4 days sober and trying
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 1
4 days sober and trying
Hi, you’ve all heard the nightmare stories a million times that all somewhat resemble each other, so I’ll spare a lot of the details.
I’ve drank since I was a teen, got pretty out of control in my early 20s, and I’m now 34. I have serious health issues and was forced to quit drinking by mistake 4 years ago. I was having severe panic attacks so I received pretty high doses of benzodiazepines and I suppose that got me through withdrawals without that being the intended purpose. I was just so sick I couldn’t drink and I got lucky to have gotten dry unintentionally so I stayed sober until about a year ago.
My health improved a little bit, and I thought I could go back to drinking without it being a problem. A few binges a week slowly morphed into daily binges unless I was so hungover that I couldn’t get out of bed at all (jerks, shaking, confusion) and all sorts of other symptoms that I don’t recall ever having as a result of drinking heavy before I fell ill. I’ve currently been drinking on average a 12 pack of beer daily sometimes a *little less*, often a bit more. 16 drinks a day wouldn’t be something really out of the ordinary for me. Too many black outs, too much morning guilt, too many ruined relationships & my health is going downhill again.
Well, 5 days ago was my last day of heavy drinking. Sober day 1 was a typical hangover that kept me from drinking. Day two I woke up in the middle of the night ready to drink but I was out of beer. I looked all around the house, dug through the car in the middle of the night, and even woke up a family member asking them if they knew where any alcohol was. I’m too unhealthy to drive on my own so was waiting for family to wake up to go on a beer run for me. Well I found a bottle of old nasty wine under my bed that still had a glass full in it and poured myself a glass. I tried to take a few sips but it just was so rancid and wasn’t something I could drink so Instead of drinking it I dumped it down the drain and decided I’d wait out my cravings and have my first drink as soon as someone could wake up and buy my liquor for me (and I did make that selfish request).
As my family member got home with my beer early in the AM, the guilt kicked in and I couldn’t believe that I had someone get right out of bed to buy me beer. I didn’t drink the beer and decided to ride it out and see if I could do this. That was the first day in year that I didn’t drink when I was physically able to. I got very confused, head felt heavy, clammy but finally fell asleep sober. I slept maybe a couple hours and proceeded to ride out day 3. I spent all of the third day just eating and drinking as much fluids as possible, anything to try to keep myself occupied. I don’t know how, but I made it through the day. Last night I had really weird nightmares, can’t stay asleep and my attention span is nil.
So, this is day 4 sober. Cravings are intense, my joints ache. Please wish me luck, my willpower is waning but I know that there’s no such thing as drinking in moderation when it comes to how I drink. 1 drink always turns to 12 for me, even if I write myself notes telling myself to stop at a certain number.
I’ve made it to day 4, so I really think it would be a shame to throw this away. I have never made it past day 3 before voluntarily when I otherwise would be able to drink.
I’ve been reading everyone’s day 1/2/3/4 posts and I can easily say that it has been a huge influence in helping me make it this far.
Thanks everyone, please have a safe and healthy day.
I’ve drank since I was a teen, got pretty out of control in my early 20s, and I’m now 34. I have serious health issues and was forced to quit drinking by mistake 4 years ago. I was having severe panic attacks so I received pretty high doses of benzodiazepines and I suppose that got me through withdrawals without that being the intended purpose. I was just so sick I couldn’t drink and I got lucky to have gotten dry unintentionally so I stayed sober until about a year ago.
My health improved a little bit, and I thought I could go back to drinking without it being a problem. A few binges a week slowly morphed into daily binges unless I was so hungover that I couldn’t get out of bed at all (jerks, shaking, confusion) and all sorts of other symptoms that I don’t recall ever having as a result of drinking heavy before I fell ill. I’ve currently been drinking on average a 12 pack of beer daily sometimes a *little less*, often a bit more. 16 drinks a day wouldn’t be something really out of the ordinary for me. Too many black outs, too much morning guilt, too many ruined relationships & my health is going downhill again.
Well, 5 days ago was my last day of heavy drinking. Sober day 1 was a typical hangover that kept me from drinking. Day two I woke up in the middle of the night ready to drink but I was out of beer. I looked all around the house, dug through the car in the middle of the night, and even woke up a family member asking them if they knew where any alcohol was. I’m too unhealthy to drive on my own so was waiting for family to wake up to go on a beer run for me. Well I found a bottle of old nasty wine under my bed that still had a glass full in it and poured myself a glass. I tried to take a few sips but it just was so rancid and wasn’t something I could drink so Instead of drinking it I dumped it down the drain and decided I’d wait out my cravings and have my first drink as soon as someone could wake up and buy my liquor for me (and I did make that selfish request).
As my family member got home with my beer early in the AM, the guilt kicked in and I couldn’t believe that I had someone get right out of bed to buy me beer. I didn’t drink the beer and decided to ride it out and see if I could do this. That was the first day in year that I didn’t drink when I was physically able to. I got very confused, head felt heavy, clammy but finally fell asleep sober. I slept maybe a couple hours and proceeded to ride out day 3. I spent all of the third day just eating and drinking as much fluids as possible, anything to try to keep myself occupied. I don’t know how, but I made it through the day. Last night I had really weird nightmares, can’t stay asleep and my attention span is nil.
So, this is day 4 sober. Cravings are intense, my joints ache. Please wish me luck, my willpower is waning but I know that there’s no such thing as drinking in moderation when it comes to how I drink. 1 drink always turns to 12 for me, even if I write myself notes telling myself to stop at a certain number.
I’ve made it to day 4, so I really think it would be a shame to throw this away. I have never made it past day 3 before voluntarily when I otherwise would be able to drink.
I’ve been reading everyone’s day 1/2/3/4 posts and I can easily say that it has been a huge influence in helping me make it this far.
Thanks everyone, please have a safe and healthy day.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2016
Location: Out in the Stix of Southern Indiana
Posts: 2,784
So sorry to hear that you are not feeling so well but glad you are here! The beginning of sobriety is really tough. I know it was for me. I spent a lot of time on SR, reading mostly,posting some. At the point where I am now it's an awesome feeling! I have never made it this far before but so glad I did! I have always checked in the checked in every morning on the 24 hour recovery connection thread. I think it has helped me a lot. I did it to remind me of who I am and I can't drink. Best wishes for you on your journey.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2018
Location: East Coast
Posts: 853
HardRain, good for you! You can absolutely build on this progress and turn your life around. In fact, you've already done the hardest part. Congrats on day 4. I also found it immensely inspiring to read stories from folks in early sobriety. Wonderful things are coming your way as long as you don't take that first drink 
Member
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 1,246
Welcome to SR Hard Rain. It sounds like you are in a lot of discomfort but this will ease up if you keep going. Really well done on getting through 4 days. If you start to struggle and want to drink, come here and post. You will receive lots of advice and support.
Good luck.
Good luck.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 78
Don't drink. It will only make you feel terrible. I just ended my streak yesterday 
and it was the best streak I had in years. It wasn't fun or even enjoyable. I went to bed sick with a massive headache. I skippd eating; I slept awful and woke up worse.
Today, waking up, knowing I drank (and for what?!?) was incredibly depressing. I wanted to sleep the day away and forget myself, but I couldn't. I had to get up and face it.
Don't put yourself through that for a lousy buzz that will do little more than remind you of how you're f-ing up.
Sober days are better days
and it was the best streak I had in years. It wasn't fun or even enjoyable. I went to bed sick with a massive headache. I skippd eating; I slept awful and woke up worse. Today, waking up, knowing I drank (and for what?!?) was incredibly depressing. I wanted to sleep the day away and forget myself, but I couldn't. I had to get up and face it.
Don't put yourself through that for a lousy buzz that will do little more than remind you of how you're f-ing up.
Sober days are better days
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,456
Welcome to SR Hard Rain
Congrats on day four and congrats on joining the posting side of things. You'll find a lot of good ideas and support here.
Come check our our Class of January support thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-3-a-7.html
D
Congrats on day four and congrats on joining the posting side of things. You'll find a lot of good ideas and support here.
Come check our our Class of January support thread
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...art-3-a-7.html
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: Florida., USA
Posts: 3,252
Hang in there Hard Rain. 4 days is an awesome start, especially since they are so difficult and quite challenging to get through. It will help to spend as much time as you can on this forum. Folks here are so wise, helpful and compassionate. You can do this.
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