Raindrops

I finally emerged today from a long long time of being down and in the dumps. I went out. Got some sun .
Spent the day with a friend. Then I get a call from a friend of mine in Boston to let me know that she had seen my husband there ( we are in the middle of our divorce)
I live in Texas. Anyway, the woman he apparantly was with was someone he used to work with and she recently moved to Boston. Ugh. He used to talk about her frequently. I have met her few times. I always thought it was inappropriate for him to talk about and know as many details about her as he did but it never crossed my mind that there could have been anything more to it until today. I hate what's happening. I want to cry about it . When does the pain end

Bekindalways

Welcome back into the sun if not yet out of the pain.

The pain does end but it takes time.

Please keep taking care of yourself. As you, no doubt, have realized, what you are going through is no joke. Stay in contact with friends; eat well; stay hydrated and let us know how you get on.

If there was a short cut out of the pain I would so tell you.

Courage to you lady.

Sailorgirl57

I bet it really hurt hearing that. I know from experience. Good thing you’re already on the track for divorce. Stay strong and love yourself like your life depended on it. It does.

trailmix

Raindrops, I'm so sorry for your pain. You mention in another thread that if you had heard this information even a day before you probably would have killed yourself. I know that's a really dark place to be in but I hope when those thoughts cross your mind you remember that after that 20 day severe depression there was some light at the end of the tunnel.

It can be almost impossible to see at times, I understand, but it will get better, just need to hold on.

Most important is to reach out to someone, a friend, a family member your Doctor - an Al-Anon meeting, grief or depression support group, a help-line, us here at SR, 911, walk in to an ER and ask for help.

I know you have been through the wringer, I understand, you have been abused and that can wring the strength out of you, but please know that there are people who care about you and when you need help they are there and we are too.

Hangnbyathread

Its called a divorce for a reason. You build your life on your own. So does he. I'm sorry this has caused you pain. For me it would be further confirmation I did the right thing.

Learning to let go is part of the reason you get divorces.

trailmix

I agree but this is all fresh too, the divorce isn't even final. Letting go, dealing with the gried is a process and different for everyone.

I'm sure there are good suggestions for just that, ways to look at it that are helpful perhaps?

NYCDoglvr

I would tell the friend I don't want to hear anything about the ex. Did she think it would cheer you up?

hopeful4

Sometimes people with good intentions tell you things that are not good for you to hear. I would tell everyone you are close to that you don't want any information on him at all. No contact and not hearing about him = no new hurts.

You are no alone. Keep posting.

Hangnbyathread

Yes men (not all) tend to handle these differently than women (not all) do. The point is neither of you should focus on how the other is conducting themselves to get through this. The chances that anything he is doing with her will last is statistically not favorable. In the end you can't be concerned about his actions. Nor do you need to worry about how he feels about yours.

I just point out that this should help you clarify that you are making the right choice for you. He obviously doesn't care about how it affects you, so it should be freeing for you to see his view about it.

I get what you're saying about grief. We all go through it differently. As I said I'm sorry you're struggling with it.

Maybe ask your friends to not share this type stuff with you? They obviously aren't helping you by sharing it.

If you didn't know, you'd feel better?

Edit: As I was typing this I see 2 others said the same thing at the same time. See we are trying to help you. :-)

theuncertainty

I'm so sorry, Raindrops. I completely understand how blindsiding this knowledge is. I was in the process of divorcing - hammering out visitation and custody issues - when I found out AXH cheated while we were still married. We were as done as can be while having a child together, but the knowledge that he could have (and did) cheat was devastating.

You're allowed to be angry about the betrayal. I believe that acknowledging it, and giving yourself permission to be angry, is the first step towards healing.

Wishing you peace and continued strength.

Kboys

Sorry you're going through this.
It is excruciatingly painful... even when you know the divorce is the right choice, it still hurts. My AH cheated on me when we were still together, and it hurt like nothing else I've ever felt...
We are now separated, and I'm pretty certain he has recently been spending drunk time with another woman or women (stayed at a motel on Saturday).
I think it hurts almost just as much as it did when we were together. It sucks.

I'm glad you're getting out into the sun and I hope you continue to.

I live in a small town, so it's almost impossible to not hear or see the things that my AH is doing...
Boston is a big city, and so far away from where you are. Seems like a crazy coincidence that your friend saw them.
And I agree with Hopeful that you should tell your friend you don't want to hear about it!

Hugs to you!!

HardLessons

Raindrops

I am very sorry for your situation. Also I do understand the pain you are experiencing.

Something that has helped me is just the acceptance that it's God's will as to why these things happen. A ton of crappy things happened in my relationship which are extremely painful. It brings me some amount of peace just accepting that its God's will being done.

As it did for me, time away from your situation will help to ease your pain.

I hope God brings you both peace & strength.