JMD143

Hi everyone. Im not sure that im doing this correctly. Never been part of a forum before. But ive been struggling through an off an on relationship, with a drug addict and alcoholic. He is also the father of my child, whom i love very much. But he makes me feel very anxious the way he treats me and the hurtful things he says. Then turns around and says he loves me. I have been forced to kick him out of our apartment because he was continuously lieing and hiding drug and alcohol use. I will not have that around our child. Through time he has been physically and verbally abusive as a result of drugs or drinking or withdrawing on some days. He has been living at his mothers for almost our childs whole life (7 months) because i will not tolerate an unhealthy enviornment for our child. His mother lets him live there for free, feeds him and chooses to turn a blind eye to his drug and alcohol use. His brother already passed away from a drug overdose. His family enables him so i dont know how i will ever get through to him to get help. He makes false promises to be better or get help and he always falls back on his word. I feel that he doesnt want sobriety bad enough. I have tried so many perspectives and the past few months all i can do is try to pull away from him in hopes that my absense will provoke a change. But its a cycle of false promises, lieing, verbal abuse. Then days of silence between us. I love him and i dont deserve to be treated badly and our child deserves a healthy and stable enviorment and i wont settle for any less. I have finally gotten to a strong point where i refuse to enable him. But I want him to be better so i can have a family with my childs real father. What do i do?

Anna

Welcome and I'm sorry for your situation. There is little you can do to convince your partner to change. He will need to decide that for himself. Abuse is never okay and almost always escalates. Please do what you need to do to protect yourself and your child. Here are our resources:


Domestic Abuse Defined

Abuse Defined - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies

Abuse information and support for every woman and every girl on Earth
Home « HotPeachPages International

National Domestic Abuse Hotline (US)
Home - The National Domestic Violence Hotline

Canada
Canada: domestic violence information « HotPeachPages International

UK: call Women’s Aid at 0808 2000 247.
https://www.qld.gov.au/community/get...-getting-help/
call 1800RESPECT at 1800 737 732.

Worldwide: visit International Directory of Domestic Violence Agencies for a global list of helplines and crisis center
Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network
800-655-Hope

FreeOwl

The person you describe doesn’t sound to me like a healthy partner or parent.

You sound to me like a person who may benefit from reading the book ‘co-dependent no more’.

I hope you will focus on your child and your parenting and your own wellness - and if he isn’t making clear and drastic changes in his life, I hope you’ll set strong both Boundaries and keep him out of yours.

D122y

Jmd,

Ime...you are spot on. The inconsistent and insane actions of an active addict are a nightmare to be stuck around.

My old friend is active. So are some of my family. I treat all of them with kit gloves and work to keep separation.

That is all I can do. Live and let live.

Your child is better not dealing w drunk/drugged parent. It will only mess the kids head up.

Thanks.