IRA right now, you never know when an emergency might happen where it really could come in handy. I’d also want to sit and ponder the thought of whether or not I was retaliating/getting even with him because of how he spent money in the past on beer. How about you still go on those adventures with renting one for now.
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
Sorry, hit submit to soon.
There is always fear and uncertainty when a loved comes to the end of a certain program they have been working. It’s natural for us to want that “quick fix” to take the focus off our own fears. But often those quick fixes and hasty decisions are just that, temporarily. and leave us with addressing the full aftermath of it.
There is always fear and uncertainty when a loved comes to the end of a certain program they have been working. It’s natural for us to want that “quick fix” to take the focus off our own fears. But often those quick fixes and hasty decisions are just that, temporarily. and leave us with addressing the full aftermath of it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 194
Thank you Mango, Bernadette, & Atalose...you all have very good points. The noise and pollution (in addition to cost) are def. important factors. Think I'm going to hold off and pray about things. I guess deep inside I know I am also trying to get that "quick fix", and to find a way to not "be around" as much when he is home, because it is so awkward at times. Granted, he may be going to AA quite a bit. And I have my own reading/meetings to attend. One thing I found is an inflatable boat with good reviews. And forgot there's a place to rent a canoe not too far away! Nature for the win!
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
The more I meditate and ask God/Universe/Great Spirit to direct my thoughts, the more things simply fall into place. The other half of this is acknowledging when it happens and the simple words straight from my heart, "Thank you!".
There are so many things in life that are far beyond my comprehension. When I allow enjoyment of them, good things keep happening. Love how this works!!
The instinct of having fun is wonderful, healthy and healing. Being willing to buy a waverunner opens up more opportunities, whether you buy it or not. The "being willing" to embrace life and enjoy new adventures is huge!
#lifeisgood #lawofattraction #thankyougod
There are so many things in life that are far beyond my comprehension. When I allow enjoyment of them, good things keep happening. Love how this works!!
The instinct of having fun is wonderful, healthy and healing. Being willing to buy a waverunner opens up more opportunities, whether you buy it or not. The "being willing" to embrace life and enjoy new adventures is huge!
#lifeisgood #lawofattraction #thankyougod
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Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: North Yorkshire UK
Posts: 765
Originally Posted by Mango212 
The more I meditate and ask God/Universe/Great Spirit to direct my thoughts, the more things simply fall into place. The other half of this is acknowledging when it happens and the simple words straight from my heart, "Thank you!".
There are so many things in life that are far beyond my comprehension. When I allow enjoyment of them, good things keep happening. Love how this works!!
The instinct of having fun is wonderful, healthy and healing. Being willing to buy a waverunner opens up more opportunities, whether you buy it or not. The "being willing" to embrace life and enjoy new adventures is huge!
#lifeisgood #lawofattraction #thankyougod
There are so many things in life that are far beyond my comprehension. When I allow enjoyment of them, good things keep happening. Love how this works!!
The instinct of having fun is wonderful, healthy and healing. Being willing to buy a waverunner opens up more opportunities, whether you buy it or not. The "being willing" to embrace life and enjoy new adventures is huge!
#lifeisgood #lawofattraction #thankyougod
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
If you can afford the waverunner comfortably then buy it. You only live once!
As far as 10 beers being doubled to 20... I can tell you this... For the month of June 2018, I watched AH's acct and he was buying a case of beer and pint of vodka a day. You read that right. A day.
As far as 10 beers being doubled to 20... I can tell you this... For the month of June 2018, I watched AH's acct and he was buying a case of beer and pint of vodka a day. You read that right. A day.
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Hello Clarity,
I think you are on the right path to find time and ways to do what makes you happy.
I have been raised to never ever ever take $ out of retirement account. If you don’t have mad money in some accesssible account, save the $1500 first.
I think you are on the right path to find time and ways to do what makes you happy.
I have been raised to never ever ever take $ out of retirement account. If you don’t have mad money in some accesssible account, save the $1500 first.
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
C,
Sounds like your mind is spinning. Step back and don't make any rash decisions. You can rent now and see if this is something you want for your future.
Do you have a plan? Are you going to meetings to support you? Once again your husband is going to be gone a lot, because of aa meetings. What is your plan if he picks up again? Lots of crazy things are going to transpire in the next couple of month. (((((((hugs))))))))))
Sounds like your mind is spinning. Step back and don't make any rash decisions. You can rent now and see if this is something you want for your future.
Do you have a plan? Are you going to meetings to support you? Once again your husband is going to be gone a lot, because of aa meetings. What is your plan if he picks up again? Lots of crazy things are going to transpire in the next couple of month. (((((((hugs))))))))))
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