idontgetit508

Ok, i got up I walked two miles to my car felt good got in the car grabbed a coffee and muffin. I should not be drinking coffee with anxiety but im not drinking alcohol. Drive home i still have not showered since that female scared me. I have not brushed my teeth. I always self torture myself for someone's treatment towards me. Why???? I know just get in the shower no 1 wants cavities or to stink. I guess in my mind i figured im safe in my apt and ill just get to a routine starting Monday. but when i wake usually i sleep 2-4 hours im angry i got little sleep.

I must confess the drunk was big on "no cheating" yea sure so he gave me the password to his voicemail on the cell over a year ago. I changed his code after I got hit with a threat. Rightfully, i would like to give him back his passcode but he is so drunk he doesnt even know or care. Also, if i give him back my passcode i fear i will call it private and check. I am not evil im hurt. My gf said give me his # who cares you been worrying him for a year ill change the passcode to something you never know one thing solved and she was like give me your facebook and ill change your password and deactivate you so you cant get in. This girlfriend is not a lawsuit lurker. She is authentic.

He is a big boy he can call his cell phone carrier provide his social or dial customer service and fix it. Rightfully I have screenshots I dont care i changed the passcode only thing i fear for my sanity is giving him his code back I will be checking thats not NC. I know this is not focusing on my self at all its only been 3 days since the scariness. Who cares about a pass code he would only even notice that if he dried out which i dont see that coming. He is a man i paid that bill many a times shame on me i take accountability. I dont even want to private call his phone and change anything. Dont worry what they think let my gf handle it and he can dial 611 any time and they will gladly fix it. I'm not evil, im hurt, and pissed and calling him to give him back a passcode is violating NC.

Get in the shower put feet on solid ground wash up, brush teeth. and live my life. Start packing and give myself some grace. He never cared about when he sent someone here to hurt me be a man call your cell phone carrier yourself when you dry out and be a man I'm tired of cleaning up your messes. Constructive is great but please the only reason I dont want to give him the code is violating NC. The phone is not in the ocean. Anyone struggle to shower over a bum or brush there teeth?
god bless

PuzzledHeart

That is such a beautiful sentence.

Looks as if you're doing the right things to get things going.

Just to clarify - you guys aren't on the same phone plan, yes?

idontgetit508

No, we are not on the same plan at all. No ties. He kept calling me awful words and accusing me of cheating that i was like you give me the passcode to your vm i give u mind. U can check it anytime. So i hve had it for a year. He ws 2 drunk to ever even bother listening to mine....so i changed as a boss leaving a message is equivalent to cheating. My mom has my cell phone we took the battery out and put it in her drawer. I have a phone that works in wifi and for 911. What else do I need??? It's time to put my big girl panties on shower, get some boxes, and fresh start. No more drunk. Have a routine set tomorrow al-anon, healthy grocery shopping as i have not been eating i look like an Olsen twin lol!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! A nice walk, pacing myself, starting to pack my friend is going back on my fb and changing the password word and deactivating that 2 and changing his passcode she was like we are handling this today not ten years from now. I pray for all us, the sleepless nights of worry and they are partying, losing his phone 50 times in one year. Omg always having to backtrack find the phone, or he would be so drunk at a bar it would get stolen i would feel bad and buy him one. He used his daughter as a pawn for me now. If I have no phone how will I talk to my daughter. I sipped the kool aid. Let the family leave message after message and he can get off his ass and dial 611 you give your 9 digit social and they fix it. His verbal security was what did people call you crying up??? lmao he ued his first name. I feel better i know it comes in waves i didnt trust myself with my phone i go back thursday to get it for my move and settle in and start work sat or monday. No pressure!!!! I am exhausted i know it's not good to sleep your problems away but i have been not sleeping and stressing over things im powerless over so im going to sleep at hopefully by 9 Boston time so ill be up early get in the gym, get some boxes, get me back it was 11 months of abuse I cant stand for this. No car, no money, no job, crazy kid's mother please get back together somebody has got to be out there better for me and I'm emotionally unavailable so I'm not looking any time soon when i know who i am and regain my power back and dignity, and career maybe we will see if mr. right is in the cards.

Goodnight thank you puzzled heart, trailmix, bernandette and anybody else who has advocated for me if i dont remember your name i was worrying over a drunk who doesnt love or care about me. Dial 611 pal dry out no messages to you. LOl i dont care

idontgetit508

sorry his question besides his pin was what did people call you growing up lol he used his first name i mean this is kind of funny. His kid's mother he never told me about you honey, you were used, I know everything well honey you dont know the passcode I did so that must count for something as when he dries out he will call her in fear and say dont leave messages on my vm she has my passcode. She is going to be pissed and im going to be out of here. Take care drunk. I had enough abuse

PuzzledHeart

Oh my gosh. Please sleep. You will feel so much better physically and mentally after a good doze. In fact, I hope you don't read this message until tomorrow morning.

Seren

Yes, when I am stressed or anxious or depressed I will not particularly worry about how I look...which is bad. I won't do things like style/fix my hair or put on makeup. I will still shower and brush my teeth because that is a personal comfort thing for me. Plus....eating and sleeping kind of goes away for a bit, too. I'll only let myself linger in that space for a day or two before pulling myself together again!

I am sorry you went through that scary time right before an interview! Rest and recharge and get back out there!! You can do this