chowchow

I still have this fear and anxiety and I am not sure what it is about. I am sure though that I was drinking to try to minimize it even though as soon as the alcohol high wore off the fear and anxiety came back with a vengeance. I was laying in my bed every morning just terrified but I couldn't stay there because I was too afraid to be with that fear.

Now having some days/weeks behind me it hasn't gone away. A lot of it was health related and concern about what the alcohol was doing to my body even though I was very fit. But I noticed my blood pressure went up. It has decreased significantly and is about 100/60 now.

I've noticed I don't want to go home. I try to think of ways to pick up my daughter and do things that help me avoid going home and having time on my hands, I do a lot of walking. I don;t want to be around my husband which is very mean of me.

I won't drink today. I suppose if that is the one achievement I have for the day it is good enough.

Dee74

Have you considered seeing someone about the anxiety chowchow?

D

chowchow

Yes, I have an appointment set up with a therapist. One person in AA said she had anxiety for a full year after she stopped drinking and then it went away. A year seems like a long time to deal with it.

Thanks for asking.

Berrybean

I can't remember if you've mentioned whether you've got yourself a sponsor and are doing the 12-step recovery work. That's when my anxiety subsided (I dragged it out a good 6 months or slightly more before becoming desperate enough to find the willingness to do that though).

Anxiety can be scary in itself (quite physical in manifestation). I honestly felt like it could kill me at times. Breathing exercises that my doc showed me were very useful, and I've also heard folk mention the app Flowy , although I bet there are others that do the same.

Some relationships can seem like extra hard work in early sobriety. This gets better as we work on our recovery. One day at a time. Maybe just try to have the conversation with him so he understands that you just need a but more quiet / alone time at the moment but it won't be like that forever. And reassure him that he hasn't done anything wrong (if this is the case), or talk to him if there are specific issues that could be sorted out by doing this. Not in a confrontational way. Just letting him know how he can support you, so that he's not left playing guessing games.

Hope you feel better soon.

BB

2ndhandrose

(((chowchow)))

Everyone is different, so 1 year may not be your timeline.

I had anxiety, depression, health fears, etc by the bucketsful, in early recovery. I am not saying that to scare you but, to say that it is not out of the norm to feel this way.

The fantastic part of my story....it passes. It passes and it gets better. Everything gets better.

It is great for you to be seeing a therapist and utilizing whatever support helps you to continue on your sober path.

This is one of those endeavours where 'it won't be easy, but it will be sooooooo worth it'.

Spence7471

My wife has anxiety... part of the reason for her drug use... her psychiatrist put her on some anti-anxiety medicine and it has helped her tremendously... although she still has her days.

As for having time on you hands, what my wife has done is develop a daily schedule (makes it the night before or the morning of). It details her day and makes sure she does not have too many "idle" spots during her day. Where she has "idle" spot that are of significant duration, she shifts he schedule where possible, or pads it with other chores, so she can attend meetings or do those other chores.

I am sure you would benefit from both of the above. You have nothing to lose by trying.

ScottFromWI

I am diagnosed with GAD and health anxiety. I did not seek professional help for it until almost 2 years after quitting. Looking back I really wish I would have done so much sooner, because anxiety is a very treatable and livable condition. Glad to hear you have an appointment scheduled with a counselor.

DarklingSong

Chow chow, I has unbearable anxiety for about 90-100 days......it really eased up after that. Now it just comes and goes when I am triggered by something. Hope it eases up for you soon.

golfreggie

Hi,, when I was "new" my sponsor told me that no matter what "happened" in a day, if I did not take a drink to consider myself a "miracle". Alcoholics are supposed to be drunk! When we aren't, it is a miracle. I clung to that as I grew in recovery, a new way of living that become "other centered" instead of "self centered" Keep on keepin on and as others have suggested, some professional help is a good thing.

Stride34

This can be a result of past buried emotional trauma. Maybe not the kind from war or other things, but extreme shame, guilt, ect. It gets buried very deep.

Good thing is when you face it head on and no longer numb or distract from the painful feelings, take proper self care in diet, exercise, sleep, and get treatment (therapy and/or meds)...anxiety is totally healable...and much faster than you might think.

BrodyCrystal4

Hang in there, Chow. It gets better.

The fear and anxiety is very common. I had it too. I used to almost never flinch when a startling noise or scene in a scary movie came about. Alcohol definitely changed that for me - psychologically and physiologically. Any addictive substance changes the way your brain manages its pleasure centers and it's neurotransmitters. The brain has a way of snapping back into place over time, but the longer it gets used to depending on the substance, the longer it takes to remember how it is supposed to be running things. Just try to remind yourself that a large part of what you are feeling is false; an illusion. Your brain is using another (dirty) trick to get more alcohol - a short term solution that ultimately sets you back further.

Therapy can help. Relaxing and comforting things like soft music, warm tea, or just a quiet moment in a park can help. A little meditation can help, even if it's just closing your eyes, counting the seconds between deep breaths in and out, and blocking out all the intrusive thoughts (this may take practice - do not be discouraged, it's a skill). Working out helps in this regard too - blocking out all but the repetitive movement.

One thing you can do to keep yourself busy is accrue a few AA contacts that you just check in on periodically. I will never comprehend how it works, but I can personally attest that conversation with another alcoholic about our shared plight can mysteriously minimize the severity of withdrawl symptoms (not that it's a substitute for medical treatment in severe cases - that **** can kill ya). It's freaky. Give it a try. But of course, if you're having panic attacks, seeing a doctor may be helpful.