Simpleman1979

I have been spending a lot of time exploring/journaling/etc. in an attempt to get down to my fundamental thought processes. I have hit a wall that I figured I would throw out there for ideas:

I cannot be content in moments where I am supposed to relax/be at peace/unwind. My brain refuses to be at peace and instead says "don't forget about this pressing issue, this other thing needs to be done, this other thing in the near future is going to be stressful." I would love to be able to come home, sit and watch TV, read a book...just be content. I would love to sit at a coffeehouse and read and not worry about anything. Even when the house/office is perfectly clean and organized, all the work is done, and it is time to sit and be at peace: I find something to worry about or something to do that takes my mind off the fact that I am supposed to sit and rest.

I say this because it makes me drink but fortunately, have figured this out. I keep myself busy to avoid having to sit and be at peace, with nothing to do but be present. My brain tells me that in order to sit and be at peace, you have to have alcohol. So I guess ultimately, it is a fear of being at peace...alone with your thoughts and feelings..with nothing to do but be present.

Has anyone been in this situation? Thank you!!

lessgravity

Sounds pretty much like life to me. Not uncommon to be stuck on the hamster wheel of the monkey mind. Have you looked into mediation?

Though I don't think this "makes" anyone drink. There are plenty of people, most humans actually, who have the same existential anxiety who do not put poison to their lips and get drunk.

I, for one, number myself in our addicted minority so I have to be vigilant against the urges that come with ennui and restless mindedness.

But instead of getting drunk, seeing the moment and those thoughts/feelings for what they are seems to me to be the way to deal with them. Which, admirably, it sounds like you are doing.

biminiblue

That obsessive rumination and circular thinking dies down a lot with continuous sober time and working at it.

There will always be eleventy-seven things that have to be done. A list and prioritizing helps a bit, but I agree with Lessgravity, meditation is really designed to control that thought-process.

It's exhausting to always have to be perfect, right? I can tell you that my house is not perfect, there are many unfinished projects, but it's tidy and fairly clean and the projects are being chipped away at when money permits.

There is a lot of stuff that doesn't need to be done urgently. Letting go is a skill that is worth developing. It takes time, sober time.

Is it more important to be perfect or to be happy? Rest is good. Quiet is good. Staring at the sky is good.

entropy1964

Bimini is right that the obsessive stuff is really heightened in early recovery.

You've also said it yourself, you have a powerful association between relaxation and that drinking ritual. Maybe a new ritual around herb tea, or infused waters? I'm a consumer of all things beverage, much more so than other people I know. Its just me. So I have lots of interesting things to drink.
New healthy rituals, new associations.

Without exercise I'd be nuts. So, yeah, exercise.

And if you are like me, you are a worrier by nature. I had a super stressful, insane childhood. So yeah, I learned to worry. There was a time that drinking numbed that. But that time is long gone and it now just exacerbates it. Acceptance is key. Focusing on what is in your locust of control. Taking your eye off what you cannot control. Learning not to awfulize/catastrophize.....oh my gawd what if thinking is not effective. Learning to nurture yourself and sooth yourself. That is really important for me as I have no one in my life that can play that role anymore. Makes me sad sometimes but that's just the way it is. I'm the nurturer, not the nurtured. But I can nurture myself!

Hang in there. Stay sober. It'll get better.

doggonecarl

You want to be content? If you can't sit still, you can't sit still. Be content with who you are. And don't drink over it.

Nonsensical

Not true. Your brain is lazy, and it wants to do what it has always done - worry about future events. It's been doing that for so long that your brain can sit and worry without any effort on your part.

Making it do other things takes effort. Your brain resists that effort. Your brain is like - "Hey, we've built this 8-lane superhighway to Worryville for the past couple of decades, why are you trying to force me into the jungle toward Relaxtown where there isn't even a trail! That's too hard!"

It takes practice. And practice. And more practice.

Meditate. Close your eyes and think about how the air feels at the tips of your nostrils for 20 minutes. If it's your first time, and you don't have to wrestle your brain away from where it wants to go and back onto that nostril-focused path at least 6 times a minute for 20 minutes, you aren't doing it right.

Who said relaxing was supposed to come naturally? This **** is hard work for those of us who spent decades avoiding it - and I did!

You can do this!

Simpleman1979

Amazing responses, I am super grateful to all of you for chiming in and helping me. I have written a lot of this in my journal, so again, thank you!!

least

I try to emulate my dogs and cats as they live in the moment with no effort.

MyLittleHorsie

I Don't sit still for too long. I fall asleep when I meditate. To me sitting and doing nothing is completely wasteful, it is more harmful than self caring for me. However, I started doing needle work again. My kids have not picked up a pitchfork in 6 months, gardens are begging me to come play. Menial tasks are how I practice mindfulness. Maybe as I get a year or two under my belt, that will change. Baby steps to learn processes.