steve202020

Hi guys,

I thought I'd give this a try as a way to connect with other people going through this. It's been very interesting to read some of the other posts.

I wouldn't say I'm a daily alcoholic but I have been a binge drinker for a quite a few years now. I hate the way I can be sometimes when heavily under the influence. I've never been violent but I've sometimes said some pretty awful things to my wife when drunk and last Friday I told her to f.. off and then realised it was actually my five year old daughter who had woken up because I had fallen over.

I was so disgusted with myself when I woke up and I want this to be the turning point in my life where I give up alcohol for good. I have had periods in the past where I've managed to abstain, for example, when my wife was pregnant and for two years after my daughter was born I didn't touch a drop.

One problem is that my wife likes a drink or two now and again and she doesn't have a problem with it. I can't expect her to give up something she enjoys just because of my issues with it. But I think the reason I started drinking again last time was because it was just around the house too much and I started forgetting about why I gave it up in the first place. She even encouraged me to have a couple of drinks now and again.

My father was an alcoholic who went to rehab and I just think, maybe I am of the same ilk. Even when he quit drinking after rehab, he still had relapses from time to time and I have some pretty bad childhood memories of seeing him unconscious, or coming home late and with facial injuries from fighting, or verbally attacking my Mum etc.

I also do some really dumb stuff when drunk, like occasionally take drugs if around friends who are using and offer my some, smoke cigarettes, say things I don't mean, do things out of character etc. I hate the way I can be and this can then fuel depression which is another thing I have had to battle throughout my life.

Anyway, I haven't had a drink since last Friday and I've told my wife that I am desperate to give it up and she has agreed to not have any alcohol in front of me for a few weeks so I can hopefully build up some momentum and mental strength to be strong. I've told my friends who have not taken it so well and say I am over-reacting but if necessary I'll stop hanging around with them as none of them have any kids and they don't understand how it can be to have the responsibility of raising a young child.

I'm 36 and I'm tired. Tired of getting drunk twice a week and feeling rough the next day and feeling depressed. Of wasting the weekend and then going back to work on Monday having not spent quality time with my wife and daughter who I love very much, because I've either been drunk in the evening or hung over and lethargic during the daytime.

Anyway, I'm hoping to get some inspiration by reading through the forums.

One question though: would anyone reccomend the occasional use of benzodiazipines? I did try SSRI's a few years ago for depression but do not want to go that route again. But I've heard 'benzoes' can be good for short term use if battling alcohol addiction.

Maudcat

Hi, steve.
Welcome.
Can’t speak to benzos, I’m afraid.
Maybe your doctor could help?
You will find lots of support here.
You might consider joining the March class here.
It’s a support thread for the newly sober and those wishing to quit.
Peace.

Nonsensical

Welcome. Congratulations on your decision to lead a happy sober life!

I know nothing about benzoes, but if you didn't need them when you were sober for 2 years, why do you think you need them now?

Best of Luck on Your Journey.

entropy1964

Benzos are generally only used for detox with alcoholics. Because of the highly addictive nature (they are really just alcohol in pill form) alcoholics have a high risk of cross addicting. And from what I've heard quitting them is brutal...far harder than alcohol. So unless you're detoxing under medical care I don't recommend it.

Benzo's are completely different from SSRI's. If you have clinical, diagnosed depression or anxiety I think that route is much safer and more effective. Again, you need a good psychiatrist/counselor to work with you to diagnose. Alcoholism can also mimic and /or exacerbate mental illness symptoms. So it take a few months to start to even out....to really know where does the alcoholism end and true mental illness begin.

biminiblue

I took benzos. Never again. Indeed they are alcohol in a pill.

Maybe as a one-week aid to quitting drinking, as a necessary medication? I don't know, I quit drinking by tapering, I was NOT going to have a benzo ever again.


I had been sober 15 years when I was prescribed benzos for anxiety due to a job. Within months I was drinking again and it took me nearly seven years to quit again. It's far too easy to get back into the mindset of, "I'll put this in my mouth and I'll feel better." Not only, "better," but fuzzy and comfortable, like with alcohol.

I had to get off the xanax before I could quit drinking. Ugh. What a terrible battle to get straight again.

Nopenopenopenope. Never again. I would have been far better off to change jobs.

Gottalife

I have heard Bimini's story from so many others. I am happy to learn from their mistakes. I won't take anything along those lines if I can possibly avoid it. I don't want to add to my problems, and that is very much the risk. Some of those medications can trigger the alcoholic craving in people many years sober. That scares the BJ out of me.

steve202020

Thanks for the info everyone.

Yeah, I've been reading about the benzoes today and it does seem a bit risky. It's tempting to try them but I know there will probably be a price to pay if I go down that route.

Jonathon Davis the singer from Korn ended up in rehab because of Xanax, I was just reading about it. He used them to help him beat his alcohol addiction but then became addicted to the medication.

I think I just need to not take anything- no alcohol and no pills of any kind. There is no easy way out I guess and I'm going to have to find the mental strength from somewhere without any artificial aid. At least I know I can do it for a few years as I have done it before. Getting through the first three months will be the hardest time for me though......

I am going to start taking my daughter to the swimming pool every other day, and join a gym asap.

Unfortunately I'm going to have to distance myself from some friends again as I can't deal with temptation until I've got a bit of momentum.

Are there any other useful tools that we have at our disposal? Any suggestions of things that I could try that have worked for any of you?

Thanks again

jhonnyspa

Hi
Well done by staying sober and continuing your journey, Regarding benzos as Nonsensical says if you did not need them before in order to stay sober why would you need them Now?
I suggest you read the professor Aston report on benzodiazepine and withdrawal from them as she is a world-renowned expert on this topic. https://www.benzo.org.uk/manual/I
I had lots of friends who died from benzodiazepine and some from mixing them with alcohol as it stops the gag reflex as it is a muscle relaxant and you can choke on your own vomit.Another friend lost his mind from years of abusing these and he tried to cut off both his legs with a saw he eventually died from a brain hemorrhage.Myself when I took them with alcohol lead to numerous arrests, and blackouts.
In my opinion, some doctors prescribe them too easily, and in my opinion, a good doctor would only prescribe them after consulting with an addiction specialist and see,s that the patient attend counseling and/or AA.
I would also ask yourself are you looking to replace the buzz of alcohol with a pill?
Moreover, as the other good folk said it is best to consult a specialist Doctor in the field of addiction or psychiatric medicine before you take these pills.

Dee74

Hi steve202020

many of our members live with spouses who drink, some alcoholically...its hard, but not a dealbreaker - many of them are securely sober despite their domestic circumstances

we can share our experiences here in a general way but we can't give you medical advice here on what to take or what not to take or how to take it - that kinda stuff really needs to come from your Dr.

D

lessgravity

Welcome and nice work finding your way here. I feel like I can relate in many ways to what you've described.

I'm 40 now and finally fully committed to life sober. I wish I quit 4 years ago, so I'm hoping you find the strength. There is much wisdom in this site.

One thing I was often asked that I didn't care for in the beginning, but makes much sense now is - what is your plan?

Read up on this site. And keep posting.

goodbyeevan

Plans are great, I second less's question. I bought a notebook and took up 10 pages writing my triggers, my wellness and action plans, etc. It helps when the AV is getting loud or when boredom begins to gnaw at me.

I took benzos to help with the shakes and panic attacks I would have from withdrawals. The benzos made it easier not to quit. When i actually quit, i let my body feel the pain and didn't take anything. It's helped me remember why i don't go back. I would definitely discuss with your doctor and be careful if you do.

rascalwhiteoak

Quitting drinking will definitely show who your real friends are vs. drinking buddies. You're making a smart choice.

In the early days, I tried a little of everything in my plan — what has stuck a year later is SR, exercise, sobriety podcasts and reading. Read around here, get some ideas, and see what works for you.

least

Benzoes are usually only given for short times for detox, to soothe the anxiety. Not long enough to get addicted to them, just for acute withdrawal.

I hope our support can help you get sober for good.

steve202020

Thanks again for the replies.

Well, I got through the last two nights (which are the two nights where I normally get drunk) without going to the pub and I've managed my first week completely sober and without a drop of alcohol.

I woke up at 6:30am today feeling great and I'm taking my daughter swimming soon (without a hangover) and then going for a hike with a work colleague whom I know is not much of a drinker.

I can already see the benefits of not drinking.

However, I know this is very early days.

My wife has been great so far in that she likes to have a couple of drinks on a Friday night but she didn't have any last night in support of me. I can't expect this ti continue forever though.

I really appreciate all the comments, especially about the benzodiazpines. A lot of the comments verify a lot of the information I've been reading up on and I think it is too risky to try taking them. I think my body needs to be free of all chemicals like this. Maybe I was thinking it would be easier to give up drinking with some meds but I think there is just no easy way for this.

I've discovered some useful tools through reading these forums that could help me. Podcasts and audiobooks (I can sometimes listen to at work) was something I hadn't thought about before for example. I might also need to take a break from some of the music I listen to and listen to something different that isn't/hasn't been assosciated with my drinking.

I'm going to keep reading as many posts on this site as possible as it has been inspiring so far.

Thanks again

steve202020

[QUOTE=rascalwhiteoak;6833485]Quitting drinking will definitely show who your real friends are vs. drinking buddies. You're making a smart choice.

Thanks. I think I've already found out a few things about people just from their reactions. My wife has been supportive. A couple of friends have rolled their eyes and said I'm overreacting. I've had comments like 'you're not going to stop drinking forever though are you? Be serious.'

When someone says something like that it is quite demoralizing. I HAVE to believe that I'm giving up alcohol forever if I have any chance of doing this. If I start thinking that I'm only taking a break from it then I won't last long being sober.....

I also had a text last night from a friend at the pub saying I was missed

Dee74

usually the disparaging comments come from those who don't want a light shone on their drinking habits.

You've identified a problem and you're doing something about it. That's a good thing

D

Zebra1275

I'm 36 and I'm tired. Tired of getting drunk twice a week

I'm glad you recognize this as a problem. When I was 36 I probably was legally drunk every Friday and Saturday night, but I hid it pretty well. An additional problem was that I drank a few drinks to relax the other 5 nights of the week.

Alcoholism is progressive, I'm glad you are making the decision to stop drinking.

Stride34

I guess there are worse things someone could write, but sounds more like a drinking buddy than a real friend...

Keep it up