Utter turmoil.
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Utter turmoil.
3 years I’ve ridden the rollercoaster.
We are in the process of splitting now. His kids are suffering with behavioural problems including school exclusions and we had a holiday booked this week with mine and his.
Due to his 11 year olds violent behaviour, and I mean seriously violent language and physical behaviour and the fact that we are a hairs breadth from splitting but have to get through this holiday I refused to allow his kids to come because I am not prepared to be responsible for them. I said he can bring his....and me and mine won’t come or we can take mine. Not an ideal solution for me but it cost £2k and I wasn’t prepared to just lose that money and waste a week off work.
(Bearing in mind he is under the hospital consultant because his liver isn’t performing properly and he’s awaiting a Scan...)
He has behaved badly since we arrived. Barring about 2 hours. Getting drunk all day every day. We have driven here in two cars because I won’t get in the car with him due to his alcohol levels and now after he has drunk 24 cans, wine, cider and god knows what else i don’t know about in less than 3 days ( inc sleep time) we have had a row and he has gone home. Telling me it’s my fault because I haven’t let his violent kids come. The kids he hasn’t bothered properly with for years.
So now I’m 5 hours from home, other end of the country alone with my kids
Life with an alcoholic is utterly traumatic.
Fortunately he has arranged somewhere to live. Time to get off this rollercoaster. Just needed to talk.
We are in the process of splitting now. His kids are suffering with behavioural problems including school exclusions and we had a holiday booked this week with mine and his.
Due to his 11 year olds violent behaviour, and I mean seriously violent language and physical behaviour and the fact that we are a hairs breadth from splitting but have to get through this holiday I refused to allow his kids to come because I am not prepared to be responsible for them. I said he can bring his....and me and mine won’t come or we can take mine. Not an ideal solution for me but it cost £2k and I wasn’t prepared to just lose that money and waste a week off work.
(Bearing in mind he is under the hospital consultant because his liver isn’t performing properly and he’s awaiting a Scan...)
He has behaved badly since we arrived. Barring about 2 hours. Getting drunk all day every day. We have driven here in two cars because I won’t get in the car with him due to his alcohol levels and now after he has drunk 24 cans, wine, cider and god knows what else i don’t know about in less than 3 days ( inc sleep time) we have had a row and he has gone home. Telling me it’s my fault because I haven’t let his violent kids come. The kids he hasn’t bothered properly with for years.
So now I’m 5 hours from home, other end of the country alone with my kids
Life with an alcoholic is utterly traumatic.
Fortunately he has arranged somewhere to live. Time to get off this rollercoaster. Just needed to talk.
Last edited by Onefortheditch; 07-24-2018 at 12:37 PM. Reason: Spelling
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Yes, that is traumatic and I think you made the right decision to exclude the other children.
I so hope that you can take some time to relax now he has left.
Do you have plans to speak to child protective services about his children in the future?
I so hope that you can take some time to relax now he has left.
Do you have plans to speak to child protective services about his children in the future?
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
Yes, that is traumatic and I think you made the right decision to exclude the other children.
I so hope that you can take some time to relax now he has left.
Do you have plans to speak to child protective services about his children in the future?
I so hope that you can take some time to relax now he has left.
Do you have plans to speak to child protective services about his children in the future?
Thank you.
We have had the 11 year old living with us after his last exclusion but I had to ask him to go home because his behaviour was having an effect on mine. He flipped out as a result of this and I had to explain what happened to the safeguarding officers at school. They are involving social services I believe.
The 11 year old is literally a mirror image of his dad...following in his footsteps and his dads also who died at 48.
I honestly think my kids have seen too much themselves. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel so I am hoping i can repair it all now.
I have some questions to ask myself as to why I have put up with so much for so long.
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Sorry you are going through this. Try to be glad he took his chaos and left. Silver lining.
I've been in a similar situation. Once when my kids were 13 and (almost) 9 we flew to a family vacation destination. The area we were staying in had no hard alcohol sales anywhere near our hotel. He could have gotten beer or wine but he didn't want that. Instead, he got on a bus in an major city ,he had never been in ( Not even in our own country), and traveled over an hour into an area they did not speak English, bought a 60oz bottle of liquor which he returned with to our hotel. I had no idea where he was, if he was OK, or lost, or mugged.... I was quite lathered into a panic after his 3 hour absence. This was before everyone had a cell phone in their pocket. It was awful.
So.. again, I understand what it's like being with a man who desires to drink so badly, he will go to any ends to do that, no matter the danger to himself or his family.
Hang in there... *hug*
I've been in a similar situation. Once when my kids were 13 and (almost) 9 we flew to a family vacation destination. The area we were staying in had no hard alcohol sales anywhere near our hotel. He could have gotten beer or wine but he didn't want that. Instead, he got on a bus in an major city ,he had never been in ( Not even in our own country), and traveled over an hour into an area they did not speak English, bought a 60oz bottle of liquor which he returned with to our hotel. I had no idea where he was, if he was OK, or lost, or mugged.... I was quite lathered into a panic after his 3 hour absence. This was before everyone had a cell phone in their pocket. It was awful.
So.. again, I understand what it's like being with a man who desires to drink so badly, he will go to any ends to do that, no matter the danger to himself or his family.
Hang in there... *hug*
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
Sorry you are going through this. Try to be glad he took his chaos and left. Silver lining.
I've been in a similar situation. Once when my kids were 13 and (almost) 9 we flew to a family vacation destination. The area we were staying in had no hard alcohol sales anywhere near our hotel. He could have gotten beer or wine but he didn't want that. Instead, he got on a bus in an major city ,he had never been in ( Not even in our own country), and traveled over an hour into an area they did not speak English, bought a 60oz bottle of liquor which he returned with to our hotel. I had no idea where he was, if he was OK, or lost, or mugged.... I was quite lathered into a panic after his 3 hour absence. This was before everyone had a cell phone in their pocket. It was awful.
So.. again, I understand what it's like being with a man who desires to drink so badly, he will go to any ends to do that, no matter the danger to himself or his family.
Hang in there... *hug*
I've been in a similar situation. Once when my kids were 13 and (almost) 9 we flew to a family vacation destination. The area we were staying in had no hard alcohol sales anywhere near our hotel. He could have gotten beer or wine but he didn't want that. Instead, he got on a bus in an major city ,he had never been in ( Not even in our own country), and traveled over an hour into an area they did not speak English, bought a 60oz bottle of liquor which he returned with to our hotel. I had no idea where he was, if he was OK, or lost, or mugged.... I was quite lathered into a panic after his 3 hour absence. This was before everyone had a cell phone in their pocket. It was awful.
So.. again, I understand what it's like being with a man who desires to drink so badly, he will go to any ends to do that, no matter the danger to himself or his family.
Hang in there... *hug*
I just need to talk.
I have had him blaming me for three days for his kids not coming.
Not his drinking. Not his bad parenting. Not his kids behaviour that led to this decision. It’s my fault apparently for putting my kids first.
I get that booze trip totally. Last night he went fishing. Drive home with some cans last night and no fish.
Ever since I stopped trying to control it and seeing him for what he is it has been deteriorating FAST. I don’t like what I see.
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You absolutely did the right thing. You are protecting your children and yourself. If you don't, who will? Certainly not him.
Your instincts are spot on. When thinking of his blaming you for 3 days, just remember the source and the totally self-centered place it is coming from and the complete and total disregard for you and your children.
Your instincts are spot on. When thinking of his blaming you for 3 days, just remember the source and the totally self-centered place it is coming from and the complete and total disregard for you and your children.
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It's so exhausting being involved with a drunk. The constant deflection of responsibility and an inability to behave like an adult, leaving others to deal with the messes they cast in their wake. It's bloody awful.
I am glad you are here, venting to us about your frustrations. Talk to us as much as you need to! It sounds like your eyes are opening wide to the reality of life with an alcoholic. It's heartbreaking, but you can't un-realize it after it becomes apparent... so much so, that in my case, I un-married his drunk butt.
I am glad you are here, venting to us about your frustrations. Talk to us as much as you need to! It sounds like your eyes are opening wide to the reality of life with an alcoholic. It's heartbreaking, but you can't un-realize it after it becomes apparent... so much so, that in my case, I un-married his drunk butt.
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Originally Posted by SmallButMighty
I un-married his drunk butt.
Did you find splitting with him was different from a normal split.
With mine the relationship has deteriorated so much that there’s nothing left. I’ve no love, no respect, I don’t even like him. There’s just habit and that faint flicker he might just change this time. That flicker has finally gone out.
In other relationships I’ve walked away much earlier.
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I don't have a basis to answer your question. We had been together since we were 16, my only other relationships before that were teenage dramas. We married young, and then started our family the following year... it was good for 10years, then OK for 10years, but the last six were a pure spiraling hell into his alcoholism and my codependence.
Sorry I don't have more of an answer for you. I think break ups must always suck, no matter what... but it is for the best when two people are no longer compatible.
Sorry I don't have more of an answer for you. I think break ups must always suck, no matter what... but it is for the best when two people are no longer compatible.
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@onefortheditch Yes they are totally self centered and there is no accountability on their end. It would rain and it would be my fault. Every argument or disagreement was my fault. If he couldn't find something and asked me if I knew where it was and I didn't know he would still blame me for moving it or putting it somewhere else and demand I find it since I was the one who put it somewhere. Even our divorce, of course, my fault working out the details of the divorce if it is not in his favor, my fault. Gets old!
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Originally Posted by Onefortheditch
LOVE this.
Did you find splitting with him was different from a normal split.
With mine the relationship has deteriorated so much that there’s nothing left. I’ve no love, no respect, I don’t even like him. There’s just habit and that faint flicker he might just change this time. That flicker has finally gone out.
In other relationships I’ve walked away much earlier.
Did you find splitting with him was different from a normal split.
With mine the relationship has deteriorated so much that there’s nothing left. I’ve no love, no respect, I don’t even like him. There’s just habit and that faint flicker he might just change this time. That flicker has finally gone out.
In other relationships I’ve walked away much earlier.
LOL Did ya get all that? There was way more in between but after 8 long years, 7 married, I watched him snuff his own light out. I'm done.
And on a side note... he has been the most dramatic man I've ever dealt with during a break up. He's been absolutely horrible and guess what?! He's still drinking... what a shocker! He has told me he'll quit the day I walk back into his house. That will never happen. I deserve better.
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
I can tell you that from my experience, my spilt from AH has been way worse (not on my part but his) than any other split. He's the one n only alcoholic I've ever dealt with. He went from GET OUT, YOU HAVE 2 HOURS TO GET OUT, DONT COME BACK!!! To the last 8 weeks of, I'm so sorry, you're making the biggest mistake of your life, you promised me you'd be my wife.
LOL Did ya get all that? There was way more in between but after 8 long years, 7 married, I watched him snuff his own light out. I'm done.
And on a side note... he has been the most dramatic man I've ever dealt with during a break up. He's been absolutely horrible and guess what?! He's still drinking... what a shocker! He has told me he'll quit the day I walk back into his house. That will never happen. I deserve better.
LOL Did ya get all that? There was way more in between but after 8 long years, 7 married, I watched him snuff his own light out. I'm done.
And on a side note... he has been the most dramatic man I've ever dealt with during a break up. He's been absolutely horrible and guess what?! He's still drinking... what a shocker! He has told me he'll quit the day I walk back into his house. That will never happen. I deserve better.
Last night I was evil, a nasty evil woman, I had “denied his children” (what?!) and he was going home and moving out and then he was staying in a bed and breakfast instead and then he had had enough and I had refused to let his kids come just to spite them. Running his nasty mouth off non stop about what a bad person I am.
This morning, sober (well as sober as he can be) and living in someone else’s caravan (my house, my door and it’s locked until I get home) his wheels of bravery have fallen off and he wants to talk.
Err no.
He’s mental. The situation is mental. The relationship is toxic. And it’s over.
Last edited by Onefortheditch; 07-25-2018 at 02:49 AM. Reason: Grammar
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Originally Posted by Onefortheditch
I completely understand.
Last night I was evil, a nasty evil woman, I had “denied his children” (what?!) and he was going home and moving out and then he was staying in a bed and breakfast instead and then he had had enough and I had refused to let his kids come just to spite them. Running his nasty mouth off non stop about what a bad person I am.
This morning, sober (well as sober as he can be) and living in someone else’s caravan (my house, my door and it’s locked until I get home) his wheels of bravery have fallen off and he wants to talk.
Err no.
He’s mental. The situation is mental. The relationship is toxic. And it’s over.
Last night I was evil, a nasty evil woman, I had “denied his children” (what?!) and he was going home and moving out and then he was staying in a bed and breakfast instead and then he had had enough and I had refused to let his kids come just to spite them. Running his nasty mouth off non stop about what a bad person I am.
This morning, sober (well as sober as he can be) and living in someone else’s caravan (my house, my door and it’s locked until I get home) his wheels of bravery have fallen off and he wants to talk.
Err no.
He’s mental. The situation is mental. The relationship is toxic. And it’s over.
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Originally Posted by BoxinRotz
Mine has been wanting the same talk. The I'm sorries. The I love yous. The I'm never going to hurt you again speals. I will say this... I know he'll never hurt me again. Because I won't let him. And you shouldn't either.
Don’t forget the “I’m going to stop drinking....im cutting down...im on my tablets and I’m eating well now (after I dropped half a stone in a week and was referred to the hospital urgently and I spent the weekend panicking I had cancer yet really I’m just a p*sshead), I’m getting my life back, i don’t need rehab *insert more made up statements here designed to appeal to our inbuilt hope that one day, someday, we will have a normal life*
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LOL boy do I get this. I have been divorced for 4 years now, and my XAH blames me for things that happen in his life NOW. Most of the time I cannot even make heads or tails out of what he is babbling about. I just ignore it. I have let him know if he needs to blame me for everything wrong in his life to get through the day to go right ahead, I could not care less!
Originally Posted by Michsm
@onefortheditch Yes they are totally self centered and there is no accountability on their end. It would rain and it would be my fault. Every argument or disagreement was my fault. If he couldn't find something and asked me if I knew where it was and I didn't know he would still blame me for moving it or putting it somewhere else and demand I find it since I was the one who put it somewhere. Even our divorce, of course, my fault working out the details of the divorce if it is not in his favor, my fault. Gets old!
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Originally Posted by hopeful4
I have been divorced for 4 years now, and my XAH blames me for things that happen in his life NOW.
We've been apart for years now, I am remarried, living 3k miles away in a different country, but his financial problems are apparently still MY fault. Of course, that makes total sense
.... the lunacy just doesn't stop
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