Sailorgirl57

Broke up with ABF two months ago. I’ve had some ups and downs since then. Tonight I just feel so all alone. Sad and lonely. I miss him so much. I can only think of the good times and i miss him and it hurts. it hurts. Went into town and all I saw were couples everywhere. It’s taking all the strength I can muster not to call him. Advice or encouragement needed please 😞

CedarTexas

You keep the faith. You are more amazing than you realize, and when the time is right the right person will be there.

honeypig

Sailor, I read your post in my thread w/the post from the "Newcomers" section, so I already know that you made your way past this lonely place. I'm so glad you found the bit of inspiration you needed to light the fire of your own strength.

I never wanted to feel like my life depended on keeping someone else in it ever again.

I read this ^ statement in a post here at SR years ago, when I was just beginning my recovery, It was like a bucket of cold water thrown into my overheated brain and heart--"wait--surely you don't mean to say that I could EXIST, let alone BE HAPPY, on my own, as my own person? B/c that's just crazy talk!"

Well, it was NOT crazy talk; it was pure wisdom. So many others here echoed that thought, in one way or another, over the coming years. I had been in some kind of relationship almost continuously for nearly 40 years, including over 20 years w/XAH. I had NEVER taken any significant time between the end of one relationship and the start of another. As a result, I went through variations on a theme for that whole time. Nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

If I ever choose to get into a serious relationship again, it will be exactly that--a CHOICE. I am learning to live w/myself, to depend on myself, to comfort myself, to amuse myself, so that I am able to CHOOSE who I am with, not fling myself desperately at whoever will have me. And that will be a first...

honeypig

Also, Sailor, wanted to remind you about H.A.L.T. Don't know if you've heard this mentioned before, but it's a way to remind ourselves to stop (halt) before making a decision and consider the H.A.L.T. acronym.

Am I:
Hungry?
Angry?
Lonely?
Tired?

B/c if I am, I am not likely going to make the best decision. I need to remedy the problem by allowing some time to eat, calm down, find some company, or get some rest. THEN I can take a 2nd look at the situation to see what other solutions to the problem may have arisen , now that I'm thinking more clearly.

I would wholeheartedly agree w/you that things always look 10 times worse at the end of the day. My sadness, loneliness, anger, fear, were always so much more intense when it was late and my inner reserves were low. I have learned to avoid taking actions or making decisions when I'm running on fumes; things look soooo different in the light of morning when I've had a cup of coffee and some sleep.

CentralOhioDad made this thread about his own take on H.A.L.T.: https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ive-h-l-t.html (Alternative to H.A.L.T)

And as a good Wisconsinite, I've GOT to include this quote from Vince Lombardi, coach of the Green Bay Packers in their glory days:

AnvilheadII

emotional balance and maturity comes when we stop looking to others to make us feel better. when we can sit with our emotions, acknowledge them, and still conduct our lives.

Sailorgirl57

Thank you everybody. Very helpful. What a nice community of people here. After read a bunch of posts here last night, I turned my phone off and put it in a drawer, washed my face, watched comedy for a while, then went to bed. Today was easier than yesterday. You are all so nice!