Here goes nothing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 4
Here goes nothing.
I've been struggling with addiction for several years. For 4 awful years I was addicted to benzos. I had a shady mother, and bad doctors. As of today, I am 6 months sober and free of that monster category of drugs. I feel absolutely amazing, and I'm so proud of myself.
BUT... For the past three years I have been drunking heavily. I didn't realize it as a problem until last year. I didn't admit it was a problem until the beginning of this year. Last year when I stopped being a dj in local bars, I though I was In the clear. I switch to drinking wine at home nightly. Now I'm drinking a 750 ml bottle of wine a night.
I have been experiencing withdrawal symptoms around the early evening, and that scared the **** out of me, because of how bad the benzo withdrawal was.the symptoms are not nearly as bad, but I need to stop. Benzos ruined my last marriage, ruined my relationship with my young children, cost me a good job, and sent me spiralling out of control.
I feel like I'm living a double life. I drink at night when the day is done and the kids are in bed. I drink, and then I go to sleep. I dont talk about it, no one really knows except for my husband. My husband is deployed and worries about me. I'm scared that when my kids go back with their father for the school year that im going to get worse.
With all of that venting out of the way, tonight is the first night of my journey. I've been reading through some of the threads for a couple weeks, and I feel like this will help me.
BUT... For the past three years I have been drunking heavily. I didn't realize it as a problem until last year. I didn't admit it was a problem until the beginning of this year. Last year when I stopped being a dj in local bars, I though I was In the clear. I switch to drinking wine at home nightly. Now I'm drinking a 750 ml bottle of wine a night.
I have been experiencing withdrawal symptoms around the early evening, and that scared the **** out of me, because of how bad the benzo withdrawal was.the symptoms are not nearly as bad, but I need to stop. Benzos ruined my last marriage, ruined my relationship with my young children, cost me a good job, and sent me spiralling out of control.
I feel like I'm living a double life. I drink at night when the day is done and the kids are in bed. I drink, and then I go to sleep. I dont talk about it, no one really knows except for my husband. My husband is deployed and worries about me. I'm scared that when my kids go back with their father for the school year that im going to get worse.
With all of that venting out of the way, tonight is the first night of my journey. I've been reading through some of the threads for a couple weeks, and I feel like this will help me.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
It's great to meet you, Dahlia. Being here helped me find the courage to change my life. You're never alone - we all understand what you're going through, like no one else can. I'm so glad you've decided to take action.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 2,914
Welcome! And what a perfect time to start building your tools for when the kids go to their dad’s. Or other life stuff happens that makes you want to drink. I found it just wasn’t improving my life in any real way. You don’t have to get to the point of losing job, marriage, etc. to get there. Kudos to you for working to stop this thing before it gets worse. Hope the withdrawals get better. Good news I guess is that the acute withdrawal is relatively quick with booze. We are here for you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 4
Thanks everyone. It's really hard to talk to friends about this, because no one even knows.
Through my addiction with benzos, I ended up cutting off contact with my mother and the rest of my family 100%. They were insistent that i needed them, and didnt see how they were ruining me. A 20 year old doesnt need 10 mg of valum a day. I moved away, got clean, and started my life over completely.
I appreciate everyone reaching out. It helps so much knowing there are people out there that I can talk to about this.
Through my addiction with benzos, I ended up cutting off contact with my mother and the rest of my family 100%. They were insistent that i needed them, and didnt see how they were ruining me. A 20 year old doesnt need 10 mg of valum a day. I moved away, got clean, and started my life over completely.
I appreciate everyone reaching out. It helps so much knowing there are people out there that I can talk to about this.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 666
We are so glad you joined in. Welcome!
This is a wonderful community with lots of hard-earned wisdom and people who get it. It's great you are reading around.
I, too, was a secret, late-night drinker. It is possible to get out of that miserable, relentless cycle.. of drink, fall into bed, wake up feeling terrible, vowing not to do it that day, but then starting all over again the next evening. Your life starts closing in around you... revolving around buying wine, drinking wine, recovering from wine, but you can break free!
Life can be so much better. Your kids deserve it, YOU deserve it.
Step one: Pour out any wine you have. Don't buy any more. Get through one night, then another. Do something good for yourself instead. Take a bath. Eat a piece of chocolate. Drink hot tea in cozy pajamas. Watch a movie. Read here. Post here. Go to sleep early. Every day you will be stronger. Every day your cells will be healing, your strength returning. Life will open up. You'll rediscover the old you, and the new and improved you yet to come!
You can do it!
my story:
https://soberrecovery.com/forums/new...rate-stop.html
This is a wonderful community with lots of hard-earned wisdom and people who get it. It's great you are reading around.
I, too, was a secret, late-night drinker. It is possible to get out of that miserable, relentless cycle.. of drink, fall into bed, wake up feeling terrible, vowing not to do it that day, but then starting all over again the next evening. Your life starts closing in around you... revolving around buying wine, drinking wine, recovering from wine, but you can break free!
Life can be so much better. Your kids deserve it, YOU deserve it.
Step one: Pour out any wine you have. Don't buy any more. Get through one night, then another. Do something good for yourself instead. Take a bath. Eat a piece of chocolate. Drink hot tea in cozy pajamas. Watch a movie. Read here. Post here. Go to sleep early. Every day you will be stronger. Every day your cells will be healing, your strength returning. Life will open up. You'll rediscover the old you, and the new and improved you yet to come!
You can do it!
my story:
https://soberrecovery.com/forums/new...rate-stop.html
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Welcome to SR Dahlia. I, too, drank alone. It used to be mostly at night after the socially acceptable 5:00 p.m. Then it began to be earlier and earlier until I was drinking most of the afternoon into the evening. All of us here understand addiction. I hope SR will help you achieve lasting sobriety. You aren't alone. Reading the threads and posting will help cement your resolution to be sober. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 4
Day 2 is coming to a close, and I'm feeling really on edge. I feel tired, but I can't sleep. My husband is messaging me. He thinks it's stress, but I don't know how to tell him it's because I never stopped drinking after he left like I said I would.
I'm feeling a lot of guilt, because he's being so supportive, and I feel like if I fess up about my drinking, he will be so disappointed in me.
Hopefully I can sleep soon.
I'm feeling a lot of guilt, because he's being so supportive, and I feel like if I fess up about my drinking, he will be so disappointed in me.
Hopefully I can sleep soon.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Welcome Dahlia - this is a place of great support. 
The early days are not easy, but things do get better - and support helps
In my experience people knew a lot more than I gave them credit for.
Secrets can weight you down...maybe telling your husband would be a relief more than anything else.?
D
The early days are not easy, but things do get better - and support helps
In my experience people knew a lot more than I gave them credit for.
Secrets can weight you down...maybe telling your husband would be a relief more than anything else.?
D
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