I have the caregiver blues today
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I have the caregiver blues today
Hi, all.
As many of you are aware, I am a caregiver to my 92 year old mom. My alcohol addicted sib lives with her.
Overall, mom is pretty steady state. She only needs two daily meds, can live safely in her home at the moment, and has good days and bad days with regard to her cognition. (Dementia, loss of short term memory, some confusion at times).
She does require a daily visit as she no longer remembers to take her meds. An aide, who comes in twice a week, me, my spouse and my other sib manage the visits among us.
I visited her yesterday, and she was having what I have come to call a brain fog day.
Not taking in what I was saying, had to say things several times for her to comprehend.
That’s a hard thing, and that is what has given me the blues today.
I am weary.
I tell myself things could be so, so much worse, and me and my older sib are committed to having her live in her home as long as she can do so safely.
We haven’t reached the nursing home stage yet, but, as I stated, I am weary.
That’s it. Thanks for reading.
As many of you are aware, I am a caregiver to my 92 year old mom. My alcohol addicted sib lives with her.
Overall, mom is pretty steady state. She only needs two daily meds, can live safely in her home at the moment, and has good days and bad days with regard to her cognition. (Dementia, loss of short term memory, some confusion at times).
She does require a daily visit as she no longer remembers to take her meds. An aide, who comes in twice a week, me, my spouse and my other sib manage the visits among us.
I visited her yesterday, and she was having what I have come to call a brain fog day.
Not taking in what I was saying, had to say things several times for her to comprehend.
That’s a hard thing, and that is what has given me the blues today.
I am weary.
I tell myself things could be so, so much worse, and me and my older sib are committed to having her live in her home as long as she can do so safely.
We haven’t reached the nursing home stage yet, but, as I stated, I am weary.
That’s it. Thanks for reading.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,647
I don't have any first hand experience with dementia (thankfully) but I do know someone who has just gone through this with her Mother and yes, it is so very hard.
You do sound exhausted. is there any way that you can take a break? Perhaps your Sister or Husband can fill in on your visits for a week or two so you can take some time for yourself or the aide could perhaps make extra visits?
I hope you do take some time away for yourself.
You do sound exhausted. is there any way that you can take a break? Perhaps your Sister or Husband can fill in on your visits for a week or two so you can take some time for yourself or the aide could perhaps make extra visits?
I hope you do take some time away for yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Thanks, all, for the hugs and support.
I don’t know one person in my age cohort who isn’t dealing with this in some fashion, unless, of course, their parents have passed.
It’s just that she is a shell of her former self.
She was a voracious reader, and she passed on her love of reading to me.
But her eyes are poor now, and she can’t really remember plots, so no reading.
She used to love to walk, can’t do that now unassisted.
But...she’s pretty happy, and I know that moving back to this area to help her wS a good thing to do.
This winter was a good one for her. She usually gets anxious and kinda sad, but that was not in evidence this year.
So I believe that her quality of life is as good as it can be and that I have been part of that.
I feel a bit better. Sometimes it’s good to just get it out there.
Thanks again.
I don’t know one person in my age cohort who isn’t dealing with this in some fashion, unless, of course, their parents have passed.
It’s just that she is a shell of her former self.
She was a voracious reader, and she passed on her love of reading to me.
But her eyes are poor now, and she can’t really remember plots, so no reading.
She used to love to walk, can’t do that now unassisted.
But...she’s pretty happy, and I know that moving back to this area to help her wS a good thing to do.
This winter was a good one for her. She usually gets anxious and kinda sad, but that was not in evidence this year.
So I believe that her quality of life is as good as it can be and that I have been part of that.
I feel a bit better. Sometimes it’s good to just get it out there.
Thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Location: America
Posts: 4,136
Hang in there, Maudcat. You are a wonderful person. I understand what you're talking about. My mom has fallen at home about 3 times that we know of here lately and we worry about her...living at home...even with relatives close by! And, she is slipping too...sometimes forgets to take her meds and then her blood pressure shoots up way high. She needs to take it easy more....but won't slow down...on the go...that's just her way....she's a people person and likes to get out and visit others....It's hard to know what to do...because her getting out and doing things keeps her going....I just worry about her...My father in law also falls a lot at home...but he won't use a walker or any kind of aid to assist him....he's still at home, but may need to go to assisted....this is a man who used to work in the pentagon and taught at a college level until he was 80. I have always admired him....very intelligent person...but he worries me too....
Member
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Baton Rouge, La.
Posts: 15,240
Sending positive vibes out your way,
Maudcat. <hugs)
Don't they have these audio books
available somewhere's for folks to buy
and listen too? Maybe something like
that for your mom to listen too?
I'm sure there are stories or music
that you can purchase and have delivered
to your home. Just a thought.
Maudcat. <hugs)
Don't they have these audio books
available somewhere's for folks to buy
and listen too? Maybe something like
that for your mom to listen too?
I'm sure there are stories or music
that you can purchase and have delivered
to your home. Just a thought.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Maudcat, big hugs for you. 
I was a caregiver for my mom for a while. It's rough. And I didn't have the alcoholic sibling to deal with.
Mom had dementia too, quite badly. We kept her in her home until she fell and didn't know where she was or what the date was. When it got that bad we put her in assisted living.
I was a caregiver for my mom for a while. It's rough. And I didn't have the alcoholic sibling to deal with. Mom had dementia too, quite badly. We kept her in her home until she fell and didn't know where she was or what the date was. When it got that bad we put her in assisted living.
Life is good
Join Date: Apr 2018
Posts: 4,036
Hi Maudcat,
I have some close experience with brain disorders. With dementia it can be difficult to assess when more supervised care is needed.
"Does your loved one have Alzheimer’s or dementia?
While regular assisted living communities may be able to offer sufficient care to people with early to moderate Alzheimer’s or other kinds of dementia, they are usually not equipped to care for people with symptoms associated more advanced stages of the illness, which include difficulty chewing and swallowing, as well as behavior problems and a host of other issues. In this case, dedicated memory care is required. Sometimes this can be offered at an assisted living community with a special memory-care unit, but a nursing home with an Alzheimer’s specialization is most often preferable in cases of late stage Alzheimer’s and dementia."
Having a supportive, safe environment can be greatly beneficial to the person receiving care. People with brain injuries or diseases often minimize, refuse extra care and have a hard time articulating how the brain is failing them.
Living at home, either alone or with untrained caregivers, can become self-isolating for all involved.
Take care. One day at a time. More will be revealed.
(((hugs)))
I have some close experience with brain disorders. With dementia it can be difficult to assess when more supervised care is needed.
"Does your loved one have Alzheimer’s or dementia?
While regular assisted living communities may be able to offer sufficient care to people with early to moderate Alzheimer’s or other kinds of dementia, they are usually not equipped to care for people with symptoms associated more advanced stages of the illness, which include difficulty chewing and swallowing, as well as behavior problems and a host of other issues. In this case, dedicated memory care is required. Sometimes this can be offered at an assisted living community with a special memory-care unit, but a nursing home with an Alzheimer’s specialization is most often preferable in cases of late stage Alzheimer’s and dementia."
Having a supportive, safe environment can be greatly beneficial to the person receiving care. People with brain injuries or diseases often minimize, refuse extra care and have a hard time articulating how the brain is failing them.
Living at home, either alone or with untrained caregivers, can become self-isolating for all involved.
Take care. One day at a time. More will be revealed.
(((hugs)))
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
I was reading that often people have to go into care when they become a “two person transfer,” i.e. it takes two people to get them up, dressed and toiletted.
My mom isn’t there yet as she is quite self sufficient.
So, again, things could be very, very bad and they aren’t.
Yet.
Silver lining.
My mom isn’t there yet as she is quite self sufficient.
So, again, things could be very, very bad and they aren’t.
Yet.
Silver lining.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Update: as it happens, mom met with her new doctor yesterday. (Her physician of many years retired) and he was pleased overall with her current state. He is recommending Aricept at a low dose to maybe improve her cognition and memory.
I looked it up and it apparently gets decent results.
You always hesitate to add another med into the mix, but I’m willing to give it a go. Maybe it will help.
I looked it up and it apparently gets decent results.
You always hesitate to add another med into the mix, but I’m willing to give it a go. Maybe it will help.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2016
Posts: 994
My dad cared for my mother with dementia until the end and it was very, very hard on him so I get how difficult and draining it is. I am also sole care giver to my autistic adult son and do wonder, nearing 60, how long I can do it for when he is only 19. It's tiring and you never can relax. I hope the meds help her. xx
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Well, things are progressing for my dad. I found out yesterday he left the gas on the stove (all four burners) and filled up the house w/gas, and then got mad when a family member opened the windows and doors b/c he said he did not do that. It's a horrible disease for sure. He is 78 years old and in amazing health, so sadly he could very well live a life of this for a very long time. My heart hurts for my mom especially.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
As I mentioned earlier, hopeful, what is key for me is whether mom is safe.
So far, so good, though I did remove an overturned milk crate from the porch today lest someone use it as a step stool to water hanging plants.
That she will fall and break something is my biggest fear, as that would be the game changer.
So far, so good, though I did remove an overturned milk crate from the porch today lest someone use it as a step stool to water hanging plants.
That she will fall and break something is my biggest fear, as that would be the game changer.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Up until now, I feel as though my mom buries her head as to how bad it is with my dad, making things extremely difficult. She is 10 years younger than him, and basically he has been able to stay home alone while she goes to work. She loves her job and does not want to quit as it's her reprieve. That being said, what happened yesterday is going to be a game changer. It's very difficult for my family and I as we don't live right there, and a lot of this is my mom's decisions. However, for his safety things are going to have to change. Ugh.
Big hugs and many prayers for all going through these difficult times.
Big hugs and many prayers for all going through these difficult times.
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