2kind4me

Hello. I’m new to this and don’t trust my own responses. Feedback would be great! First, this is the family of my best friend from childhood until I was preparing for divorce 6 years ago. At that tine, I felt my bf was not at all supportive of my need to divorce my husband or understanding of the limits of my lifestyle after that. She was demanding of my presence and time in a way that I couldn’t fulfill so the friendship ended. We have had distant contact since then. I attended one family event but that’s about it. My mother remains in close contact w her and her mother. So the crisis is that her step-brother is dying on the same day that her brother tragically died about 16 years ago.
My question is: Do I reach out? I do not have the affection to genuinely express or, quite frankly the time to drop everything and go to them. If it is apparent that I am triggered by this, it’s true although I feel bad about that.
Ok thanks for any feedback.
2kind

dandylion

2kind4me.....such is life, that time brings life changes for all of us....and relationships can change as life circumstances do. I understand how odd it can feel....I think, that, when we are youngish...we have the fantasy that everybody will stay in the same place in our lives...exactly the same and with the same intensity. for most of us that simply isn't possible.
I can only give you my suggestion...based on what I would do....(lol I know I am not you)....
I have found that flowers....total white, with green foliage...along with a nice handwritten card (can be sent separately)....One can think of some expressions of caring and condolence to write into the card. I know that in my difficult times, like this...ever card...every flower....meant soo much......

SmallButMighty

I think this is a "trust your gut" situation.

Expressing your concern and support does not mean you have to drop everything in your own life to rush to their sides.

Then again, if you don't actually care, what would be your reason for reaching out?

Ladybird579

Do I reach out? I do not have the affection to genuinely express or, quite frankly the time to drop everything and go to them.

No then. You do not have the affection for them anymore...life has gone by and you are now distant. You are not required to drop everything for anyone no matter who they are , never mind people you no longer have any close contact with. I have found this in my own life. People I have moved away from have had close relatives die but I did nothing. I am no longer part of their story.

hopeful4

This. You can definitely support someone without having to drop you own life and rush to them.

2kind4me

First thanks for your amazing and direct responses. I have no one in my life right now to do this. Second, you have helped me to think through my reaction. It’s not that I don’t care, but as you pointed out, these folks are not in my life anymore. I think I felt pressured and judged by my mother who called me about this incident. I love the idea of sending flowers and a text. I will probably attend the wake. I’ll leave the rest to be as it is.
Thanks again to all

velma929

All you can do is maybe write her a note along the lines of "This is so tragic, and I'm sorry it's happening to you. You're in my thoughts and prayers."

It is tragic, even if it's happening to someone you don't know. And she is in your thoughts.