Trelkovsky

Hi there. Im new. I think signing up to this site is the best choice ive made in a while. Its my first day sober, again. drank last night. I cant and have no plan on having one beer when i drink. I guess im a pretty bad binge drinker when i start. Ive been drinking for 15 years. binging, usually 18 cans 2 or maybe 3 times a week. I usually manage to go 2-3 days sober. Then i drink. I got chronic pain and heavy anxiety issues so i think one of the reasons i drink is to feel safe for a while, and not think. Also it helps against the physical pain while intoxicated. I always feel very vigilant after suffering serious trauma a couple of times but drinking is a bad solution and I know it . My family is starting to get worried and i think im done this time. i have quit a number of times before. the longest time sober being a year and a couple of months but this time i will make it. Ive been very lonely a lot of my life because of anxiety issues and i get myself more out of my apartment these days hanging with friends but not merely enough. I was in a relationship recently. That ended and messed me up. After that my drinking became worse i started going to bars sleeping around and spent time getting drunk until now. It really just left me messed up emotionally and broke. though. I guess my biggest fear is being alone with my mind for too long so i have to start doing positive things. But first i need to get over the first week. There seem to be a lot of kind people here. Looking forward to talk more with you guys. Sorry if my english is bad btw. Its my second language. Anyway. Just wanted to introduce myself. thanks if you read all the way through. Im positive i can do this. But it will be hard.. That much i know..

Trelkovsky

On a side note. I know dating is generally not looked upon as a good idea in the first year of sobriety but has anyone made it work? I A year feel like a long time.

Rar

Welcome to SR Trelkovsky. There's lots of cumulative sobriety, experience and wisdom here. I'm confident this group can help you on your sobriety journey. During my first weeks, it seemed I hardly left SR. I had so much to learn. Reading the threads not only passed the time, it helped to reduce my cravings. Posting helps a lot too. If you feel you are in danger of picking up, post BEFORE you drink and wait for help. Someone (or lots of someones) will be there to help. SR has talked me off the ledge several times. I'm looking forward to hearing more from you. Hang in there.

least

Welcome to the family. I hope our support can help you get sober for good this time.

MissPerfumado

Welcome Trelkovsky. Have a good read around. When I started my sobriety journey properly, I spent hours reading on SR. Like Rar, I was on here all the time and I learned so much.

I was so wrapped up in recovery, which included a lot of physical fitness and running in my case, I did not have a lot of mental energy for other things. I was getting to know myself again. I was still working a demanding job too. So dating and relationships naturally took a back seat. I'm glad I waited because when I got back into a relationship, 18 months had passed and I was in good psychological shape. I suggest focussing on sobriety for now.

Trelkovsky

Thanks for the kind replies. Im really blessed to have found this page. I have spent alot of time reading other peoples experiences today. I will do so Rar I need to develop a plan. Both of your posts means alot to me. Its nighttime here so im soon finished with day one. Hoping to get some sleep soon. Have a great day/night. Your replies actually removed the knot in my stomach for now. Its so good to know that im not alone.

Trelkovsky

Miss Perfumado. Thanks for the advice. Its in my nature to try to fill the void with something. I probably should wait a while though and start walking more or something similar as a substitute while getting my life together.. Congratulations to all of you with your ongoing sobriety!

Trelkovsky

Day two. Its Saturday. A day that usually leads to getting blackout drunk. I will NOT drink today. Have a good day people.

Yixi

Welcome Trelkovsky and congratulations on choosing another sober day Like Rar and MissPerfumado I learned so much from SR, and continue to do so. With regards to a relationship in early recovery there are many threads on the site which address this issue form those who have been in exactly your position. Personally, I agree with MissPerfumado as I think achieving total sobriety and maintaining a new relationship is a tough ask for anyone. Hoping to see you around. Yix x

BDTL

Glad you joined us! Keep coming back as there is much valuable info here to absorb.

Gottalife

Well, on the dating thing it is important to watch out for the AA trilogy which has been the undoing of many an alcoholic. The job, the car, and the girl Hey-I've made it! - not!

Sobriety for the alcoholic of my type is a way of life. It had to be my number one priority. Having said that, I found I could go and have a date, even a relationship, in early sobriety as long as I didn't get it confused with my sobriety. I never did. I made a mess of my first relationship, but there was no need to drink over it. It was a valuable learning experience. In that stuuf I only learn by doing, just like the rest of the human race.

In AA we say wife of no wife, job or no job, an alcoholic can recover regardless of anything, if he/she will do what it takes.

Getting sober is about our internal condidion. It has nothing to do with external circumstances. On the site here you will find people who drank in every concievable circumstance. Money, no money, home, no home, career, crap job no job, fine weather, raining, happy. sad, cold, hot great relationship, terrible relationship. People have even moved town to get away from external events like old drinking buddies or wives or whatever, and still end up drunk. They took their internal condition with them wherever they went.

Find a way to treat the internal condition, and you'll have the solution.

tomsteve

depends on how ya define "made it work."
me? yup- worked great for gloom, dispair, and agony. the only women attracted to me were ones just as sick as myself and i picked one even sicker. i chronic relapser and is was complete insanity. it took away a lot of time i should have been working on myself.
i didnt drink during any of it, but the honeymoon was short and then left with misery until i ended it.
THEN i was able to truly work on myself.

Rar

On to Day 2. Days 2 and 3 were tough days for me. There is a Weekender thread on here which helps many get through the weekends. Try to stay busy and stay close to SR. I drank chamomile tea and Sleepytime tea even in the day to alleviate my anxiety. Hang in there.

Ladysadie

Trelkovsky - I wouldn't worry about a relationship this early in your game, you have to give your sobriety a chance and let it change you in ways that focus on YOU and not someone else for now. You start taking care of yourself and gaining more energy to discover that person you've ignored for so long. It gets to be amazing how much we blotted out about dreams, desires, learning, living when we spent so much time drunk. Allow yourself to discover the world and all its glory. You've mountains to climb, bridges to cross and a whole lot of living to do. I dare say if you're busy living you'll be surprised the great people you meet sober!

Trelkovsky

Thanks for all the valuable replies people. Unfortunatly i lasted to last night Then i relapsed. I got so depressed and after the withdrawal started to diminish i made a idiotic choice. I drank. My plan is not strong enough. I dont talk to people about these things. only here on the forum and i guess ill have to own up to what i did. i feel pretty ashamed. I really wanted to make it this time but a couple of things happened. A girl i matched with on tinder started texting me a few days ago. Since i take your advice seriously i held the conversation short. I wanted to tell her about my situation. not in detail of course but i didnt. A part of me really wanted to get to know here and the the other part of me told me the timing was bad so I just stopped writing and the whole thing made me feel rather down. I guess part of my problem is that depression leads to isolation and when i get "strong enough" after detoxing for a few days i drink.. im an addict. So much is clear to me, but i can decide what to do. I need to remove the triggers in my life for now. My main trigger is music. ive been a musician for many years. Never been able to make a living of it but its been an important part of the way i see myself but a part of what makes me drink is the depression combined with listening to the music i used to drink to. Its like playing with the devil. Im really dissapointed in myself today and its clear to me that i need to use this forum daily. especially when im in pain or depressed. i guess the worst depression will go away some time, but ive self medicated to keep the depression ive had since my teenage years away and probably made it thougher to cope with and longer than neccesary by doing so. Now i feel stripped of dignity and overall ******. i should have reached out yesterday BEFORE i picked up the bottle like Rar said and now i feel like an idiot.. its day one again. Time for a new start a little wiser. Hopefully.. i Cant continue to let myself and everyone down. Im sure people see more than im aware of and that scares me. tomsteve ive actually been in a similar situation. I was dating a girl who was "done" with amphetamine for a while. For a few months she was, but suddenly she started to dissapear for a couple of days and showed addict behaviour. I believe you right. The only girls i seem to be hook up with is people with similar issues as mine. sometimes i dont even know about it until i get to know them. weird. Maybe i know on a subliminal level? regarding this particular girl. I really though she was and wanted to be clean, it messed me up for a while. my drinking was better in the beginning when i was with her, but it progressed and after we were done. It became even worse. As i sit here writing this. i can see the difference between wanting something and actually put in the work and change. Im no better than she was even though i thought i at that point had control of my drinking. Different drug but same problems. Im not giving up though. but i think i need to whiteknuckle it alone for a while avoiding triggers and doing exercise. And i really need to be a part of this community this place is all i got. i want to tell a few about my situation but i need to be sober for a a few months first so i dont relapse early like yesterday and make a even bigger fool of myself than usual..Thanks for all the good advice. Ive just been to tired and depressed to write anything before now.