whatsgoingon

I’ve been coming on this forum so long I don’t think I can be classed as newcomer anymore. That said, my attempts at sobriety keep failing so I have a lot to learn.

In past 6 months I’ve tried and failed 5 or 6 times to stop drinking. I’m not in control of my own mind. I know it’s wrong but something in my brain makes me drink. I can go all day not thinking about and then suddenly on my way home I’ll drive to the supermarket and buy booze. I don’t need any excuse and my mind will always manufacture a valid reason why it’s ok to drink. Sometimes I enjoy drinking and I convince myself that I don’t have a problem. I love the ‘romance’ of drinking. A few pints with my mates, a glass of wine with my wife etc etc. Thing is those days are gone, I can’t just have a glass of wine. I probably don’t drink a huge amount compared to a lot of people but my relationship with booze is all wrong. I drink to get drunk.

I think maybe my brain is wired to want a drink and it’s very difficult to resist. I need to be careful, I’m now 43 and health is something I can no longer take for granted. I don’t want to have a heart attack or get cancer. I need to look after myself. Let’s be realistic here, drinking is not enjoyable anymore. I do it to get numb and have ‘that’ feeling. I drink alone and in secret. I’ve become really good at hiding it as well.

The last month personally has not been good. My father in law passed away suddenly and life has been really chaotic. Obviously I have been sad that he passed away but inevitably I have used this as an excuse to drink.

Not sure why I posting on here again. I never listen to the advice I receive. I guess I just need to tell someone what I’m going through and as I don’t have that, you guys are the next best thing.

Gottalife

If when you drink, you have little control over the amount you take, or if, when you really want to, you are unable to stope entirely (and stay stopped) you may be alcoholic.

I suggest you sit down with a recovered alcoholic from AA, look at their experience and compare it to your own. If it gels, take a look at the AA program of recovery.

02022018

I will just say. Me too.

I have tried for years to stop. Been on here off and on a couple of years.

I generally drink to get drunk.

For me, I don't even understand how people socially drink - drink 1 glass of wine at dinner or have drinks after work - 1 or 2 beers. Maybe because I just don't like the stuff.

Finalround

Your story sounds very familiar to mine. In my 40's and realized I was drinking just to get drunk. I am 28 days sober and feel great. Try checking in daily and posting to get started. The support and answers will be helpful to come up with a plan. Make the decision to quit. Make it known to yourself that you have no control over alcohol. You can do this.

Rar

I was the same way. I would wake up in the morning, feel like crap and vow not to drink that day. Well, we all know that we perk up throughout the day and then the drinking starts again. When I quit this last time, I happened to count the number of beers I had already drank. The number astounded me and I wasn't even feeling drunk. I said, "Enough!" and poured all the cans of my beer out. I felt at that time, it was my window of opportunity and I better grab it. I don't know why I felt so strong then when there were many mornings I vowed to not drink. Maybe we all get that window, but just choose to not see it.

ScottFromWI

I've noticed that - you have basically come here with the same issue multiple times, but so have many others.

Perhaps it's time to choose outside help instead of trying to do it all yourself? By that I mean some kind of structured recovery program, rehab, counseling, something to get you some accountability?

August252015

Said kindly, I completely agree with Scott. What good is posting here in an endless cycle? When what I wasn't doing "at life" was way beyond not working, I finally stopped drinking and started living differently.

So, I hope you join us in your plan of action that you keep sharing with us. You can quit. It sounds like whether you are an alcoholic or not, quitting can only benefit your life in every way.

NerfThis

I'm the same, although it varies. I posted on here a few weeks ago as I'd had an insane binge for days. I'd been dry all through January, then went for brunch with friends in Feb which turned into me continuing to drink for three days straight. I was basically very very drunk from Saturday to Tuesday, so I ended up posting on here.

Mine always seem to start with the romance of it (some fun drinks with friends) but just plummets into getting wasted on my own for a few more days.

Since I posted on here I had a weekend where I had a couple of drinks with my husband and didn't get drunk. Positive couple of weeks going to my figure drawing class, regular gym, been to some museum exhibitions. But this weekend yet again started with the romance of it (We went to see Black Panther and both had a couple of drinks in the cinema) then went on to a bar and I only had one drink the entire time. I got home and suddenly just wanted to be drunk, so I started drinking heavily until the early hours. Drank again on Sunday and yesterday (had to message my husband yesterday to warn him that I'd been drinking so much during the day) so today am just sitting here sober and depressed trying to understand why I will sometimes have complete control and other times I lose myself and just drink massive amounts purely to get drunk. At the cinema I drank a cocktail because it tasted nice, not because I'd be drunk from it. Then at home suddenly just 'Wanted to be drunk' out of nowhere.

It's just a frustrating and depressing cycle and I think when it gets to this point, outside help is the best option as it's clearly not something we can understand or solve on our own.

Komplex

Best of luck to you Nerf This. Things can definitely get better. I have been in a similar endless cycle for many years. I have 40 days sober today. I found great help here, with my doctor, and at AA.

NerfThis

Thank you Komplex and congratulations on 40 days! That is really impressive.

A drinking issue can feel like such a lonely experience, but thankfully forums like this help people to understand that they are not alone and it is something you can combat and win against. Sadly for me I'm still stuck in the frustrating cycle, but am hopeful that eventually I can get out of it.

tomsteve

I think maybe my brain is wired to want a drink and it’s very difficult to resist.
if thats the case, then you must have started drinking out of the womb

Finding it hard to stop.
nope, ya havent found it hard to stop. youve said youve done it 5 or 6 times over the last 6 months alone.
staying stopped, on the other hand, is where youre problem lies.
there IS a solution IF you WANT to stop FOR GOOD.

Blondescorp

You sound exactly like me

Zebra1275

A.A. is worth a try!

Dee74

some great advice here whatsgoingon

I think, when you get down to it you have to be working harder at recovery than you do at drinking.

If you're not working hard at recovery right now there's a lot you could do about that?

D