Michellewilkes

I have been dealing with “my addict” for going on 7 years. It has taken over my life. According to all I have read and even my Nar-Anon group for parents that are dealing with children who are addicts; this now defines me as a “co-dependent”. Well immediately I was like - who me? Dependent on what?? So I started researching trying to understand. After a couple of days of reading any article I could find and even listening to several videos; I felt worse than ever!! From my understanding, because of the disfunction and trauma I grew up in caused me to be a control freak and fix everyone around me. So in doing so, I helped create the addict that is now my 24 year old son.

I do not agree with all the information I heard and read. I have never been a controlling person. I HAVE tried to “fix” things for my son, but not to control him, but being a damn good mom, anytime he was struggling to stay clean, I did what I could because I did not want him to relapse.

And I am so very frustrated with the whole damn system responsible for helping our sons and daughters with addictions!!! It BLOWS my mind that insurance companies will cover treatment based on how “dirty” the patient is when admitted to treatment!!! To the point that I have had very reputable centers tell me NOT to try and stop my son from using before he checked in. From this day forward I plan on sending a letter a day to any congressman or official or newspaper or any office I can find about how backwards the whole damn process is!! No wonder so many addicts seeking help end up turning back to drugs because they can’t get any help!! And what about seriously poor people or people on the streets or the ones with no insurance??? No wonder this country has an opioid crisis??!! The doctors writing the prescriptions can’t be all to blame!!! The way the system is setup; people who TRULY want help can’t get it!!

I just bailed my son out of jail today (got arrested on Monday) and I am driving him to the airport in Atlanta to catch a 6 am flight to go back to treatment. I am not rich at all. Love paycheck to paycheck. Had to pay $2000 to hold the bed at the treatment center. He is still covered on my insurance, and most of the time there will be covered. But between 30 and 60 days the insurance will stop covering. At that time I will have to come up with the money. 30 to 60 days is NOT long enough...not for my son. And aftercare sober living places are expensive. I paid over $11k a couple of years ago during his last clean stint. But if I don’t come up with the $$ somehow; and keep him away from home; he will end up around the same dumb ass crowd and most likely relapse.

It’s just exhausting. Families are given just barely enough help to do any good; while others get absolutely no help. Hell at this point I NEED drugs to deal with this mess!! ( not really, just saying)

Ann

I will keep your son in my prayers, I too am the mother of an adult addict son.

I agree that the system is broken, more so depending where you live.

The Salvation Army program is long term ( 3 months to a year dependig on program) and is very good...and it is free. Maybe contact your Salvation Army and check this out.

Most times, the success of the program is directly related to the willingness of the person participating. If your son wants recovery, he will embrace it. If he doesn't, there is no program that will "make" him stay clean.

The programs give them a safe supportive place to get the drugs out of their system and teaches them how to avoid relapse when they leave. There are no money-back guarantees from any of them, it's up to the participant to use the tools and work hard at maintaining their recovery.

Now...about YOU. I know your pain, I have been where you are and a few things helped me find my balance and learn to live a healthy live...no matter how my son chose to live his.

Meetings saved my life, CoDA and Al-anon were my main meetings, Nar-anon and Christian groups have helped many as well as Family Support groups. I highly highly recommend going to several and find one that works for you, I promise you it will be worth the effort.

"Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie is the best book I have ever read about codependency and has been a main stay for many of us here. Also "The Language of Letting Go" by the same author (who is a recovering addict and also codependent (we call that a double winner) herself).

And coming to SR, for me it is 16 years now, first to learn, then to maintain my recovery and help newcomers find theirs, and now it is a daily part of my recovery practice.

Please do help yourself and encourage others in your family to perhaps find help too. Addiction truly is a family disease and we all need help.

Hugs from one mama's heart to another's.

cece

I could have quoted all of Ann's post because one she gives awesome advice and two, I also feel your pain. But the above statements are perfect advice so I will copy them.
I too know your pain and frustration with the system.
I have read enough and heard enough from mothers of addicts on here and at my meetings to know it is up to my child to be ready.
When they are ready, I will never fault a parent for their decisions in this process as to help financially with rehab or not. It's a tough one. turn to your higher power for direction and strength.
Keep reading all you can get your hands on!