I wanted him to fight for me, us...
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Somewhere under the rainbow
Posts: 48
I wanted him to fight for me, us...
AH just got out of rehab. While in rehab I discovered more lies and infidelity. I confronted the other girl ( who is half his age and the age of our daughter) she told me everything! I confronted him and he says “what do you want?!” Like he wanted out or something. We haven’t spoke much since then which was two weeks ago. He’s out of rehab and doing things with his new buddy he met in rehab. I wanted him to fight for me, for us! I wanted him to make it right again. I guess action really do speak the truth! I’m so heartbroken, so sad.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
.....a few years back you described him as:
my AH (who is a pathological lying, stealing, manipulating, addict)
notice how many other issues are lined up before we get to addict.
his personality is pathological. and very very hard to alter much less change. you joined in 2009, that is a long long time to deal with such a negative defective person. exhausting.
my AH (who is a pathological lying, stealing, manipulating, addict)
notice how many other issues are lined up before we get to addict.
his personality is pathological. and very very hard to alter much less change. you joined in 2009, that is a long long time to deal with such a negative defective person. exhausting.
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Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
Originally Posted by LT55 
Yes, but it’s so hard to let go of hope
Hope is an emotion based on a potential outcome in the future, for me. In many cases the "potential" never comes, and heartbreak is left in its wake.
I prefer to have faith, faith that a loving God has plans for my AD just as he has had/haves for me.
I prefer to not have a front row seat to her addictions. She did live with me for a few years, but when I bought my house last year, I told her I was done. She could no longer live with me.
I sleep well knowing I have placed her in God's loving hands.
Hugs of support to you!
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 5,103
It stinks when you know that you need to let go, but you can’t, because your still waiting for the impossible to happen.
As we say around here: it's always good to have hope but hope is not a plan.
It seems that you've been locked in this "hope" stage for a very long time. You and only you have the key to unlock that door and set yourself free.
As we say around here: it's always good to have hope but hope is not a plan.
It seems that you've been locked in this "hope" stage for a very long time. You and only you have the key to unlock that door and set yourself free.
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Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Yes, but it’s so hard to let go of hope
Yes. Yes, it is. it's one of the most painful realities in human relationships. Letting go of what we thought was real is one of the hardest things we have to do. But you're not alone. Others have gone before you and others will follow after. Hugs.
Yes. Yes, it is. it's one of the most painful realities in human relationships. Letting go of what we thought was real is one of the hardest things we have to do. But you're not alone. Others have gone before you and others will follow after. Hugs.
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Minneapolis, MN
Posts: 471
I hope this answer is not too harsh, but I am offering it because I found this in myself and realizing it helped me get free...
Sometimes hope that our addict will get a clue and be the person we think they can be is a disguise for our own unwillingness to fully grow up and live our own life.
Adulthood is knowing who you are, telling your own truth authentically, finding your own vocation in life and living it and setting boundaries so you know what is real and what is not.
"Hope" is often a disguise for wishful thinking that keeps us stuck in dependency on someone who can never give us what we want or need. In the meantime, life passes one by.
Instead of hope that the addict will recover and I will finally have my fantasy relationship with them, I have tried to replace it with my own healthy boundaries (It has taken me 10 years so I know its hard), my own life work, my own contribution to the world and my own self-care. Oddly, I am a more productive and generous person because of it.
An addict can keep you focused on all the wrong things for a lifetime if you let them. That kind of hope in my book is not "holy" hope, it is misguided false hope.
We can never go wrong with a review of the 12 steps and a prayer for our HP to show us where we are stuck.
Prayers you find you way into a fun, joyful, peaceful life that everyone deserves. It is up to your addict to do the same.
Sometimes hope that our addict will get a clue and be the person we think they can be is a disguise for our own unwillingness to fully grow up and live our own life.
Adulthood is knowing who you are, telling your own truth authentically, finding your own vocation in life and living it and setting boundaries so you know what is real and what is not.
"Hope" is often a disguise for wishful thinking that keeps us stuck in dependency on someone who can never give us what we want or need. In the meantime, life passes one by.
Instead of hope that the addict will recover and I will finally have my fantasy relationship with them, I have tried to replace it with my own healthy boundaries (It has taken me 10 years so I know its hard), my own life work, my own contribution to the world and my own self-care. Oddly, I am a more productive and generous person because of it.
An addict can keep you focused on all the wrong things for a lifetime if you let them. That kind of hope in my book is not "holy" hope, it is misguided false hope.
We can never go wrong with a review of the 12 steps and a prayer for our HP to show us where we are stuck.
Prayers you find you way into a fun, joyful, peaceful life that everyone deserves. It is up to your addict to do the same.
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