Flinders39

I’m posting here because drinking is not an option. Repeats - Not. An. Option.

Where do I start?

I’ve struggled with anorexia/ bulimia since I was 15 (hospitalized repeatedly over the years). When I was in my early 20s I discovered that drinking suppressed my appetite - well, all that did was give me another problem which blossomed into full-blown alcoholism, broken bones, blackouts, fights with friends/ loved ones etc...

Almost nine months ago I quit drinking cold turkey. I just woke up one morning and decided never to drink again. At my seventh month sober I decided to give therapy another shot.

This time completely sober - no eating disorder/ booze as my crutch. Now that I’m not numb anymore I’m starting to feel things I’ve never felt before.

So I bit the bullet and went.

I’ve been seeing this woman for five weeks. I initially got a weird vibe from her - like she wasn’t interested in treating me ... she dismissed the issues I was bringing up... but I kept going to see her.

Today, she told me that she felt like I was keeping something from her.

She’s right. I am.

Mainly because I don’t trust her (yet). So she told me that she was going to refer me to someone else on her “list.”

So I told her.

It’s something that happened to me when I was 12. It’s also something I never told anyone. After I told her she said, “it sounds to me that you liked it.”

I felt like I was kicked in my stomach. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t speak. I have no words.

I want to drink so badly.

MindfulMan

Not sure what "it" is, but that doesn't sound like an appropriate response from a therapist.

Grimes

Ive had three alcohol counselors in my time, the first was more of a government employee therapist at the mental health unit after a drunken night. By far the worst of the bunch. The other two I met were very nice. One told me that not everyone you meet is good at their job.

least

Drinking 'at' her won't hurt her but it will hurt you.

I hope you don't give in to that destructive urge.

Anna

I think I know what you are talking about and her response was horrible and inappropriate. It really sounds like this woman is not a good fit for you, and may not be a good fit for anyone.

I'm sure it's been hard to face your demons and open up, all while sober. It IS very hard, but it's also very necessary for you to heal and be well.

Have you considered finding a new therapist?

bluedog97

I too have something from my past that I have gotten drunk over many times. Funny thing, the booze never took it away, but only piled on a whole host of other problems.

9 months is great! There’s a saying “Life on life’s terms” that I think applies here. I hope you decide to face this head on and not drink over it.

As far as the therapist, I might go back one more time and ask him/her to clarify. If you’re still not satisfied, find a new therapist.

time2shineagain

I'm so sorry that she said this to you, but please don't drink over it. Obviously I don't have all the details but from what you've said it sounds like victim blaming and is completely inappropriate. Big hugs flinders ❤❤❤

And congrats on your sober time 🎉🎉

Flinders39

I’m sorry if I was vague - not my intention. I was referring to child abuse. I just can’t imagine any human being let alone a trained professional responding that way.
I didn’t mishear or misinterpret her - I listen and ask questions for a living (journalist) so, at this point I’m terrified to start again with someone else.

Dee74

Definitely a new therapist required - and a professional complaint made, Flinders.
That response is so unacceptable in so many many ways.

Don't let someone elses fundamental lack of humanity force you to drink or stop you from looking for help.


D

Flinders39

Thanks everyone :-)
I’m finding it so hard to process her words. It’s terrifying to deal with these issues sans booze/ eating disorder(s). I just don’t know what to do with this — those words are my biggest fear/ nightmare come true.

Flinders39

Thanks, Dee.
I took the first step in finding another therapist, but not before I sent this email to my current one:

“After giving it very little contemplation I’ve decided that you’re the wrong person to treat me.

I wish I could thank you for trying.

Onward.”

I think that pretty much sums it up. Again, drinking is absolutely NOT an option tonight. Rinse, repeat.