First Time Poster Here or anywhere. Need advice about my mum .
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2018
Posts: 2
First Time Poster Here or anywhere. Need advice about my mum .
So first of all Hi, not sure if i'm posting in the correct place and im not really sure how to start so ill try and "long story short" the situation.
My mum, during the day is a lovely woman, she is friendly, helpful, very giving person and everyone thinks she is a gem.
However roughly 4 pm everyday when shes back from the shop, she opens a bottle of wine, and very quickly, drinks it while cooking or on the phone being very nasty about my father or me usually.
She will deny that she has drunk anything, ever. Ive learnt that i cannot use the word drunk because it seems to trigger an anger in her which is uncontrollable emerges,
She has other bottles at the ready to replace the one shes finished on the shelf so she can say she hasnt had anything to drink, but this clearly inst the case as the drink seems to effect her a lot more then it does other people. You can tell shes had to much, her face is red, her eyes look dazed, she cannot walk or talk properly, she becomes very nasty and deliberately says things to upset us.
On top of this, she is being prescribed by the doctor , id say maybe over half a dozen prescription drugs, Im not certain about all of them but i know she has been prescribed Codeine 30/500 for more then 15 years now, she takes these religiously every day, she will always have a pack on her. She is prescribed gavapentin 300mg? I dont know what this is for. She has blood pressure tablets, she has drugs for glaucoma? she is being given fluxotine... there are more but i dont know them of the top of my head.
This is all being mixed with the alcohol. Daily.
She will start to abuse my father before he is even home from work, if i say anything she will abuse me, or my brother, or anyone who tries to question her.
My father has given up, and in all honesty I do not blame him, the names she calls, the language, the topics of which she will use against him vary from hes looks to hes social life or to hes no longer living parents, whatever the excuse maybe its truly disgusting and heart breaking behaviour.
She has ruined her marriage over this, she has gradually got worse and worse and worse over the years, my brother now rarely speaks to her any more as he has no patience for her, she no longer speaks to friends anymore as in my opinion they clocked on to how she is and dont have time for it. The only people she talks to is her mum, aunts and sister by phone.
I will no longer go out with her to restaunts etc as a scene is 100%going to happen, her family refuse to see this side of her, and they buy into the lies and stories she tells them daily about me and my dad, so naturally they bad mouth us believing her drunk lies.
Basically I dont know what i can do, I dont think their is anything possible for me to do, ive tried talking to her about it, she just brushes it of and if i persue it like grown up conversation, its guaranteed it will erupt into world war 3. If at any point i do seem to get through to her at all, everything said or promised will go out the window.
She will argue every night, she gets violent but come morning she will not say anything, she will pretend nothing has happend, she will get agressive if you try to mention what she did or said.
Im reaching the end of what i can put up with now, im slowly watching my mum killing herself by drinking and popping pills and its heartbreaking.
Sorry if all of this is inappropriate but i wont lie that it did feel good to finally get this of my chest and actually tell someone.
My mum, during the day is a lovely woman, she is friendly, helpful, very giving person and everyone thinks she is a gem.
However roughly 4 pm everyday when shes back from the shop, she opens a bottle of wine, and very quickly, drinks it while cooking or on the phone being very nasty about my father or me usually.
She will deny that she has drunk anything, ever. Ive learnt that i cannot use the word drunk because it seems to trigger an anger in her which is uncontrollable emerges,
She has other bottles at the ready to replace the one shes finished on the shelf so she can say she hasnt had anything to drink, but this clearly inst the case as the drink seems to effect her a lot more then it does other people. You can tell shes had to much, her face is red, her eyes look dazed, she cannot walk or talk properly, she becomes very nasty and deliberately says things to upset us.
On top of this, she is being prescribed by the doctor , id say maybe over half a dozen prescription drugs, Im not certain about all of them but i know she has been prescribed Codeine 30/500 for more then 15 years now, she takes these religiously every day, she will always have a pack on her. She is prescribed gavapentin 300mg? I dont know what this is for. She has blood pressure tablets, she has drugs for glaucoma? she is being given fluxotine... there are more but i dont know them of the top of my head.
This is all being mixed with the alcohol. Daily.
She will start to abuse my father before he is even home from work, if i say anything she will abuse me, or my brother, or anyone who tries to question her.
My father has given up, and in all honesty I do not blame him, the names she calls, the language, the topics of which she will use against him vary from hes looks to hes social life or to hes no longer living parents, whatever the excuse maybe its truly disgusting and heart breaking behaviour.
She has ruined her marriage over this, she has gradually got worse and worse and worse over the years, my brother now rarely speaks to her any more as he has no patience for her, she no longer speaks to friends anymore as in my opinion they clocked on to how she is and dont have time for it. The only people she talks to is her mum, aunts and sister by phone.
I will no longer go out with her to restaunts etc as a scene is 100%going to happen, her family refuse to see this side of her, and they buy into the lies and stories she tells them daily about me and my dad, so naturally they bad mouth us believing her drunk lies.
Basically I dont know what i can do, I dont think their is anything possible for me to do, ive tried talking to her about it, she just brushes it of and if i persue it like grown up conversation, its guaranteed it will erupt into world war 3. If at any point i do seem to get through to her at all, everything said or promised will go out the window.
She will argue every night, she gets violent but come morning she will not say anything, she will pretend nothing has happend, she will get agressive if you try to mention what she did or said.
Im reaching the end of what i can put up with now, im slowly watching my mum killing herself by drinking and popping pills and its heartbreaking.
Sorry if all of this is inappropriate but i wont lie that it did feel good to finally get this of my chest and actually tell someone.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: Southern US
Posts: 626
Welcome concerned son! I don’t have much experience to share, but your story touched my heart. I am not the concerned child of an alcoholic, but an alcoholic mother. Thank you for sharing, your mom is lucky to have you. Sadly she will probably only get better if and when she decides she’s ready. Make sure you are looking out for you in the mean time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
Hi, Concerned.
Welcome to SR.
Posting in Newcomers is fine. This is a busy forum and your post will get a lot of eyes.
No need to delete, but if you want to post something similar in Friends and Families, that too will be well viewed.
Either way, you will find lots of support here.
I am very sorry for your family situation.
It sounds like your mom is mixing some pretty potent drugs with alcohol, and that, of course, is not good.
Sadly, you can’t change her behavior.
She is the only one who can, and it doesn’t sound as though she wants to just now.
Do you live there? Can you move if you do?
Your mother is being verbally abusive to you and your father, and that is not acceptable.
I recommend distancing yourself, as your brother has, for your own health and sanity.
I’m sorry. I know this sounds harsh, but we can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.
There is a saying round here: let go or be dragged.
Good luck. Keep coming back.
Welcome to SR.
Posting in Newcomers is fine. This is a busy forum and your post will get a lot of eyes.
No need to delete, but if you want to post something similar in Friends and Families, that too will be well viewed.
Either way, you will find lots of support here.
I am very sorry for your family situation.
It sounds like your mom is mixing some pretty potent drugs with alcohol, and that, of course, is not good.
Sadly, you can’t change her behavior.
She is the only one who can, and it doesn’t sound as though she wants to just now.
Do you live there? Can you move if you do?
Your mother is being verbally abusive to you and your father, and that is not acceptable.
I recommend distancing yourself, as your brother has, for your own health and sanity.
I’m sorry. I know this sounds harsh, but we can’t help someone who doesn’t want help.
There is a saying round here: let go or be dragged.
Good luck. Keep coming back.
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