Bbqguy

I feel really hopeless right now. I relapsed this weekend and it's amazing how fast things got out of control. I have to face my coworkers tomorrow and tell them I relapsed.
I am also living in a sober living community and have to tell my roommate, although I'm sure he already knows.
Half of me wants to come clean and the other half wants to get another gram.
I been fighting the urge all day.

ProfessorD

Welcome! I'm sorry you relapsed. Even though it will be hard to be accountable to those around you, it sounds like you know it's the best thing to do. Things will get better with a bit of support and hard work You can do it!

Verdantia

Welcome Bbqguy! You have come to the right place for advice, support and hope. Relapses are an unfortunate part of addiction; it took many tries before I achieved sustained sobriety (25 months.) Being accountable is difficult but so necessary for healing. Wishing you all the best on your sober journey--I hope you stick around!

lessgravity

Welcome Bbq. There is so much to learn and so many amazing people to learn from here.

What's your plan?

Bbqguy

Seeing how I'm already living in a sober living community I have to come clean and tell them I relapsed. Still don't know how I'm gonna do it. There a chance they might kick me out. My first relapse was a couple of weeks ago. I thought that was my last time. I also suffer from severe depression and manic eppisodes. I know I want to be clean, I just can't seem to grasp what everyone else has in recovery

Dee74

hIi bbqguy

apart from the sober living house and now posting here, what other things are you doing for your recovery?

D

SoberLeigh

Welcome to SR, Bbqboy; very glad you joined us.

You will find an abundance of support, understanding and encouragement here.

Bbqguy

Before I relapsed I was listening to motivational speeches and getting into meditation. Then one of my manic depressed episodes hit and it all fell apart after that.

rascalwhiteoak

Hi Bbqguy. There's a wealth of information here, and this is also a good place to post when you feel like you're about to go use. Posting here can help break the pattern.

Hevyn

I'm glad you joined us, Bbqguy. You never have to feel alone - we all understand.

I don't know why we always think we'll find comfort in using or drinking. Even though we know better - we still insist we're in control. I'm sure you realize that using is preventing you from reclaiming your life. I hope reading & posting here will help with your anxiety. We care about you.

biminiblue

Are you diagnosed and/or receiving treatment for the manic-depression? Sometimes it takes trying a few different meds...please seek help for that part of it - there is medical help.

Street drugs are not the answer. I would hate to see you hurt yourself.

Bbqguy

I got diagnosed with bi polar manic depression at 16. I've been on and on again with the meds. My life has always seemed to be a reck. I've always been able to hold a job though until this time when I got to high to go to work. The guilt from that keeps fueling my binge and it's getting worse.

Komplex

Welcome. BBQ guy. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Don’t let that relapse ruin today. You can do this! You can move forward!!!

taketwo

Perhaps it would help to have a plan that starts when you feel your mood cycling rather than waiting until manic depression is layered with an urge to use? Mixed mania is the typically the most serious and dangerous state for BP and is a really rough place to try and apply willpower (especially against what may be seen as needed self-medication while in the midst of it). My spouse is bipolar and when things edge towards danger zones we have a safety plan in place that starts with something simple like telling me there's a shift going on, includes activity-specific things like not driving, may include having someone present all the time, often means I'm locking up meds, usually means we use "emergency meds" that have been planned for such use with her prescriber (or are advised through consultation during the episode).

Bbqguy

Thank you. I'm trying to get help with my bi polar depression. I've reached out for help in the sober living community I live in. It's hard to tell people that I need a babysitter with me when my mood shifts for the worst. Unfortunately it leads to me using.

Dee74

are you on meds now bbqguy or still waiting?

D

Bbqguy

Still waiting. I haven't been able to find a good place that will take me without insurance.

Dee74

I didn't realise you were looking for a dual diagnosis place.
Hope that happens soon

Bbqguy

Yeah, Imma real basket case. The thing imnaffraid of is I always have a wonderful since of humor and the meds take that away from me. It's the only thing I like about myself.

Dee74

I don't have any first hand experience of that condition or those meds but I do know people with BPD on meds and they're not emotional zombies, trust me

D