Day 23 and counting
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 1
Day 23 and counting
I’ve tried a dry month here and there over the last three years to try and calm down whatever was driving me to destroy my life with alcohol. I always knew this wasn’t the solution, but happy I came here to find a way to stick with permanent sobriety. It’s a daunting prospect, but I can’t wait to feel the rewards of this much needed lifestyle change. There’s a lot of reassuring stories and info here to turn to when doubt strikes.
Right now I’m wondering when I will have my face back to how I remember it- happy and fresh? I just look tired although I guess I am 36?
I am also wondering how people go out on dates without alcohol. I haven’t really been dating and a friend told me she went on at least 58 tinder dates before meeting someone great. If not with a drink on hand, how??! Blindfolded perhaps- I am not looking fwd! I am waiting to take a selfie for my Tinder profile after the alcohol bloat disappears from my face, whenever that will come to pass. I was at a holiday party in December and this man hitting on me literally told me he could see the alcohol bloat in my face. Mostly around the eyes he said “but that I still managed to be hot so it was cool.” Ugh! I really had to sass him on that one, but the truth still stung. Even now.
Anyway, I got asked out at a coffee shop last week by someone I had seen around professionally. We met a few days later at a friend’s opening. Both of us drank seltzer w/ lime, though funny enough I didn’t ask why he was abstaining also. We talked about bitters, which I was wondering- is it ok to be sober and have bitters?? Swedish digestive bitters? Angostura’s? Underberg? aren’t they alcohol? What is the rule on that one?
I can’t say we hit it off completely. Well yes, he literally ran away from me at the end of the evening after walking me home, BUT I still think it was a successful date insofar that I made the heroic effort of meeting a stranger without the company of a glass of wine, and we both stuck it out a few hours talking. With seltzer. Extra gold stars for having met in person and not on an app I think also.
Well so socializing I think has always been where I’ve failed in the past to break my bad habits. I can stay home and drink tea and read for a good while, but I am still trying to figure out how to hang with friends and for instance take long walks, rather than meet for drinks all the time. A work in progress. I don’t know if it’s a crutch or a commitment to a full life makeover, but I also started a 3 month Candida cleanse to make this whole transition easier. I’ve had to change ALL my habits and having the cleanse makes it at least easy to talk about or not talk about drinking with casual acquaintances. I’ve told three friends what I’ve decided about being sober, perhaps not even this clearly. But enough. That I’m putting the kibosh on the party.
I was a little horrified when one friend’s response was to poo-poo my mission. She was like, “but you’re so fun when there’s wine involved.” I guess she doesn’t understand what a problem it’s become for me as like I gather here, I am more or less trying to disguise to myself and others all the time just how much I am drinking. And negotiating all the time when it’s too much or not enough. Is it ok to have one more glass? If at dinner w/ others, wondering if they counted how many glasses I drank whilst they stopped at one. Or alone working, whose to notice if I finish this bottle except me? And as long as I’m functioning at a high level in all the things I do, and still keeping it together, then it’s still fine. Exhausting! So much wasted brain space.
I just don’t know when it happened, but stress certainly made me feel like their was never enough alcohol some days. I think also because I’m Scandinavian, I have a high tolerance that in the end worked against me, and I hadn’t even had a beer until the last year of college. I never thought of myself as susceptible to spiraling out of control. I clearly self-sabotaged though, I think when I started using alcohol to self-soothe. So wrong!!! Every time I thought I was calming myself down, it only made me feel more anxious, stressed, and unhappy. Nevermind, the decision fatigue of when, where, how much is ok. Etc. It’s just not ok! Period.
I’m so over it!
Well not really.
After 30 days? 60? Who knows.
Anyway, in the spirit of openness and sharing, sharing my thoughts here. I am really, really looking forward to feeling calm, vibrant, and happy, but not quite there yet! Still anxious, hence this long rambling post. Happy to read all the things everyone else has contributed!
Right now I’m wondering when I will have my face back to how I remember it- happy and fresh? I just look tired although I guess I am 36?
I am also wondering how people go out on dates without alcohol. I haven’t really been dating and a friend told me she went on at least 58 tinder dates before meeting someone great. If not with a drink on hand, how??! Blindfolded perhaps- I am not looking fwd! I am waiting to take a selfie for my Tinder profile after the alcohol bloat disappears from my face, whenever that will come to pass. I was at a holiday party in December and this man hitting on me literally told me he could see the alcohol bloat in my face. Mostly around the eyes he said “but that I still managed to be hot so it was cool.” Ugh! I really had to sass him on that one, but the truth still stung. Even now.
Anyway, I got asked out at a coffee shop last week by someone I had seen around professionally. We met a few days later at a friend’s opening. Both of us drank seltzer w/ lime, though funny enough I didn’t ask why he was abstaining also. We talked about bitters, which I was wondering- is it ok to be sober and have bitters?? Swedish digestive bitters? Angostura’s? Underberg? aren’t they alcohol? What is the rule on that one?
I can’t say we hit it off completely. Well yes, he literally ran away from me at the end of the evening after walking me home, BUT I still think it was a successful date insofar that I made the heroic effort of meeting a stranger without the company of a glass of wine, and we both stuck it out a few hours talking. With seltzer. Extra gold stars for having met in person and not on an app I think also.
Well so socializing I think has always been where I’ve failed in the past to break my bad habits. I can stay home and drink tea and read for a good while, but I am still trying to figure out how to hang with friends and for instance take long walks, rather than meet for drinks all the time. A work in progress. I don’t know if it’s a crutch or a commitment to a full life makeover, but I also started a 3 month Candida cleanse to make this whole transition easier. I’ve had to change ALL my habits and having the cleanse makes it at least easy to talk about or not talk about drinking with casual acquaintances. I’ve told three friends what I’ve decided about being sober, perhaps not even this clearly. But enough. That I’m putting the kibosh on the party.
I was a little horrified when one friend’s response was to poo-poo my mission. She was like, “but you’re so fun when there’s wine involved.” I guess she doesn’t understand what a problem it’s become for me as like I gather here, I am more or less trying to disguise to myself and others all the time just how much I am drinking. And negotiating all the time when it’s too much or not enough. Is it ok to have one more glass? If at dinner w/ others, wondering if they counted how many glasses I drank whilst they stopped at one. Or alone working, whose to notice if I finish this bottle except me? And as long as I’m functioning at a high level in all the things I do, and still keeping it together, then it’s still fine. Exhausting! So much wasted brain space.
I just don’t know when it happened, but stress certainly made me feel like their was never enough alcohol some days. I think also because I’m Scandinavian, I have a high tolerance that in the end worked against me, and I hadn’t even had a beer until the last year of college. I never thought of myself as susceptible to spiraling out of control. I clearly self-sabotaged though, I think when I started using alcohol to self-soothe. So wrong!!! Every time I thought I was calming myself down, it only made me feel more anxious, stressed, and unhappy. Nevermind, the decision fatigue of when, where, how much is ok. Etc. It’s just not ok! Period.
I’m so over it!
Well not really.
After 30 days? 60? Who knows.
Anyway, in the spirit of openness and sharing, sharing my thoughts here. I am really, really looking forward to feeling calm, vibrant, and happy, but not quite there yet! Still anxious, hence this long rambling post. Happy to read all the things everyone else has contributed!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2018
Posts: 3
I'm just hitting 21 days here. I have been having a lot of the same thoughts you've been having. I've 39 and I've noticed my face has gotten a lot less red and dry than it used to be but isn't quite back to looking healthy either. I've been telling myself that it took years of abuse for it to get in the shape it's been, so it won't get better overnight. Doesn't stop me from waking up every morning and running to look in the mirror kind of half hoping that the redness is all gone, though 
I've found that using shea butter at night is helping quite a bit. I've also found that like you I've taken to drinking flavored seltzer water. I've been buying it by the case. I used to sit at my desk after work drinking beer, now I sit here sipping on seltzer waters and adding my own flavorings to them. I have to say at least that after a couple of seltzer waters with lime juice I'm not waking up the next morning worrying if I made an off color remark on someone's Facebook post at least.
Lastly, I'm learning not to be discouraged when friends offer me a drink or remind me that I used to have fun drinking. They only saw the me at the bar or the party when I was maybe having a little fun drinking. They never saw the darker side of it when I went home after the party or night out and kept drinking and they never saw how bad I felt so many mornings after. Here's to 21 and 23 days and many more and here's to learning how to socialize, date and live life sober again!
I've found that using shea butter at night is helping quite a bit. I've also found that like you I've taken to drinking flavored seltzer water. I've been buying it by the case. I used to sit at my desk after work drinking beer, now I sit here sipping on seltzer waters and adding my own flavorings to them. I have to say at least that after a couple of seltzer waters with lime juice I'm not waking up the next morning worrying if I made an off color remark on someone's Facebook post at least.
Lastly, I'm learning not to be discouraged when friends offer me a drink or remind me that I used to have fun drinking. They only saw the me at the bar or the party when I was maybe having a little fun drinking. They never saw the darker side of it when I went home after the party or night out and kept drinking and they never saw how bad I felt so many mornings after. Here's to 21 and 23 days and many more and here's to learning how to socialize, date and live life sober again!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2018
Location: Stockport/Greater Manchester/Cheshire
Posts: 911
Funny 36 is not old, I thin Linfpord Christie became Olympic 100m champion at around that age. Evander Holyfield heavy weight boxing champ etc.
I suppose if you carry on drinking you are about half way through your life. If you could call it a life being a drinker.
If I were you I would carry on with your new life that will be massively improved and most likely prolonged.
Don’t be so hard on your looks, your body is doing a great job of repairing its self.
The liver takes about 30 days on average.
All the new things the brain is having to process while rewiring.
This will be making you tired.
The fact you are 36 works in your favour.
Get rest when you need it.
There’s work to be done.
You can do this.
P.s I tried to quit at 35 , i wish I knew about SR then.
I would have had the support and info I needed to make it.
Took me another 6 years on the not so merry go round.
I suppose if you carry on drinking you are about half way through your life. If you could call it a life being a drinker.
If I were you I would carry on with your new life that will be massively improved and most likely prolonged.
Don’t be so hard on your looks, your body is doing a great job of repairing its self.
The liver takes about 30 days on average.
All the new things the brain is having to process while rewiring.
This will be making you tired.
The fact you are 36 works in your favour.
Get rest when you need it.
There’s work to be done.
You can do this.
P.s I tried to quit at 35 , i wish I knew about SR then.
I would have had the support and info I needed to make it.
Took me another 6 years on the not so merry go round.
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