I'm back...was MIA
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
I'm back...was MIA
Well, I haven't visited this site in quite sometime because when I keep drinking I tend to not look at recovery info/sites or go to meetings. I know bad, bad, bad! When I use to be on this site it was helpful so on my more than hundred times of trying to stop drinking. I decided to not be afraid or ashamed to come back here and another site that I find helpful. I went to detox for 5 days between April 23 and the 28. I ran into a problem with my health care license (surrendered it) because the board tested me and it was positive for high amounts of alcohol. I would of been finished being in their mandatory program on March 18th, but I got busted on February 15th. I have been in this program for 4 years, drank quite often but never got caught. They wanted me to do 3 more years and I just fail so much at staying sober I just said the hell with it.Well once reality set in that I sent the email surrending my license I picked up after 2 weeks being home. I got a case of the F its and called myself drinking at them. Well I feel terrible, my son and mom are really hurt. I haven't drank today and want to stop. I need support. I have isolated so much and put up a front that Im not drinking for mostly everyone except my son and my mom.i drink at home alone that when **** hits the fan I have no one to share it with. Its very hard for me to ask for help, but after drinking alcoholically since 2004 I am admitting I can't do this by myself. Thanks in advance to anyone who reaches out to me. This is so hard for me to do...ask for help. Think that's why I was terrible at AA.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
glad ya made it back mistory.
i think a LOT of us have a problem with asking for help- pride can really get in the way.
humility never hurt anyone.
lack of it has destroyed nations.
something wild i found out in AA:
i had a LOT of people willing and wanting to help but couldnt until i reached out and asked. once i got the humility to reach out, solutions came pouring in.
it wasnt easy admitting and accepting i couldnt fix my thinking with my thinking, but it was necessary. the only thing my thinking did was get me drunk. i had to have the thinking of others to help me recover.
i think a LOT of us have a problem with asking for help- pride can really get in the way.
humility never hurt anyone.
lack of it has destroyed nations.
something wild i found out in AA:
i had a LOT of people willing and wanting to help but couldnt until i reached out and asked. once i got the humility to reach out, solutions came pouring in.
it wasnt easy admitting and accepting i couldnt fix my thinking with my thinking, but it was necessary. the only thing my thinking did was get me drunk. i had to have the thinking of others to help me recover.
thanks
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm glad you asked for help mistory 
I think recovery starts with a day one - tons of support here - unless you feel you need medical supervision to be safe, why not go for it?
welcome back
D
I think recovery starts with a day one - tons of support here - unless you feel you need medical supervision to be safe, why not go for it?
welcome back
D
I hope our support can help you achieve lasting sobriety. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
i actually have an appointment for iop intake tomorrow. worried they are going to turn me away when they find out i had binge drinking for 4 days. ive been clean today. i think they are going to say i need inpatient, but i just cant go away. helping my son with college admission and financial aide.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
I'm glad you're back!! Good luck tomorrow with IOP. If for some reason they suggest inpatient for a bit can someone else help finish up the financial aid for your son? Would you be able to get that taken care of before heading into a program?
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Missing in Action, MIA. I was MII for almost a year from when I first got a look at the means of recovery I eventually employed successfully. MII meant missing in inaction. I was shown a way but chose not to act.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Delilah1 
I'm glad you're back!! Good luck tomorrow with IOP. If for some reason they suggest inpatient for a bit can someone else help finish up the financial aid for your son? Would you be able to get that taken care of before heading into a program?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Missing in Action, MIA. I was MII for almost a year from when I first got a look at the means of recovery I eventually employed successfully. MII meant missing in inaction. I was shown a way but chose not to act.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Gottalife
Missing in Action, MIA. I was MII for almost a year from when I first got a look at the means of recovery I eventually employed successfully. MII meant missing in inaction. I was shown a way but chose not to act.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
I heard a very interesting speaker at an AA meeting the other night, talking about brisk action on the AA program. His experience was that his action on the program had to stay ahead of his thinking. Act first, think later made sense to me. My pace with the program was relatively slow, 90 days to get part way into step nine. But fortunately my thinking was even slower, otherwise I may well have thunk myself out of sobriety.
I have seen enough to know that action, not thinking, is what gets alcoholics like me sober. Thinking about an action like taking a particular step, without the benefit of the experience of having taken the step, will place fear to the forefront in our considerations. We will not have the benefit from the action to balance out the fear.
When I recovered I did it by jumping in boots and all, without reservation. It seems to have worked for me, maybe ot would for you.
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
Originally Posted by mistory5
You make a great point inaction keeps me drinking. Im trying to stay focused on what i have to do today....go to iop intake at 130 and then i have to find a f2f meeting and not worry about the shame im feeling about going in and out of meetings. I just want to change but scared i can't
When I went to my first AA meeting, I was frightened about that. I was stepping into the unknown in more ways than one, and I was fairly well convinced that I was a lost cause anyway.
What I didn't know, because I had never experienced it, was that my action in AA would lead me to a whole new deal. The changes I was unable to make were, in a sense, made for me. I came out of it with a totally different outlook, and life has been more than satisfactory ever since.
I know that sense of shame. My first few meetings I sat at the back, looked at the floor. If I was asked to speak, I said 'My name is Mike, I am an alcoholic, and I would just like to listen thanks". And that was OK. I got way more from listening anyway.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2014
Location: east coast
Posts: 451
Originally Posted by Gottalife
I was scared I couldn't change too. I tried and tried and could never pull it off. It was a reasonable fear, based in experience.
When I went to my first AA meeting, I was frightened about that. I was stepping into the unknown in more ways than one, and I was fairly well convinced that I was a lost cause anyway.
What I didn't know, because I had never experienced it, was that my action in AA would lead me to a whole new deal. The changes I was unable to make were, in a sense, made for me. I came out of it with a totally different outlook, and life has been more than satisfactory ever since.
I know that sense of shame. My first few meetings I sat at the back, looked at the floor. If I was asked to speak, I said 'My name is Mike, I am an alcoholic, and I would just like to listen thanks". And that was OK. I got way more from listening anyway.
When I went to my first AA meeting, I was frightened about that. I was stepping into the unknown in more ways than one, and I was fairly well convinced that I was a lost cause anyway.
What I didn't know, because I had never experienced it, was that my action in AA would lead me to a whole new deal. The changes I was unable to make were, in a sense, made for me. I came out of it with a totally different outlook, and life has been more than satisfactory ever since.
I know that sense of shame. My first few meetings I sat at the back, looked at the floor. If I was asked to speak, I said 'My name is Mike, I am an alcoholic, and I would just like to listen thanks". And that was OK. I got way more from listening anyway.
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