AmbyMarie

Happy Memorial Day guys! I’m on 10 days sober which I am proud about, but my husband is making it so hard. I feel like he has not helped with my alcoholism as he is an alcoholic as well, daily drinker of at least 8 beers, and gets mean and hurtful while drunk. At first he seemed supportive of me getting sober, but now he has been quite nasty the last few days after I said to him in order to get sober, I have to put myself first for a change. He apparently got pissed by that, and since Thursday, he is constantly berating me and putting me down, even telling me just now he doesn’t have like having sex with fat people, which is why he won’t have sex with me. I took my boys to the parade today and felt great and free, happy and sober. As soon as I get home, the ridicule starts, him calling me stupid, a moron etc. Sobriety in the first weeks is hard, but he is making it damn near impossible and even told me this morning that I can’t do it because I will never change my ways. I feel so defeated and have no family around so feeling lonely. I know I’m an attractive and wonderful woman who is capable, so not sure why he feels the need to treat me like this, I hate it and feel so sad. He makes sure to tell me too that I will never figure out life on my own....I sometimes feel like he is right as he has been telling me this almost constantly for over a decade. These used to be the times where it would trigger a major binge just to mask the insecurity. I am NOT going to drink today, but still feel absolutely worthless after what was said to me the last few days😢

yinzer

Maybe get away for a while. Visit a war memorial, which is why there is this holiday, not for drunken asshattery that your husband is showing. Sorry you have to deal with that. That does not sound like a good partner.

Delilah1

Congratulations on ten days sober, that's a great accomplishment. I'm sorry things are fought with your husband. I got sober two and a half years ago, and my husband still drinks a few beers almost daily. In the beginning it was an adjustment for both of us, but we found a new normal. He knows I won't drink ever again, and he is very supportive of that. I wish he would decide to stop completely, but I don't know if that is going to happen.

As for the put downs, that's just not okay. If it has been going on for ten years, it is not likely going to stop. You will need to make some decisions about your relationship as you move ahead in sobriety. Nobondybdeserves to be spoken to like that.

Anna

AmbyMarie, I'm very sorry for your situation with your husband. I am posting information on abuse because what you are experiencing is domestic abuse. This is not good for you or for your children to witness. You don't have to live like this. Please take care of yourself.

Domestic Abuse Defined
Abuse Defined - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies
Abuse information and support for every woman and every girl on Earth
Home « HotPeachPages International

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)
Home - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Canada
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
https://www.qld.gov.au/community/get...-getting-help/

BlownOne

but still feel absolutely worthless after what was said to me the last few days��

Try to remember that feelings aren't reality. You are NOT worthless. You are trying to do something to make yourself a better person. That's not only noble, but it's something that a lot of people never even make the effort to do. You should be proud of yourself! Far as your husband goes, I know for me while I was drinking and using I always felt seriously threatened whenever someone else tried to change for the better by quitting. It's like it made my own addictions that much more glaring and I resented it a lot. I'm, not saying that's what's happening, only my own experience. But I definitely agree with the other posters. The way he's treating you is abuse and there's no excuse for it, alcoholic or not. You deserve much better. And congrats on 10 days sober. Keep going!

NerfThis

Usually when someone starts berating another individual for doing a good thing, it's through jealously. It sounds like he is jealous that you are succeeding in your sobriety and is trying to hijack your success and happiness by saying horrible and untrue things about you. I guess he thinks if he says them enough, you will start to believe them, you'll fail your battle with alcohol and he'll somehow 'win' by derailing you.

As mentioned by others, this is absolutely a form of abuse. You must reevaluate your relationship if this is something you have been dealing with for so long.

Congratulations on 10 days sober! Don't let the things he's saying make you think less of your achievement (I do appreciate how hard that is, but please try not to let his words damage your progress. It does sound like his resentment and jealousy is causing him to try and sabotage your success)

SparkleKitty

He sounds very threatened by the positive changes you have made for yourself, and is projecting all of history own insecurities upon you. There is nothing about this situation that drinking won’t make worse in the long rum. Please keep putting yourself and your kids first, and be very proud of yourself for how far you have come.