wynwrights

Closing in on 100 days sober and we had people over for dinner tonight, people we actually don’t know all that well. They drank some — not a massive amount, but some — and I drank Coke. I was a bit taken aback when one of our guests asked me if I was a teetotaler (why yes, I am!), but otherwise the evening went pretty much as these things tend to: some conversation, some food and that’s pretty much the size of it. And yet, viewed from a different angle, it was a huge milestone: we haven’t had dinner guests for decades without my having at least a couple of drinks and more likely getting hammered. In many ways, it was something of a personal Rubicon: finally, I’m far enough down the path of sobriety that I can begin to see how real life works without my being lubricated by booze and then more booze.

(I know some will be asking about the AV and it was admittedly pretty loud while I was getting stuff ready for dinner earlier in the day. I told myself I’d feel like death if I drank — reminded myself that it would not be a couple because it never is, but an all-out binge — and it went quiet.)

MissPerfumado

For me, this was the way my sober muscles strengthened. Coming up on 100 days (congratulations!!) is relatively early in sobriety, but you're ready to test yourself in meaningful ways. Sounds like you cleared the test with flying colours. Each test you pass informs you and strengthens you.

Dee74

it took me a while to loosen up but I got there in the end.

I prefer small gatherings with well established friends. We have a great time
good for you wynwrights

Renvate

Congratulations!

I went to a live music festival here today, as usual, there is a beer garden, pubs everywhere and finger food. nearly everyone has a beer in their hand.

I Would usually start my pre drinks here all day. then i would shoot of to the clubs across the city bridge closer to the night. And end up home at 7am with $800 gone from my savings and an extreme hangover.

i didnt drink today, and this adventure never happened. I instead really want to go for a long mountain bike ride this afternoon.

I know its different to a dinner party, but it IS possible to enjoy time and people without booze.

We used to have dinner parties and i was excited for them only because i can drink, and with people.

MindfulMan

It’s actually not that difficult, is it?

I went to one of the biggest parties on the planet with over 100,000 of my closest friends, many of whom were in a state of low to high dose polypharmacological alteration. Had a great time. Thursday got together with a small group celebrating a one year sober birthday with Thai food and Boston cream cake. Five of us, the birthday girl I met as we were both checking into rehab(she is a week ahead because she had already done her detox). Had a great time.

Buzz just gets in the way of enjoyment when I’m with people.

This didn’t happen immediately, it took some adjustment. I’m now learning to navigate dating and sex sober. That was very strange at first, but I’m getting to the point of not being able to fall back on alcohol as a social lubricant as a challenge that I can easily handle. It’s also kept me out of some very sketchy situations and craziness.

Glad you liked your dinner party, and good job with the AV.

PeacefulWater12

Good work.

I found as I practised socialising without alcohol, I became more and more comfortable.

eta - I was chatting with a quit buddy recently about how when we drank, WE thought we were witty, amusing and funny. Entertaining the crowd!

Haha, now realising reality was we were being obnoxious, loud, intrusive nuisances!!!

Glad I don't do that anymore.

PhoenixJ

congrats- an achievement worth noting.

b0glerd69

Well done. I am going through some similar experiences. I have a twin brother and when we get together he always wants to party (he lives in a different country and his wife is very controlling). The last time he arrived I told him I wasn't drinking. That was a big one for me.

Nonsensical

+1

lessgravity

I have found this to be the case. I was at ANOTHER social event last night with my wife and friends/family for a milestone birthday of someone very close. In times past I would have lubricated in secret before we went out, then maybe snuck a shot at the bar pretending to go to the bathroom, and certainly drank as much as anyone at the table. I would always have been as drunk/drunker than anyone there.

But now, sober as a bird, I find myself 1. enjoying the experience that much more and 2. in control of my faculties in ways I could NOT have been previously. I remember thinking everyone at every dinner/party was wasted. And now, though certainly people do drink and a couple people over drink, I see that the majority of the people only have a drink or two, even at a very celebratory night like last night.

Either way, good for you for enjoying the night and for recognizing your AV. I bet your were funnier/wittier or just more with it over all at the dinner than you would have been plastered.

Rar

Double post

Rar

This struck me as VERY FUNNY!

Great job ignoring your AV Wynwrights. 100 days is superb!

August252015

I'm like Dee in my preferences - and at 100 days (and quite a bit longer) I still preferred one on ones, or just dinner with my parents, TBH. I was very conservative in my opening up socially (9 mo for an out of town trip, 14 for a party, 17 for a wedding...). Not because I was afraid, but bc I was curating my world and life in recovery.

Glad you were able to enjoy yourself. I'd just add- my cautious side here, like I used and still sometimes do- that as Dee also often comments- it can be a sneaky thing AFTER a successful outing around alcohol, as our AV/alcoholism/whatever you call it can come calling strongly exactly because we did "do great."

Take care- keep going! I have found that everything I do gets better and more comfortable and more enjoyable the longer I am sober!

wynwrights

Absolutely. I used to assume everyone wanted to cut loose like I did, too. And now, it’s painfully apparent to me that, while some people do like to drink with gay abandon at any and all opportunity, most do as you say: they have a couple, then stop. By contrast, I’ve spent years being plastered at all any and all social events and I only went to plenty of them in the first place because I wanted to drink!

Renvate

some don't even finish their glass throughout the whole night!

every time i saw this i didn't think it was weird, i just thought "how can you not enjoy that?"

lessgravity

This was me as well. To think I would rather have drank two bottles of wine and a few nips by myself in my apartment rather than have to go out and see friends. Yikes. The Beast was well fed those days.

So much better to be out and happily in control. Congrats again.